Grumpier Old Men Page #2

She choked to death on a stack

of pancakes two weeks ago...

... at the Lions Club charity breakfast.

Wow.

I think it's how she

would've wanted to go.

Listen to me...

you can't sit around waiting

for another Ariel to walk into your life.

Thanks for the Phillips.

What?

Remember when you were a kid...

your mother baked that

rhubarb pie for my birthday?

She swelled up like a balloon.

Broke out in hives.

She didn't know she was allergic.

She knew.

She baked it anyway because

she knew it was my favorite.

Why'd you think of that?

I don't know.

I think about things like

that all the time.

Are you all right?

Get out and let me watch my program.

And close the door when you go.

I don't want those

mosquitoes in here.

They're crazy about my

macaroni and cheese dish.

Hello?

Anybody here?

Hey, wait a second!

- Chiamate la polizia!

My name is Max Goldman.

- Out! Out!

Relax! Would you relax!

- Out! Out! Maria, presto, presto!

Presto, Maria!

- Mamma, che succedere? Fai, che fai?

Mamma, what are you doing?

I'm gonna whack him!

Put that down!

- He try to steal the vino rosso!

You think everyone is tryin' to

steal the vino rosso!

They are!

This is a small town.

You can trust people here.

Like Antonio?

Next time he touch vino...

I whack his head like a melon!

Holy moly.

I'm so sorry.

Scusi!

My mother is a little bit

too protective of the wine.

So I noticed.

She pressed the grapes

herself back in Palermo.

It's a rare vintage with

a unique... bouquet.

Is that a nice way of saying that

the wine smells like your mama's feet?

No.

My name's Max Goldman.

I live in the area here.

Maria Sophia Coletta Ragetti.

That's quite a name.

You're Spaghetti Ragetti's cousin!

Why so surprised?

Holy moly.

I thought.... I was expecting

someone that looked like Rick.

How's that?

You know, fat, hairy, homely.

But you're not so fat.

You're a smooth talker.

There's more where that

came from, Miss Ragetti.

When is the bait shop

gonna be back in business?

Bait shop?

What's that?

That's what we call it in Minnesota.

What do you call it?

We call it, I think, ristorante.

Ristorante.

Restoranteh?

You mean you're going

to turn this into a restaurant?

No, you can't be serious.

Why not?

There's going to be a lot of

noise and people coming.

Driving with cars.

You'll scare the fish.

This is the land of 10,000 lakes.

Go find another one.

You're wasting your time, I'm telling you.

People are not going to come

down here for ltalian...

when we got a Chuck E.

Cheese in town.

Listen, I don't know

this Cheese person.

But Ragetti's will be a

romantic lakefront ristorante.

It will be special, classy...

... somewhere you

would never go.

You can say that again.

Via, via! There's so much to do before

the opening of my ristorante.

Bait shop.

Ristorante.

Bait-a shoppie.

- Ristorante

Ristorante! Capito!

Hai capito? Ristorante.

You should've let me whack him.

Yeah...

I'm done.

Pop, I wish you'd try

the low-fat bacon.

You can wish in one hand,

and crap in the other...

... and see which gets filled first.

This wagon's got to get filled first.

I'll be back.

Pick me up a pack of Camels.

All right, you got it.

You need a hand with that?

My name's Gustafson.

Il mio nome Francesca Ragetti.

My name is Francesca Ragetti.

Italian girl.

What do you say we go

back to my place?

I'll show you my cannelloni.

How you doing?

Fine.

Ox!

Nag!

Hey, moron.

Putz. Where you been?

I've been looking for you.

What's so important?

That.

Jeez Louise, who is that?

That's Spaghetti Ragetti's cousin.

You mean she's going

to run the bait shop?

Restorantee.

Forget about leaving your boat there.

It's all private property.

Chuck'd be spinning in his

grave if he knew about this.

You can say that again.

I guess there's nothing

much we can do.

You're just going to stand

there and let this happen?

I've been fishing that spot ever since

I'm 5 years old. It's all I got left.

What can I do about it?

We must come up with a plan.

We must find a way to put

the kibosh on all this mess.

Mi lascie in pace.

Leave me alone.

It's okay!

I'm a doctor!

Sounds like Dad's using his "free exam"

trick again.

You got to stick with what works.

Ask Jacob if he can pull some

strings with the city council.

Find out what day this

ristorante has its health inspection.

I think I got an idea.

Good thinking.

Dad!

Max is right. Our fishing

spot'll be totally ruined.

They may as well drain the lake.

Stop moving.

You know the sign she put up?

"Parking for restaurant customers only."

Just a little while longer.

Maybe they'll have a grease fire

in the kitchen.

John!

- A guy can dream, can't he?

You got to let this thing go, honey.

Let it go.

Chuck is gone, the bait shop

is gone, things move on.

I suggest you do the same.

Stop fidgeting.

I don't know why the hell I ever

let you talk me into doing this.

If Max could see me now,

I'd never live it down.

Would you relax?

We're the only ones here.

There's nobody here

except you and me.

What a putz.

Will you look at that poor man?

And then the mama bear said:

"Somebody's been

sleeping in my bed, too."

And finally, the baby bear...

... looked and said, "Somebody's

been sleeping in my bed...

"... and the bastard's still there."

But Goldilocks had a Remington

semi-automatic...

... with a scope and a hair trigger.

That's not the way it goes.

And that was the end...

... of the three bears.

Sing me a lullaby.

It's too late.

Please?

All right. Stars shining

bright above you...

... light breezes seem to

whisper:
I love you.

Birds singing in the

sicamore tree...

... dream a little dream of me...

Say nighty night and kiss me,

... just hug me tight and

tell me you miss me.

While stars are shining

bright as can be...

... dream a little dream of me...

Good night, sweet pea.

Good night.

Happy dreams.

That leaves uncle Willy

sitting next to the plant lady.

I'm not sticking the plant lady next to him.

Why not?

Because he's a groper.

He'll be all over her.

He's not a groper.

He's a touchy-feely person.

He's not going to be touchy-feely

with the plant lady.

She's not a close friend. We don't

know her name. "The plant lady."

What the hell is that?

That doesn't mean

she's not important to me.

Fine.

Good.

Honey, don't put the quarter

in your mouth.

You're not my daddy.

What have you got there?

A bacon sandwich.

What are you doing?

Finishing the seating arrangement.

Don't bother.

Max and I already have a plan.

You guys have done

way too much already.

Hello, children.

Moron.

Putz.

You...

... find the rat?

No, but Allie said we can borrow Sparky.

What if he gets away?

I made a leash.

Good thinking.

What do you guys want with Sparky?

Wait.

I don't want to know.

It's men talk.

See you later.

Where's the quarter?

Did you swallow a quarter?

I'll call the doctor.

Relax.

Kids swallow quarters all the time.

Really?

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