Greta
(folk song playing)
I wanna die
I wanna die
Down south Louisiana
And grey evening sky.
Woman:
June 21st.
Exile to Siberia.
I mean, New Jersey.
Is there a difference?
I can't tell.
Isn't Siberia the place
they send you to die?
And from my experience
Ocean Grove isn't that much different.
with the life expectancy of 86.
Thanks, Mom.
Thank you for buying me
a one-way ticket to hell.
I mean,
Grams' and Gramps' mausoleum.
desiccated socks.
Oh, I'm sure they're thrilled too.
It'll just be one great summer
of Chinese torture for all of us.
Who cares anyway?
Nobody.
In fact, when I get off this bus
I should just walk over to the pier
and jump,
end it all.
Goodbye, world.
Goodbye, New Jersey.
The truth is, if I weren't around,
it would solve everyone's problems.
on saving marriage number nine.
And my grandmother...
well, she could spend
her whole summer
making those seashell
thingies she makes.
And Gramps could finally finish
fixing up that boat of his.
Yeah, Grams definitely wouldn't care
if I weren't around.
I swear she has some serious
anxiety issues.
Maybe I should give her
some of my pills.
That's what I should do...
make it easy on everyone.
If I weren't here,
There's only one person
but Dad isn't around anymore.
(man snoring)
(coughing)
Buses suck, huh?
Great. Hello, New Jersey!
Good times, good times.
Hi, sweetie.
Greta, how nice to see you.
Gramps, Grams, hi.
You folks don't look so bad,
all things considered.
Hello to you too, Greta.
Yeah, hello hello.
We all know why I'm here.
No need to act thrilled about it.
We're glad to have you here, honey.
We really are.
Yeah, well, I didn't really plan
on spending my summer in Jersey,
in what might as well be
a nursing home.
Gramps:
Well, I guess you're gladto be out of school for the summer, right?
If I cared one microbe
about school,
I guess yeah, it'd be some kind
of a relief.
Your mother said
you were on the honor roll all year.
That's terrific.
You should be proud of yourself.
You'll get into a good college.
I'm not going to college.
Of course you're going
to college.
The fact is that I'm gonna kill myself
before I turn 18,
so that doesn't really leave much time
for an undergraduate degree.
I assume that you understand
that a joke is supposed
to be funny.
It's not a joke.
See, I've been making this list
of all the different ways you can die...
self-immolation,
falling from a great height.
I don't know about electrocution.
I hear that your heart actually cooks
and you puke up your melted guts.
All right, Greta, just stop.
Just stop right now.
Well, at the same time,
I've been making this list
of things that I want to do
before I die.
For instance,
I want to eat a bug
just to say that I did.
I want to get in a fistfight
with a grown man.
Don't ask.
I want to learn
how to really paint,
and maybe get a tattoo.
Anyway, as soon as I choose
my method of death
then I'm gonna cross as much off
my to-do list as I can
and commit some kind of
grizzly suicide.
Voila.
You won't have Greta
to kick around anymore.
Come on, Greta.
Well, look who it is.
to be quite the pretty young lady
under all that makeup.
Mrs. Wocheski,
same nosy old bag.
What? What's that?
I said, "Isn't this heat a drag?"
A drag?
Hey, did you hear about
that huge hunk of space junk
that landed in some
old lady's home
right here in Jersey?
Jersey?
(whispering) The universe is just
loaded with things that we've left up there.
- What?
- And all of a sudden...
- Bam!
- Whaa!
Instantly vaporized.
(barking)
I don't know what to do
about you
I left your things upstairs,
honey.
I learned a lot of rules
from the Bible, baby
But I wonder wonder
what I should do
But I wonder wonder
what I should do
I don't know
why I'm staying with you
If everything they're saying
is true
to your mama, baby
And I wonder wonder
what I should do
But I wonder wonder
what I should do.
(cat mewing)
Parnelli.
Hey.
What's it like living with the mummies
of Guanajuato?
Do you ever get used
to that smell?
Hmm?
You don't care,
and scoops your litter.
It's a pretty good deal,
a life you want anyway.
(teapot whistling)
Katherine:
I'm trying not to bejudgmental, Joseph,
but she's a handful.
Joseph:
Oh, Katherine,it's only three months.
September will be here
before you know it.
You don't think
she's serious, do you?
No, I think she's just
being dramatic,
trying to push our buttons.
Yeah, you know who she
reminds me of at that age?
Karen.
Ow. I'm nothing like my mother!
Nothing!
Hey, Gramps,
can I bump a $20?
Mm!
Greta, we have rules
in this house.
I assume your mother
told you about them.
Yeah.
I'm sure she did.
I'm also sure
I wasn't paying attention.
Oh, well,
then listen to me.
Now you can have
a very nice summer here,
but it won't be
without structure and supervision.
Now if you want to have
spending money,
you're going to have to
get a job.
And there will be
a 10:
00 PM curfew.And you're not permitted
beyond the town lines,
especially not to Asbury Park.
That's no place for you.
So does all of that
sound fair to you?
Let me tell you how this works:
I go where I want
when I want with whom I want.
And I don't come home
until I want to.
Now that's how it works
at Karen's.
So if you've got a problem with it,
take it up with her.
She's the one who dumped me
on you two anyway.
Okay? Let's just do each other
a favor,
stay out of each other's way.
Summer will be over
before we know it.
Deal?
Deal.
(whistles)
Where did you get that?
Oh, yeah.
What does that thing get,
Only on a steep downgrade.
Can I borrow it?
Huh-uh. I heard about what happened
when you went to get your driver's license.
That DMV guy
was emotionally unstable, okay?
It was not my driving
that made him cry.
(Joseph guffaws)
I'm serious.
Okay, we'll see
what your mother thinks.
Like she thinks.
for the most blah moments.
has something to do with macrame.
This is the same woman
Her husbands are in and out so fast,
I can't even keep track.
What, is this
husband number nine?
Three.
And you can't drive alone
without a license.
It's against the law.
What's the worst
that's gonna happen, Grams?
I die?
No, the worst thing
that can happen
is that you take somebody
with you when you die.
Greta:
Ocean Grove.More like Ocean Grave.
No wonder Mom left this place
when she was 17.
It's so passe.
I'll make her pay for this torture
when I get home.
That is, if I make it home.
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"Greta" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 23 Nov. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/greta_9342>.
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