Guess Who Page #2

- Say what?

I didn't stutter.

I'm not so good with dads, baby.

I'm good with moms. I'm better with moms.

He's a big guy, right?

Scary big. He also has these...

piercing eyes that just burn

right into your soul.

Don't maintain eye contact for

a long period of time. At least today, okay?

Babe, I'm kidding.

Just relax. It's gonna be fun.

Okay?

- Did you tell them?

- What? Tell them what?

- Babe, don't... The...

- What?

- Did you... I'm...

- Cute? Clean-shaven? What?

Pigment-challenged?

Did you tell them that I'm white?

You're white?

You're white?

Stop the car!

Oh, my God! Look at what you...

Oh, my God.

Simon, I'm so sorry.

- It was a joke, sir. I was kidding.

- Yeah, sister. You're funny.

Simon, are you okay?

- Who are you?

- Are you serious?

Why am I in Jersey?

- Don't worry. It's gonna be great, okay?

- All right.

I'm very sorry. It was a bad joke.

- So, did you tell them?

- No. I only told them the important things.

That I love you.

That you're an amazing man.

That you have a very cute birthmark

on your left butt cheek.

You just didn't feel the need to mention

it's a Caucasian butt cheek. That was...

Simon, look. I didn't mention it

because I don't think it's gonna matter.

It's gonna matter.

We're fine, sir.

Dad!

Look at this here. Oh, my God.

Give your daddy a hug.

How are you?

Mom!

- Hey, my man. Percy Jones, baby.

- Pleasure to meet you.

Man, look at this here. I like this, man.

Nice, solid, strong grip.

Wow. That's something else.

Listen. You doing everything you can

to make my daughter happy?

- No, Dad, it's...

- Hey, sweetheart.

You can take that to the front door for me.

- Thank you.

- No, you see, this...

Don't interrupt.

I'm giving your friend a once-over here.

Sir? Don't stand like a statue.

Take it to the front door.

That's that square with the hole.

Look inside, you see furniture.

- Thank you.

- Yes, sir.

You doing everything in your power

to make her happy?

I'm not sure if I am,

but I'd sure like a crack at it.

- Boy, I ought to drill you, man. I like him.

- Okay, all right, listen.

Young man, don't worry about it. Relax.

I figure, what, $30?

Get yourself some candy or something.

Dad, this is Simon.

Simon?

- That's her boyfriend's name.

- That's right.

- Well, who are you?

- Wesley Thompson. That's my cab.

But if you're still down with me

making your girl happy...

I'm good to go.

- Why don't you just go?

- Just...

I wish Theresa would have told me

you guys were black.

That would have saved an awkward moment.

- Kind of like this one.

- Yeah.

- Welcome home, sweetheart.

- Thanks, Mom.

- Baby, let me get that.

- I got it.

Lemonade.

Damn!

Ain't no need, us standing out here.

Why don't we go on inside and talk?

Come on, we going on inside

with a quickness. No use standing out here.

Just come on.

That boy's white.

Nothing gets past you.

I guess it's those 22 years as a loan officer.

- You knew about this.

- I didn't know a thing, I promise you.

But I did figure it out

after the second "Daddy!"

Why she just didn't say nothing?

Give us a warning, you know?

We taught our girls

to see only people, not color.

- I know that but...

- So, what's the problem?

I guess the problem is

she just didn't tell us.

I'm expecting Denzel Washington

to come walking through the door...

and I get Whitey McWhiteman instead.

- Hi, you guys.

- Hi!

I'm just showing Simon the house.

You've a very beautiful home, Mrs. Jones.

- Why, thank you. You can call me Marilyn.

- Will do.

You, too, Mr. Jones.

Thank you. You can call me Mr. Jones.

I'm just kidding.

You got me. That was funny.

I'm making lemonade.

You want to sit down?

- Yes, thank you. Sit down, babe.

- Great.

So, Simon, they tell me

you work at J.P. Oliver?

Yes, sir.

- You like it there? You been there long?

- Well, it's a couple of years, I suppose.

- You moving up?

- There's been some recent movement, yes.

- You a hard worker? You work hard?

- The hardest.

- J.P. Oliver has a huge IPO coming up...

- He doesn't want to hear about this.

But he's asking you about your work.

- I know, but you go into details...

- He likes to be modest. Shut up.

Anyway, they made Simon their IPO...

Wait, what is it? Point man?

And they're flying him

to San Francisco on Monday.

I'm not going to see him for three days.

- So, Simon, what do your parents do?

- Yeah.

- My mother is a realtor.

- Mom, let me help you with that.

And she sells mini-blinds

and teaches dance.

Damn. How many jobs your mama got?

She's a single parent.

She's always been a hard worker.

What happened to your father?

He left when I was two

and I haven't seen much of him since.

- I'm sorry to hear that.

- It happens.

You play any sports?

I played some foosball in college.

- That's the table with the soccer guys...

- I know what foosball is.

- Stupid joke.

- It's not a sport.

Dad, stop badgering him.

I'm not badgering him.

I'm just taking an interest.

I don't understand why you don't

play sports? It don't make sense.

A man who don't play sports

isn't a real man, as far as I'm concerned.

- I used to run a little.

- What? Like track?

I mean, you don't look like a sprinter.

- What'd you run? Did you steeplechase?

- Dad!

Come on, man. What was your race?

- Cars.

- Cars.

- NASCAR.

- NASCAR!

That was the one.

I had some hopes and some dreams and...

it all ended on a hot August day

on a speedway in Charlotte.

It was a crash. Just...

They said I should've been killed.

Actually, I got out without a scratch.

I figured that was a sign.

NASCAR?

Mostly I just worked in the pit.

I mean, I test drove

for one of the drivers some, but...

What was his name?

Jay Gordon.

You drove for Jeff Gordon?

We called him Jay or J.G.

It was like a pet name.

A pit name, actually.

NASCAR?

I believe I said I don't like to talk

about that time in my life.

NASCAR?

What was I supposed to do?

He was staring at me

with those piercing eyes.

- He was not.

- It was like...

filled with piercing disappointment

'cause I don't play sports?

"A man who don't play sports

isn't really a man now, is he?"

I had to give him something! He's big.

He's like... You said he was big,

but he's big-big.

But why did you lie about NASCAR?

My father loves NASCAR.

It's NASCAR, baby. That's, like,

the whitest sport on the planet.

Not anymore, Simon.

There's, like, NASCAR and hockey.

Hockey. I should have went with hockey.

Don't worry. He'll forget about it.

He's like this with everyone.

It always takes him some time

to warm up to new people. That's all.

- What are we talking about here?

- By Sunday, you'll be a part of this family.

I can tell he really likes you.

I don't like him.

And I really don't think

the whole racial thing matters to him.

- It's not that he's white.

- It's not?

- Is this yours or mine?

- That's mine and that's for later.

No. I think it's for now.

- Lf memory serves me right, I think it's mine.

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