Guess Who

"Girl, I love..." No.

"Girl, I love your..."

No, that ain't it.

"Girl, I love your style.

"I love when you get that smile.

"You should be in a magazine,

because you're a queen.

"Our love is everything."

- Percy?

- Not right now. I'm busy.

You got a girl in there?

What kind of question is that,

"You got a woman in here?"

I didn't know. I heard you talking.

- I'm in here doing my vows.

- Vows?

For this ridiculous party

my wife is losing her mind over!

This extravaganza is costing a lot of money.

Now she wants us to renew our vows.

What was wrong with what I said

the first time?

- What's wrong with "I do"? I did, didn't I?

- Yes, you did.

- Women, boy.

- I know. Women, it's just a whole other...

You know what? I think it's cool

you're just doing the lyrics from that song.

I wrote this on the way to work

this morning.

- You wrote that on the way to work?

- Yeah.

Were you listening to the radio

when you wrote it? 'Cause I think it's B2K.

Okay, then. If this is to a song,

tell me what the next line is.

Baby, turn around

And let me see that sexy body

go bump, bump, bump

That's it.

Go.

Reggie.

See your sexy smile and bump, bump?

- Three bumps.

- Three bumps.

See your sexy smile and you bump, bump

See your sexy smile and you

Hey, boss. Did I hear Theresa's bringing

a new boyfriend to your anniversary party?

Yes.

What? I'm fine with it.

- So, you met him?

- Nope. I pulled his credit report.

- You didn't.

- I sure as hell did.

Fred, this young brother is a stockbroker

for J.P. Oliver.

- Theresa? I don't believe it.

- Marilyn said she's crazy about him.

And this boy's credit report, I'm telling you,

is a thing of beauty.

I almost cried.

Wow, this guy sounds too good to be true.

He probably is. But the brother has a job.

- I'm glad you think that way...

- That's right, my friend. A J-O-B!

...but I quit.

- I quit!

- Simon, calm down.

I'm just trying to explain to you

how the world works.

It's the clients, I'm just explaining...

None of my clients seem to care.

This guy didn't seem to care, did he?

Come on. Don't be so sensitive.

That's not how the world works.

It's how your world works.

Simon, sit down. Simon!

Jerk.

I don't need you, Nathan!

I don't need J.P. Oliver.

My rsum is good enough. I can get a job

anywhere I want. I'm out of here.

I'm not going to freak out!

What am I going to tell Theresa?

What am I going to tell her?

"Baby, you know how you're always

saying I'm at the office too much?

"Well, great news!"

I'll meet my future father-in-law and

tell him I'm unemployed. That'll be great.

Okay. I'll get the next one.

I can't quit my job!

I'm not gonna beg for this job!

- I got $20 says he goes up again.

- I'll take some of that.

Oh, my God! I just quit my job!

I don't need this job! No.

Here he comes.

- Hi.

- Have a good one.

Hello, Liz. Simon Green here.

Simon! What's up?

Every investment I've made

in the last six months.

Listen. That job you offered me.

Tell me it's still open.

Why? What happened?

I'll tell you about it later.

Can you talk to Bartlett for me?

Are you kidding?

I'm e-mailing him right now.

When he finds out you asked about this...

he will go nuts!

Liz, thank you.

Theresa? Baby?

You're home early.

Really early. Hi.

- Got out of there quick.

- Good. Then come on, help me with these.

What have we got?

Tumi.

- That's nice. When did we get this?

- Got them today.

Combined incomes. Bling bling, baby!

Yeah. Bling bling.

Baby?

God. You should have heard Dad's voice

on the phone...

when I told him you work for J.P. Oliver.

I feel like he's more in love with you

than I am.

- Really?

- Yeah. You don't understand.

Ever since I can remember,

his whole thing has been about:

"Theresa, does that boy have a job?"

- It's a good thing I do then, huh?

- I know.

I'm so excited! Aren't you excited?

Theresa, a man is never excited

about meeting his future father-in-law.

You know, I was thinking.

Maybe we should postpone telling them.

What?

- It was your idea.

- I know.

But I'm thinking now

that maybe it was a bad idea.

No, I think it's a great idea.

Announcing our engagement

at my parents' party...

is gonna be the best present

we can give them.

Babe, Mom's gonna flip.

See, I'm not worried about your mom.

I was thinking about...

him.

See, he's about ready

to pop a blood vessel...

in his head, because you guys

are losing a basketball game.

No, we were winning that game. Yeah.

We're bringing in a canopy here.

Swags of tulle with festoons.

Sprays of roses.

Parquet dance floor here.

Guests will be seated at tables

in Chiavari chairs.

Very clean, very simple, very elegant.

And rose petals on the lawn.

And not just a few...

oodles.

At my wedding, we had oodles of petals.

It was fabulous.

At that wedding, was a woman involved?

Of course it involved a woman.

If she's not a woman, it's gonna be

a surprise to both of us. Hello!

- Look.

- I'll tell you, this is going to be some party.

Twenty-five years of marriage.

- More power to you, pal.

- Thank you.

- Hey, baby.

- Sorry I'm late.

My vice principal called in sick today...

so it was just me

against 208 middle-schoolers.

I swear half of them

ate pure sugar for breakfast.

Hi, Dante.

- So, Percy, which one do you like best?

- I like that...

Is your name Percy?

Which one costs the most?

- They cost the same.

- They don't cost the same.

This one's from Saks.

This one's from Macy's.

Saks!

Thank you.

And now I can give my honest opinion.

- I'm digging that one, baby.

- Really?

Well, that's too bad,

'cause I'm wearing this one.

Hallelujah.

Sweetheart.

- Yeah?

- Listen.

Why do you even bother asking me?

'Cause it's a big day for us

and I wanted you to feel included.

Why couldn't you include

Martha Superfreak out there?

Dante is a nice man.

A nice man.

A nice man that part of the time

likes to sleep with other nice men.

Will you stop it?

Would you open your mind, Percy Jones?

Dante is a metrosexual.

- A what?

- He's a straight man with taste.

No such thing. You might as well tell me

he rode over here on a unicorn.

Look, serious face, serious moment.

I need to talk to you.

I know, baby. I'm working on my vows.

Almost got them perfect.

- That's sweet, but that's not it.

- What is it?

This boy that Theresa's bringing home?

I don't know who his people are,

where he's from...

I don't know anything about him.

But what I do know is that

I need you to be nice.

I'm always nice.

Let's be nice long enough

to find out who the boy is.

I already know who he is.

- You pulled his credit report?

- I did not.

You pulled his credit report, Percy?

I mean, I glanced at it.

But a credit report don't tell you

the character of a man.

But being a loan officer for 22 years...

I can size that boy up in an instant.

And you know I got a knack for it.

You know that.

Five seconds. That's all I need.

That's all I need.

- Nobody knows that better than me.

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