Hairspray Page #7

- Yeah!

- Yeah!

Yeah!

Tracy, you can't protest, hon.

I mean, these are lovely people...

but if you protest, you'll be on lists.

You'll be on files.

J. Edgar Hoover'll be still wiretappin'...

your cold, dead body in the grave.

Oh, Mother.

Link, we're going with them, right?

Walk with me.

You want your Belgian chocolate

animal droppings.

Dot dot. This store's for you.

- Oh! What a treasure trove.

- Huh?

Come here, baby.

Don't be sad.

We gonna make it happen, OK?

Can I go?

Now, come on, now.

I can't be worried about you out there.

Trace...

I been smilin' and dancin'

on this show for 3 years.

Mrs. von Tussle just promised...

I could sing at the Miss Hairspray pageant.

She's-she invited agents.

That's my shot, Trace.

I can't jeopardize that.

But it's what's right.

I'm sorry, Trace.

I just think this adventure's...

a little...

too big for me.

Oh, God. No, no, no.

That's not what I-

I get it, Link. It's your shot.

No, Trace, that's not what I-

It's fine.

Oh, hon.

I should go.

Give him time.

He'll figure out he's crazy 'bout you.

You have to say that,

you're my mother.

Well, I know a little

somethin' about men.

And, my personal favorite,

x- ray specs.

You can see through anything.

Skin, clothes, you name it.

Now, take your father.

And he's always downstairs

in that shop workin' late.

Do I take it personal? No.

Men always put their career first.

Remember that.

OK.

I'm really tired, I'm gonna go to bed.

All right, hon.

Night.

- I love you.

- I love you, too.

I think I'm gonna go to bed, too.

Oh, I'm so tired.

You don't need those...

to see what's under these clothes.

There's a product that really works...

'cause these are phony

as a three dollar bill.

Incredible!

I could do a fan dance with a lettuce leaf...

and you would remain completely obtuse.

Obtuse.

Yes, obtuse.

I flunked geometry.

Yeah, well-and biology too, no doubt!

Yeah.

Wait! How 'bout this?

OK.

# Those lips, those eyes #

# That food #

# Well, there ain't nothin' like a spread #

# To get ya in the mood #

# Wilbur, can't ya feel the

burnin' flame of hot desire #

# You're gonna need

more than some seltzer #

# To put out this fire #

# I'm wailin':
"look out, old Balti- #

# "- more" I'm sellin' somethin' #

# You can't purchase

at a ten-cent store #

# Oh, Wilbur, I feel like a princess #

# Come on and take me to the ball #

# I bet you're tired of heavy lifting #

# Get your hands on somethin' small #

# Because I'm a-big- #

# -blonde- #

# -and beautiful #

# It's time to face the facts #

# It's irrefutable #

# Why waste one more minute #

# Now I feel brand spankin' new #

# Hey, Wilbur, take a look #

# It's all for #

You!

You?!

Ohh!

Edna.

Your wife! You said she was out! Oh!

Wait a minute!

Hi, hon.

Ma, you don't really believe

that he would do that.

You are never setting foot

on that show again.

You hear me?

I heard you the first 400 times, Ma.

- Hey.

- Huh.

Oh.

Daddy.

It wasn't me.

I had to improvise

a bed out of something.

Whoopee cushions?

That will play heck with my sciatica.

Oop. That one was me.

Oh. Oh.

Daddy, are you OK?

Ohh.

Tracy, you know...

these peepers have never

looked at another woman.

This heart only beats for size 60.

Daddy, you know what velma wanted.

She wanted me off the show.

And I knew that,

but how could she go that far?

Come here. Come here, little girl.

Little girl.

And then to just cancel

Negro Day like that.

Just to make sure that

nobody who's different...

or who's black or Chinese...

or maybe who needs to lose a few pounds.

What are you talking? Stop it.

What are you talking?

I think I've been in a bubble or something.

Thinking that fairness

was just going to happen.

It's not.

I think people like me

are gonna have to get up...

off their father's laps and go

out there and fight for it.

Ahh. Your mother and I...

We don't see too far

past our front door.

But you... see all the way to Schenectady.

So, if there's something

you need to stand up for...

don't ya listen to old dogs like us.

We need to learn some new tricks...

from you.

You don't need new tricks, Dad.

You need Mom.

She changed the locks.

Oh.

Good night, Daddy.

Aw, wow.

Come on, baby.

Honey, took me 5 years...

to figure out you were flirting.

How could I ever?

Well, she is very glamorous.

Edna.

She just makes me feel old.

Nonsense.

Doll!

You're spry as a Slinky.

I'm not talkin' to you.

# Styles keep a-changin',

the world's rearrangin' #

# But, Edna,

you're timeless to me #

# Hemlines are shorter,

a beer costs a quarter #

# But time cannot take what comes free #

# You're like a stinky old cheese, babe #

# Just gettin' riper with age #

# You're like a fatal disease, babe #

What?

# But there's no cure,

so let this fever rage #

# Some folks can't stand it,

say time is a bandit #

# But I take the opposite view #

# 'Cause when I need a lift #

# Time brings a gift #

# Another day with you #

# A twist or a waltz #

# It's all the same schmaltz #

# With just a change in the scenery #

# You'll never be old hat #

# That's that #

# You're timeless to me #

# Fads keep a-fadin' #

# Castro's invadin' #

# But, Wilbur,

you're timeless to me #

# Hairdos are higher #

# Mine feels like barbed wire #

# But you say I'm chic as can be #

# You're like a rare vintage ripple #

Thank you.

# A vintage they'll never forget #

# So pour me a teeny-weeny triple #

Any time!

# And we can toast the fact

we ain't dead yet #

What?

# I can't stop eating #

# Your hairline's receding #

Hey.

# And soon

you'll have nothing at all #

Never.

# So you'll wear a wig #

# While I roast a pig #

# Hey! Pass that Geritol #

I love pig.

# Glenn Miller had brass #

# That Chubby Checker's a gas #

# But they all pass eventually #

# You'll never be pass, hip-hooray #

# You're timeless to me #

Heh heh heh!

Grrr!

# You're like a broken-down Chevy #

# All I need is a fresh coat of paint #

# And, Edna, ya got me

goin' hot and heavy #

# You're fat and old #

- What?

- # But, baby, boring you ain't #

# Some folks don't get it #

# But we never fret it #

# 'Cause we know

that time is our friend #

# Yeah, it's plain to see #

# That you're stuck with me #

# Until the bitter end #

# And we got a kid who's blowin' the lid #

# Off the Turnblad family tree #

# You'll always hit the spot #

# Big shot #

# You're timeless to me #

# You'll always be du jour, mon amour #

# You're timeless to me #

# You'll always be first string #

# Ring-a-ding-ding #

# You're timeless to me #

# You're timeless #

# To me #

Oh, Wilbur.

Tracy.

Wake up, hon.

Wake up. Everything's good again.

Wilbur! Wilbur!

Uhh!

Seaweed, help pass

those signs out.

Give her one.

Hey, Jackie, we're over here.

Aw, you

lookin' good, Gertrude.

C'mon, y'all.

Here we go now.

Tracy!

You're gonna pay a heavy price.

I know.

You'll never dance on Tv again.

If I can't dance

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