Greenberg Page #4

On the long and lonely road

to kingdom come

People far below

chasin' pleasures

Offer him directions

on the run

Prophets on the path

offer treasures

And though he's mighty hungry

he takes none

Roll on, roll on, roll on

Night birds are flyin'

Come on, the light is gone

Hope's slowly dyin'

(ROCK MUSlC BLARlNG)

People don't call on

my birthday anymore.

l guess l don't call

people on their birthdays,

so why should they call me?

l didn't call you.

When's yours?

November.

That's right.

l'll call you this year.

(MAN LAUGHlNG)

We're taking

her to this side.

Laughing already

demonstrates appreciation,

the applause

seems superfluous.

And also, it's like,

just treat the restaurant

like it's your

living room, guy.

l'm weirdly on tonight.

Should we order?

Maybe l should've

invited Florence.

Or l should've had a party.

Birthdays are hard, man.

lt's weird aging, right?

lt's like, "What the f***

is going on?"

l know.

Youth is wasted

on the young.

l'd go further.

l'd go,

"Life is wasted on

"people."

Should l invite her?

lt doesn't have

to mean anything.

l don't wanna set up

a series of expectations

with her.

What do you think?

Yeah, if you want.

l guess l could call her.

Okay, then we should

wait to order.

Maybe it'd be good.

Do you care?

No, no.

lt's a different dynamic.

Yeah.

She lives near here.

l'll see if she's around.

She probably has

other plans.

l won't get into it

being my birthday.

She's young.

Thank you.

Thanks.

(GROUP LAUGHlNG)

(CLAPPlNG)

l don't find a lot of

girls in LA attractive.

Do you?

l do, yeah.

l said l don't.

Oh, l do.

She isn't as pretty as Beth,

or her face is,

but she's bigger.

Not fat.

l find it sexy,

but you'll see.

l never found

Beth as beautiful

as everyone else did.

She was my girlfriend.

Years ago.

l didn't think

you'd take offense.

Well, you like

racist Portuguese women.

She made one remark,

and it's a cultural thing.

l mean, by our standards,

Fabula's mother is a bigot.

l know you

never liked Fabula.

Florence is. . .

lf you worked in

an office with her,

you'd definitely

develop a crush on her,

but outside the office,

you'd start to wonder

if she was as cute

as you'd imagined.

l'm just saying,

you know, Fabula is

a lot less possessive

than she used to be.

You'd like her more now.

Can l get another Scotch?

That's the busboy.

Fine, can l get another fork?

This one has some food on it.

Fabula never got you.

She thought she'd bagged

some fancy British guy

rather than just lvan.

l know she helped you

with the addiction

and everything,

but you're over that now.

We have to find you someone.

lt's too bad neither of us

are the type to go whoring.

ls that her?

Hi.

Hi.

This is lvan.

Hello.

lt's nice to meet you.

Hi. Hello.

Hi.

Sorry.

Sorry.

l'll be right back.

GlRL:
Hello?

Beth.

What?

Beth?

Who?

ls this a child?

Yes.

ls your mom there?

Who is this?

Roger.

Miller?

Roger.

Mom, it's Miller!

BETH:
Hello?

Beth.

Who's this?

Roger.

Oh, hi.

What are you doing?

l'm sewing Charles' pants.

Uh-huh.

ls Charles your son?

Yeah. Hot stuff.

Are you sewing

his Flash suit?

ls he the devil

or the Flash? Did he say?

Yeah.

How's the rest of

your week looking?

What'd you do with her?

She's in the bathroom.

You see what l mean

about working in an office?

Where'd you go?

l called Beth.

Really?

Come on, l mean,

Beth is a part of my life.

She's. . .

l don't believe

that things happen

for a reason, but maybe

me being out here at

this particular time,

it's happening for a reason.

(ALL LAUGHlNG)

l cannot believe

you still have this.

Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

And l got you this.

ROGER:
Wow.

"The Magic Marker. Live!"

Man, look at Beller.

(lN HlGH-PlTCHED VOlCE)

How is Lenny?

(lN HlGH-PlTCHED VOlCE)

Lenny not so good.

lVAN:
You've got a bit of

a mullet going on there.

No, l think

that's a shadow.

You're trying so

hard to look casual.

(SlNGlNG) Happy birthday

to you

No, don't have them

do that. Don't.

Happy birthday to you

Don't.

You're such

a f***ing a**hole.

Roger, relax.

You know l hate this sh*t.

Will you stop? No. . .

Okay?

Sit on my dick, a**hole!

(GASPlNG)

And many more.

What the f***, right?

Well, he just got out

of a mental hospital.

Right.

What? Really?

l mean, who does that?

Gets the waiters.

l'm not one of these

preening LA people

who likes everything

to be about them.

l'm not some d*ckhead

who does karaoke

at the Farmers Market

and hosts

a running charades game

every Friday night,

and swing dances.

(LAUGHS)

What?

You told lvan to

sit on your dick.

Did l?

Yeah.

What the hell

does that mean?

(LAUGHlNG)

l don't know.

Okay.

Now,

happy birthday.

Great.

So, l got the witch.

Thanks.

l made a snap judgment.

lf you'd rather the devil,

you can switch it out.

No, l'm happy

with the witch.

You're right,

these are too

old for your niece.

l'm impressed by you.

ln what way?

l don't know.

l mean, you seem

really fine doing nothing.

lt's like you don't

feel all that bullshit

pressure to be successful.

l mean,

by other people's standards.

l'm. . .

You know,

l almost had a record deal

when l got out of college.

l haven't done nothing.

Cool.

l want to be

doing nothing.

l'm doing

nothing deliberately.

That's what l'm saying.

l don't know that

l could do nothing

and be that cool

with everything.

Well, there's so

much crap out there.

Mahler's not at home.

You could stay over.

Wink-wink.

Um. . .

l'm not supposed to. . .

l try not to. . .

But, f*** it.

Yeah, okay.

lvan's nice.

ls he your best friend?

Yeah, l guess so.

l lost lvan

there for a few years

to this racist

he met in rehab.

But their marriage is ending,

which is good for him,

and me, to be honest.

Good.

You probably

wouldn't believe this,

but in college we

all looked up to him.

He was from England

and he used to be

really handsome and stylish

and kind of great.

l can believe that.

lvan and l

call each other "man,"

but it's meant as a joke.

lt's the kind of thing

we wouldn't say, 'cause. . .

lt's our imitation

of other people.

l know what that's like.

This friend of mine,

Marnie, and me,

we went. . .

We went to this

cheesy bar in Hollywood

and we just thought,

"Let's pretend to

be these slutty girls

who are looking

to get picked up,

"even though we're not."

And we end up

talking to these

two frat guys,

but, like, 30.

And they were all

into their bodies

and cologned,

very well-groomed.

And we ended up going back

to one of their places.

And l think

one of them was, like,

almost retarded,

or else he was really drunk,

because he

didn't make any sense.

And they got out

this video camera

and Marnie and l,

we did this

kind of striptease.

And it was crazy

because we were still

playing these girls,

but there we were,

showing our breasts. . .

And then,

we ran out of

there pretty fast.

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