Hannah Gadsby: Nanette

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1

There's blood in the water

Won't you cut me down?

'Cause people keep on calling

Won't you cut me down?

Bobby Reid, won't you please

Cut me down?

Thank you very much.

Thank you. Might've

peaked a bit early, but...

Welcome to my show.

My show is called Nanette.

And the reason my

show is called Nanette,

is because I named it before I wrote it.

I named it at around the time

I'd met a woman called Nanette...

who I thought was very interesting.

So interesting. "Nanette," I

thought, "I reckon I can squeeze

a good hour of laughs out

of you, Nanette, I reckon."

But...

turns out...

no.

I met her in a small-town caf.

Now, I feel...

I don't feel comfortable in a

small town. I get a bit tense.

Mainly because I am this situation.

And in a small town, that's

all right from a distance.

People are like, "Oh,

good bloke!" And then...

get a bit closer and it's like,

"Oh no! Trickster woman,

what are you doing?"

I get a lot of side-eye.

So I feel quite tense in a small town.

Now, I'm from a small town,

a very small town in...

I'm from Tasmania.

Now, of course, Tasmania

is that little island

floating off the... arse end

of mainland Australia there, just...

Lovely place.

Famous for a lot of things.

Potatoes. Very...

And our frighteningly

small gene pool. That's...

I wish I was joking.

But I am very partial to the potato.

Very versatile... vegetable.

And not all the branches go

directly away from the trunk

in our family tree, I will admit.

It's a bit... topiary. But...

I love Tasmania.

I loved growing up there.

I felt right at home, I did.

But I had to leave

as soon as I found out I

was a little bit lesbian.

And you do find out, don't you? Yeah.

I got a letter.

"Dear Sir/Madam."

Wasn't a great letter to receive

in mid -'90s Tasmania.

Because the wisdom of the day

was if you chose to be gay...

I say "wisdom", even though

homosexuality's clearly not a choice.

Wisdom is always relative, you know.

And in a place like Tasmania,

everything's very relative, but I...

But the wisdom of the day was

that, if you chose to be gay,

then you should just get yourself

a one-way ticket to the mainland,

and don't come back.

Gays... why don't you just pack

your AIDS up into a suitcase there

and f*** off to Mardi Gras?

Because homosexuality was a crime

in Tasmania 'til 1997.

Not long enough ago.

And I took a long time to come

to terms with my sexuality.

There's a few reasons for that.

A lot of it has to do with bad press.

Yeah, they didn't get a good rap

when I was growing up, the homosexuals.

We didn't have social

media like we do now, but...

"Letters to the

Editor," let me tell you.

Slow Twitter. Brutal.

But in all the debate

about... homosexuality...

no one ever really

talked about the lesbians.

You know? It was all the

gay men. They're the problem!

Anal sex. That's when

the devil will get you!

But lesbians, they're like, "No...

What even are they? What

they do, though, really?

Do they even exist if no

one's watching, really?

No, don't worry about

them. No harm in a cuddle."

For a long time, I knew more facts

about unicorns than

I did about lesbians.

Another reason I struggled with...

There are no facts about unicorns.

Another reason I struggled

to identify as gay was

the Sydney Gay and Lesbian

Mardi Gras. Precisely that.

The Mardi Gras was my first

introduction to my people.

I watched it on... my TV

in my little living

room in my small town.

That was my first introduction

to my people. The Mardi Gras.

My people... flaunting

their lifestyle in a parade!

I used to watch it, going,

"There they are, my people.

They're busy, aren't they?

Gosh. Don't they love

to dance and party?"

I used to sit there and watch it and go,

"Where... where do the quiet gays... go?

Where are the quiet

gays supposed to go?"

I still do.

I'm just like...

the pressure on my people

to express our identity and pride

through the metaphor of party

is very intense.

Don't get me wrong, I love

the spectacle, I really do,

but I've never felt

compelled to get amongst it.

Do you know? I'm a quiet soul.

My favorite sound in the whole world

is the sound of a

teacup finding its place

on a saucer.

Oh, it's very, very difficult to

flaunt that lifestyle in a parade.

I don't even like the flag.

Controversial!

But there, I've said it. Now...

the Pride flag, now, I love

what it means, that is perfect.

Pride. Wonderful.

But the flag itself? Bit busy.

It's just six very

shouty, assertive colors,

stacked on top of each

other, no rest for the eye.

An afternoon of that waving in my face,

I need to express my identity

through the metaphor of a nap.

I don't...

I don't think I'm very good at gay.

I'm not the only who

thinks that. I've...

I've been getting a bit of negative

feedback of late from my people,

the lesbians.

Bit of negative feedback.

'Cause, gosh, don't my people

love the feedback. Not...

Not shy!

Not shy with the feedback. One

of our spokespeople last year...

Self-appointed.

One of our spokespeople approached

me straight after one of my shows

to give me a bit of feedback, and

that's my favorite time for feedback.

Straight after a show? Yes, please!

That is when my skin is at its thickest.

The feedback? Apparently, she said,

"I was very disappointed in

your show this year, Hannah.

I just don't think there

was enough lesbian content."

I'd been on stage the whole time.

I didn't... even straighten

up halfway through, you know?

Perhaps I've been slacking off a bit.

When I first started... the comedy,

over a decade ago, always, nothing but.

Nothing but lesbian

content. Wall to wall.

My first ever show...

was classic new gay comic

101. My coming out story.

I told lots of cool

jokes about homophobia.

Really solved... that problem.

Tick.

I told... a story about the time

this young man had almost beaten me up

because he thought...

I mean, he thought I was

cracking on to his girlfriend.

Actually, that bit was true, got

that right, but... there was a twist.

It happened late at night,

it was at the bus stop.

The pub had closed, it

was the last bus home,

and I was waiting at the bus stop.

And I was talking to a girl, and...

you know, you could say

flirting. I don't know.

And... out of nowhere, he just comes

up and starts shoving me, going,

"F*** off, you f***ing f*ggot!"

And he goes, "Keep away from my

girlfriend, you f***ing freak!"

And she's just stepped in, going,

"Whoa, stop it! It's a girl!"

And he's gone, "Oh, sorry."

He said, "Oh, I'm so sorry.

I don't hit women," he said.

What a guy!

"I don't hit women."

How about you don't hit anyone?

Good rule of thumb. And he

goes, "Sorry, I got confused.

I thought you were a f***ing f*ggot...

trying to crack on to my girlfriend."

Now I understand I have a responsibility

to help lead people out of ignorance

at every opportunity I can,

but I left him there, people.

Safety first.

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