Hammer of the Gods

Yeah!

Steinar...

You were right.

Some of them do have brains.

More than can be said

for you, you f***ing animal.

Good that we wet

our blades so quickly.

They were just farmers.

Well, now they're

farming in hell.

The rest of our boats

will be in by nightfall.

Bring up the horses.

Halfdan can follow

once they've landed.

My father's not a patient man.

Grim, jokul.

If he's a Saxon, he's gonna

have a f*** of a surprise

- when he rides into us.

- That's no Saxon.

So this is our welcome.

Vali, what's happened?

The omens promised victory

if we attacked early.

The gods were against us.

Your father's badly

wounded, steinar.

Take me to him.

Steinar.

Better late than never.

I came when I said I would.

And this is the army

you brought with you?

He was fed gruel at first light.

The onions can already be

smelled through his stomach.

If his guts are pierced,

there's nothing more we can do.

How long?

A week, maybe less.

Listen, steinar,

I know we haven't

always seen eye to eye,

but we're still

brothers after all

and I want you to know

that when I'm king

I'll make sure you're

taken care of.

The omens

deceived us, steinar.

An army of 500

are only hours behind me.

All this talk of reason...

Sounds like a cover-up

for weakness.

We lie here because we have

no choice.

We need land!

We either take it

or our people perish.

We may have lost

the battle, father,

but we can still win the war.

And who'll lead them?

You?

In all your f***ing finery?

I will lead our army, father.

You're no more fit than he is.

Once, maybe.

But after your mother left...

You changed,

turned your back on the gods.

Thought you knew better, huh?

I am strong enough to be king.

Then prove it.

Your half brother...

My bastard son...

Refused to enter

the field of battle.

I made him swear an oath

to wait till I returned.

You know the punishment for those

that turn their back in combat.

See it's done.

I will do it, father.

Leave him, Harald. Leave him!

Get out, now!

Not you, steinar.

There's a man worthy

of this crown,

a man with fire in his heart,

brave enough

to wield the hammer

of the gods...

My firstborn.

You said you'd kill anyone

who mentioned his name.

The time has passed.

Nobody knows where he is.

He hasn't been seen for years.

Find your brother.

Find hakan.

Return with a king

who will lead us to victory.

I am needed here.

I may be dying,

but I'm still your king.

Defy me again,

and I will cut

your heart out myself.

Now swear

on the memory of your mother.

I swear.

You're out of your f***ing mind.

- I swore an oath.

- Oaths are horseshit, steinar.

I gave him my word.

I will not break it.

Hakan is almost certain

to be dead by now.

And if he's not, he was f***ing

insane before he was banished;

He'll only be more so now.

Anyway, who knows

where the f*** he is?

- You do.

- It's too dangerous.

Dangerous, is it?

Then you must know where he is.

Listen, say I do know...

Which I don't, but say I did...

What makes you think

he'd come back?

It's the king's wish.

The king will be dead in a week.

Bide your time. Be close

at hand when he dies.

And when the moment's right, you

take the crown for yourself.

We'd all back you

against Harald.

Think about it.

When I said I didn't know where

hakan was, I spoke the truth.

But I do know how to find

the last man who saw him.

Whether he's capable of helping

us remains to be seen.

- Going somewhere?

- It doesn't concern you, grim.

Let us pass.

- Like f***.

- You'd think differently.

If you knew where we were going.

We're heading

for the black mountains

in search of ivar the boneless.

That fat f***?

Last night I heard

he chopped his own head off.

Well, I heard he transformed

himself into a bear.

What do you want

with that cocksucking maniac anyway?

He's the only one who can

lead us to hakan.

It's a two-day ride

through Saxon country,

and who knows after that?

You think we're

cowards, is that it?

It sounds like it to me.

'Cause if it is, you can

kiss my f***ing axe.

I looked at the bones, steinar.

It's already been decided...

We'll travel together.

- The bones said that?

- Aye.

How far do you think you'll get?

Take us with you...

You double your odds.

Not you, vali.

Well, why not?

'Cause your sword's as limp

as your cock, boy.

Steinar, take me with you.

Watch Harald, hmm?

Report to me when I get back.

The sun is sinking.

Let's find a place to rest.

Yeah.

There was a time when they did

everything together...

Hakan and ivar.

My father went

raiding with them...

F***ing carnage.

After hakan was banished,

people were less willing

to tolerate ivar's behavior.

He knew where hakan had gone,

so he set off after him.

Why do they call him boneless?

Because you could

never see his cock,

'cause it was always

rammed to the hilt

up some young boy's a**hole.

They say he felt no pain.

Which is more than can be said

for the young boy's a**hole.

I fought beside him

a couple of times.

Whatever people

think of ivar now,

he was something

to behold in battle.

They both were.

Why did my father banish hakan?

He was cursed.

Your father had his reasons.

Maybe it doesn't

matter what he did.

It does if he's gonna be king.

Steinar, it's me!

Argh!

You'll get yourself killed.

I did as you said.

I followed Harald.

He rode out almost

the minute you left.

He crossed the Saxon lines

and spoke to their king.

F***ing snake!

I didn't know what to do.

You did the right thing, vali.

You should head back now,

before they notice you're gone.

No, it's too dangerous.

Vali can ride with us.

Grim, get him some food.

He can get his own food.

We turn back,

cut Harald's balls

off and rip out his spine.

No. We continue our ride north.

Steinar, Harald's cut

a deal with the saxons.

Our men would never back Harald.

It's one thing to want

the crown, another to take it.

You'd rather we have

us climbing mountains

on some f***ing bear hunt

while your c*nt f*** of a brother

sells our women

to a bunch of farmers!

Our women are more

than a match for Harald.

Grim,

nobody forced you to come.

Nobody's forcing you to stay.

Oh, I know you struggle

with your beliefs,

that you deny the gods

and the significance of signs...

But a lone rider arrmng

under a full moon?

Even you can't deny what a bad

omen that is for all of us.

He's young. He's got

good instincts.

He brings death with him.

I'm not about to turn

against him

for the sake

of your superstitions.

If a man doesn't

believe in omens,

then how can he know

what he believes in?

He can believe in himself.

No!

We should ride on.

You b*tch!

You're right.

Stop!

Stop.

- Let her go.

- F*** you, heathen.

Argh!

- You all right?

- Crazy f***ing b*tch.

Let's go.

The horses won't make

it much further.

Then we continue on foot.

Vali, you wait with the horses

till we return.

Don't light a fire.

Fires attract cave trolls.

Don't worry.

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