Hairspray Page #2

Corny.

"Detroit sound"?

What's that, the cries

of people being mugged?

Aw, velma, the kids dig

the rhythm and blues.

Yeah, they're kids, Corny.

That's why we have to steer

them in the white direction.

Right direction?

Didn't I say that?

I'll do it.

You try that again and there'll be stumps

where your feet should be.

You got that? You little whor-

Amber.

...holy moly. Baby.

Good job dancing today.

- It's time.

- Ah!

Link.

Amber.

Ah!

- Amber.

- Amber, Amber, Amber.

Save your personal life

for the cameras, sweetie.

Oh! Shiny.

Tammy, Lou Ann,

you're gonna die.

Speaking of cameras,

did you have a nice nap?

If you'd do your job, my daughter wouldn't

have to fight to be visible.

I gotta show some of the

other kids once in a while.

You know, this is a small city.

There aren't that many stations.

This time next year

you could be wearing...

an ill-fitting tux,

snapping bar mitzvah photos.

I don't know.

# It takes two, baby... #

Show Link.

This is nuts. She can't even dance.

Plastic little spastic.

Oh, Link. I can dance

so much better than her.

Why don't you notice me at school?

Mm-hmm.

# Ooh #

Hey, that was our very own Link Larkin

singin' It Takes Two.

And I'm Motormouth Maybelle remindin'...

the last Tuesday of this month's

your rhythm and blues day.

That's right! Negro Day

will be comin' your way.

So don't-uh... Uh... Over here.

Thank you.

So, catch all the croonin'

when y'all set and tune in.

Thank you, Motormouth.

And now it's time to...

Owner's coming. He'll call

my mother again, let's go.

...very own fun-lovin'...

Hey!

Come on up here, Brenda.

What?

Brenda will be taking a leave of absence

from the show.

How long you gonna be gone, Brenda?

Just nine months.

Seems like we'll have an opening

here on the show for a girl...

just as fun-lovin' but maybe

not quite as freewheelin'.

Wanna be one-a

the nicest kids in town?

Cut school tomorrow and come down

to station WYZT to audition.

- No.

- But, Ma.

Don't test me, Tracy Turnblad.

My diet pill's wearin' off.

But come on.

No one is auditioning for

anything in this household.

But why not? Why not?!

Because dancing is not your future.

One day you're gonna own

Edna's Occidental Laundry.

I don't wanna be a laundress.

I wanna be famous!

Look, if you wanna be famous...

learn how to take blood

outta car upholstery.

That's a skill you can take right to the bank.

- Hey, hey. What's all this ruckus in here?

- Not a word.

Daddy, tomorrow I'm auditioning

to dance on a Tv show.

- No, she is not.

- You are?

First the hair, now this?

But all the kids are battin' up

their hair now, hon.

You're no help.

It's "ratting," Daddy.

And our first lady,

Jacqueline Kennedy, does it.

I don't believe that.

What do you mean,

you don't believe that?!

- I don't.

- How else would it look that way?

I believe that it is naturally stiff.

She doesn't understand anything.

- Dancing on that show is my dream.

- I know.

Just because she wouldn't know

a dream if it bit her on the nose.

Well, I have information for you, missy.

I once had a dream that I owned

a coin-operated laundromat...

and I came down from that cloud

real quickly, I'll tell you that.

No!

- Oh, Wilbur.

- Fine! I'm going to my room!

She thinks I'm bein' mean

but I'm not. Those Tv people...

they don't pick people like Tracy,

or girls like us.

They're gonna hurt her, Wilbur.

I'll talk to her.

Ooh.

'K. Talk to her.

I'll talk to her.

Don't you worry.

OK.

What?

Tracy, this Tv thing.

You really want it?

With all my heart.

Then you go for it!

This is America, babe.

You gotta think big to be big.

Big ain't the problem

in this family, Wilbur.

You follow your dream.

Mine came true, and now I have the most

precious thing in the world.

The Taj Mahal of joke shops.

Heh heh heh heh!

Back step, cha-cha-cha.

Side step, front step.

Back and turn.

Front step, cha-cha-cha.

Tammy, sharper.

Side step, front step.

Back, again.

Oh, my God, Penny, there's Link.

Link!

Penny, pinch me!

Ow!

You told me to.

I can't believe I'm really here auditioning.

Side step, front step.

I can't believe I'm really

here watching you audition.

Front step, cha-cha-cha.

Back step, cha-cha-cha.

Side step, front step.

Back and t-oh, Amber.

Look at this motley crew.

Oh! This town sure has gone downhill...

since I was crowned

Miss Baltimore Crabs.

Ugh.

# Oh, my God,

how times have changed #

# These girls must be blind

or completely deranged #

# But time seemed to halt #

# When I was Miss Baltimore Crabs #

Amber, that move is far too dirty.

Mother, wake up from

that dream of yours.

- This isn't 1930.

- Ha ha ha.

# You can laugh but life's a test #

# Don't do this, don't do that #

# Remember, Mother knows best #

# For the crown's in the vault #

# From when I won Miss Baltimore Crabs #

# These steps are perfect ammunition #

# Let me show you how your mommy

dear took out the competition #

Girls, go get 'em.

Boys, let's rumba.

# Those poor runner-ups might

still hold some grudges #

# They padded their cups

but I screwed the judges #

# Those broads thought

they'd win if a plate #

# They would spin in their dance #

Aah!

# Not a chance

Boys, put me down #

Oh, good morning, ladies.

Let's see what you got.

# Twist, twist, twist, twist

mashed potato, mambo #

# Ready, begin #

# On my show you'll never find #

# A thrusting hip or bump and grind #

# What's that?

A dance for fleas and ticks? #

# Oh, you should-a seen my bag of tricks #

# Oh, I hit the stage batons ablaze #

# While belting Aida

and preparing souffls #

# But that triple somersault #

# Is how I clinched

Miss Baltimore Crabs #

Proceed.

# Are you scared we're on live? #

# No, I'm sure I can cope #

# Well, this show isn't broadcast in #

# Cinemascope #

# I never drank one chocolate malt #

# No desserts for Miss Baltimore Crabs #

# This one will never get a date #

# In those hand-me-down clothes #

# Ha! Kid, she'll never get a date

till Daddy buys her a new nose #

# I would say "Oy, gevalt" #

# If I wasn't Miss Baltimore Crabs #

# Do you dance like you dress? #

# Amber, there's no need to be cruel #

# Would you swim

in an integrated pool? #

I sure would.

I'm all for integration.

It's the new frontier!

Not in Baltimore, it isn't.

And may I be frank?

# First impressions can be tough #

# And when I saw you, I knew it #

# If your size weren't enough #

# Your last answer just blew it #

# And so, my dear,

so short and stout #

# You'll never be in #

# So we're kicking you out #

# With your form and your face #

# Aw, well, it isn't your fault #

# You're just down with a case #

# Of Miss Baltimore Crabs #

Uh, you may go.

Um... Thank you?

I think they secretly liked you.

Cutting my class, Tracy Turnblad?

I trust it was something really important.

It should've been.

# Gimme a break, yeah.

Right now! #

# Got a brand-new sound,

so scream and shout #

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