Grumpier Old Men

I'll be glad when you're dead.

You, rascal, you.

I'll be glad when you're dead.

You, rascal, you.

You know you done me wrong.

You stole my wife and gone...

I'll be glad when you're dead.

You, rascal, you.

I'm gonna kill you just for fun,

you, rascal, you.

I'm gonna kill you just for fun,

you, rascal, you.

I'm gonna kill you just for fun,

the birds can have you when I'm done.

I'll be glad when you're dead.

You, rascal, you.

I'll be glad when you're dead.

You, rascal, you.

Moron.

Putz. Where are they biting?

Pop says that he spotted

Catfish Hunter at Indian Slough.

Catfish Hunter? Maybe this

is the year we catch him.

Where do you get that "we" crap?

Got a mouse in your pocket?

That fish belongs to me.

I'll let you visit him when

he's mounted on my wall.

Honey?

You forgot your Thermos.

Hi, Ariel.

Hi.

Yeah, you messed with my wife,

you, rascal, you...

You messed with my wife...

See you later.

- ... now I'm gonna take your life...

I'll be glad when you're dead.

You, rascal, you.

That's my fish.

I'm gonna kill you just for fun,

you, rascal, you.

I'm gonna kill you just for fun,

you, rascal, you.

I'm gonna kill you just for fun,

the birds can have you when I'm done.

I'll be glad when you're dead.

You, rascal, you.

I'll be glad when you're dead.

You, rascal, you.

That's it.

Come on, just one good bite...

... and I got you!

Oh, damn.

Here comes another man

around third. He will be held up.

And Gustaldo with a double,

and it's a 2 to 1 game.

Hey!

- Hey, d*ckhead!

Turn that radio down.

You're scaring all the fish away.

Of course, he played

in the Twin Cities...

... before going over to Boston.

- We'll have another look at it.

Turn the damn radio down, will you?

Who put a bug up your ass?

I saw him.

Catfish Hunter?

Right after I dropped anchor, he stuck

his head up over by that log.

He looked at me, smiled,

and swam down into the mud.

He smiled?

Holy moly. How big is he this year?

He's as big as a Buick. I would've

had him if you hadn't shown up.

You couldn't catch

crabs from a $10 hooker.

How is your sister, by the way?

I saw Sven down at the dam.

He's says there's a rumor...

that Rick Ragetti's cousin's

coming to buy Chuck's Bait.

An ltalian running Chuck's?

We'll have the first mob-run

bait shop in Wabasha.

What're you doing?

I was here first.

I got just as much right

to be here as you do.

You got bad luck.

I don't want you infecting my spot.

Find your own fishing hole.

You got a fart in your

brain or something?

And turn that down!

Where you going?

Not far.

What's the matter with that guy?

Getting goofier every year.

You don't have the balls

to take me on anymore!

Ariel's had you neutered!

Let's see what you're made of...

Let that be a lesson to you.

You putz!

All right, you chicken-livered schmeer.

Get outta here!

Isn't it beautiful?

The lava lamp?

The angel.

Ariel says he watches over the house.

Don't get too used to him. Our house

will be ready soon, then we're out of here.

How long have you been up?

For a while.

What have you been doing?

Watching you.

What?

I'm up!

Yes, you are.

Morning.

Go downstairs.

I'll be right out to make you breakfast.

She hates me.

She doesn't hate you.

She just doesn't like you very much.

I thought I'd check out some reception

halls for the wedding.

I talked to Pop.

He's already booked a place.

He did?

That's great.

Did he get the Radisson

in La Crosse?

No.

The Pepin Dance Hall?

That would've been great. But no.

The Majestic Ballroom?

Not even close.

What's left?

Slippery's Tavern.

You're serious.

I know it's not what we wanted.

It's my dream to have it in a bar

with peanut shells on the floor.

It's a tavern.

It's a bar.

I'll call him to cancel. We'll find a place.

Forget it.

Are you sure?

It was my idea to let them

help plan the wedding.

I got to tell you...

... it was a great idea.

It's nice to see them get along.

Amazing how well they're getting along.

Ha!

- Remember "ha"?

You didn't win, I quit. I got better things to do

then dick aroud with you whole day.

Really? What?

We got a wedding to

plan. Remember?

How can I forget?

See you later, John.

See you later, Max.

Hey, Pop.

He's here.

Catfish Hunter?

He's by the sandbar.

You know the damn fish

is older than I am?

Thanks.

What the hell is this?

That's light beer.

I weight 90 goddamn pounds and

you bring me this slopping foam?

Ariel's got me on a diet because

my cholesterol's too high.

Let me tell you something.

Last Thursday I turned 95 years old.

And I never exercised a day in my life.

Every morning, I wake up...

... and I smoke a cigarette.

And then I eat five strips of bacon.

And for lunch I eat a bacon sandwich.

And for a midday snack...

Bacon.

A whole damn plate.

And I usually drink my dinner.

Now, according to all of

them flat-belly experts...

I should've took a dirt

nap, like, 30 years ago.

But each year comes and goes

and I'm still here.

And they keep dying.

You know?

Sometimes I wonder...

... if God forgot about me.

It just goes to show you, huh?

What?

Goes to show you what?

What the hell are you talking about?

You said you drink beer, you eat bacon...

and you smoke cigarettes,

and you outlive the experts.

Yeah?

I thought maybe there's a moral.

No, there ain't no moral.

I just like that story.

That's all.

I like that story.

Good afternoon.

It's good to see you, too.

Aren't you beautiful today?

Are you thirsty?

There we go. Drink up.

Drink up.

That's right.

There we go. There we go. Drink up.

Isn't it a glorious afternoon?

It's not bad.

You okay? Feeling all right?

Splendid. Why?

I couldn't help noticing

you were talking to the flowers.

Plants and flowers are

living organisms and...

... they respond to voice and touch

like any other creature would.

You should try it yourself.

I got a cactus in my bathroom,

but we got nothing to say to each other.

I better get going.

See you.

Max!

- Yes?

Listen, I'm...

Look, I'm cooking Cantonese tonight.

Why don't you join us?

I already made other plans.

Are you sure?

Thanks, anyway.

Appreciate it.

What happens when Bonnie and Clyde

turn out to be Bonnie and Bonnie?

"Lesbian Bandits", next on Geraldo.

Oh, lesbians, yummy.

Wait, it's stuck.

Would you...

Yeah, but I like those.

Can I do this?

You must wait.

Why don't we put everything in?

Throw it all in there.

I need to borrow a Phillips screwdriver.

Hi, Jacob. You been here long?

Phillips....

Hey, pop, don't you think it's time

you start dating again?

Who with?

Florence Gilbert, for example,

thinks you're quite a catch.

She looks like Ernest Borgnine.

Is that such

a bad thing?

What about

Jane Clark?

"Jane of the Jungle."

Got more body hair than I do. She's

a fur bearing mammal, for God's sake.

Doris Zabrinski?

I know she's a little heavy

but she loves to fish.

You get her on the boat...

- Doris Zabrinski...

... is dead.

She is?

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