Happily Ever After

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Evildoers of our kingdom...

we're always the losers,

the bad guys.

Is that fair? No.

Starting tonight...

I give you happily n'ever after!

Hold it, hold it, hold it!

Would the owner of a light blue coach with

"Narnia" plates please move your vehicle?

You're parked in a "Trolls Only" zone.

Thank you.

While I have your attention,

you see that there?

That's what we call a "wicked stepmother."

Feel free to boo.

I know what you're thinking.

Who put a wicked stepmother in charge?

Were there free elections?

Any chance of a recount?

You know what?

Let's go back a little...

and I'll give you

the lowdown on Fairytale Land.

Yeah, the name's kind of corny...

but we had to call it something,

and "Canada" was already taken.

So, anyway, in this tower

high above the prince's palace...

is what you might call the Department

of Fairytale Land Security.

This is where all the stories-

you know the ones-

Rapunzel...

Sleeping Beauty...

the Frog Prince-

are watched over by a wizard.

And his job is to make sure

every fairy tale goes by the book...

right up to their happy endings.

And that's why he has these:

the scales of good and evil.

See that? They have

a little pointer and everything.

As long he keeps those things

in balance, the stories never change...

and the endings

stay happy, happy, happy.

The wizard also has two assistants:

Munk and Mambo.

Munk's the guy who sees

the glass as half empty.

Mambo's the guy who...

probably peed in the glass.

You know what I'm talking about-

a world-class troublemaker.

Yeah. These are the guys you want to

trust your happy ending to.

Here's our story.

Remember her?

She was the one with the whole...

"Evil, evil, blah, blah, blah"

speech a minute ago.

Anyway, let me fill you in

on everyone in this particular tale.

We've got one wicked stepmother...

and two ugly stepsisters.

Delicate flowers of womanhood.

One fairy godmother.

I think she's a couple Hansels short

of a Gretel. You know what I'm sayin'?

One Prince Charming.

Hold the charm.

And then there's one fair maiden.

Ella.

You probably know her

as Cinderella...

but she's always been Ella to me.

She's in love with

that prince you just saw.

What does Ella see in Prince

Potato Head? I have no idea.

But just look at her.

She's so beautiful.

A girl like that could never

fall for an ordinary guy like-

So, you might be wondering

by now who I am.

Have a look.

No, not Blondie McBiceps.

No. Look to the left.

Keep going.

There I am. You know

the Cinderella story, right?

Remember Rick the servant?

Of course you don't. I'm the guy

who polishes the prince's boots.

I'm the guy who washes

his dishes and serves his meals...

and does his laundry

and flosses his teeth.

You know what kind of happy

ending the royal flosser gets?

Right.

None.

So, that's everyone important-

and me.

Okay, let's see the title now.

Happier music, please.

So here we are,

the day of the prince's ball.

I managed to swipe some mail

from the royal messenger's bag...

so I'd have an excuse to visit Ella.

Hello? Oh, Rick, it's you.

I'm sorry to be

such a disappointment.

No, no. I was expecting

the royal messenger.

With these?

They're here!

Did you see him today?

What was he wearing?

One for my stepmother,

two for my stepsisters...

and none for me.

Wait. What's that?

You've got somethin'... here.

I'm invited too!

Just like I've dreamed about.

The royal ball.

And he'll be there in his royal shirt-

And his royal boots-

which Rick spent two hours polishing.

And it was a royal pain in the butt.

I may even

get to dance with him tonight.

Gosh! Wouldn't that be super?

He's dreamy.

The prince!

- The invitations! They're here!

- Move it!

Give it! It's mine!

Out of my way!

- Mom totally hates you.

- She hates you more.

Nuh-uh. You.

You totally ripped my coiffure.

Knock it off!

Great. Here comes the dragon lady.

- You started it.

- Did not!

- Did too!

- You so did.

Shut up. She's coming.

It takes hours

to get you looking like that.

Now we have to do the whole

thing all over again.

And you.

Hand them over.

Come on. Come on.

Cough it up.

I am invited, Stepmother.

If she goes,

she'll just embarrass us.

- She has nothing to wear.

- Now, girls...

of course Cinderelly may go.

Unfortunately, she has

a few things to do before the ball.

First, she has to polish my shoes...

then cook us a pot roast,

whiten the bathtubs...

shampoo the cat,

reshingle the roof...

give the carriage a lube job-

Shall I continue?

Ella, say no.

You don't have to put up with that.

Get back to the kitchen.

You're not her Prince Charming.

You're the dishwasher.

I am not.

I do laundry... too.

Ella isn't the only one

who's worked up about the ball.

The prince is so excited

it's almost like he has a personality.

The same as always, Your Highness?

Not too much off the front.

Everything must be perfect.

Tonight's the night

I meet my damsel.

It says so right here in the book.

Princely Rule Book, Section 12:

"On his 21st birthday...

every prince must

host a ball to find a damsel...

preferably blonde,

who is either imprisoned...

cursed or distressed."

Great. Our downstairs neighbor,

the Airhead Formerly Known As Prince.

There's gotta be something better on.

There's Rapunzel...

single-handedly keeping the kingdom's

shampoo industry in the black.

Apparently, her people have yet

to master scissor technology.

Little Red Riding Hood.

Every wolf's favorite

between-meals snack.

And then there's Rumpelstiltskin.

Still trying to get the baby.

Don't ask me why he wants a baby.

Messy diapers and the drooling

and the this and the-

- Can we limit the editorializing?

- Munk. Mambo.

It's time for my vacation.

- I'm off to Scotland.

- Why?

Remember what I taught you.

You have to maintain the balance

between good and evil.

- Don't worry, boss.

- We're pros here.

- We're your assistants.

- Actually, I'm senior assistant.

What? Just 'cause he hired you 300 years

before me, that makes you senior?

Does he know he's wearing a skirt?

That's better.

Now, guys,

no fooling around with the scales.

Same for the staff.

No turning lead into gold...

no giving yourself

huge pectoral muscles, Mambo.

Hey. It was a onetime thing, okay?

And keep a special eye on Cinderella.

She'll be downstairs

at the prince's ball tonight.

Everything will go by the book.

- Just like it always does.

- Munk, open the portal.

Yes, Your Wizardry.

And remember.

Keep your eyes on the ball.

Fore!

How do you like that? I'm a prince

of portals! A master of magic!

Big deal. You're the doorman.

Door pig. Hippo thingy.

You know what you are.

Can we get to work, please?

Ricky, where have you been?

You have to wash the dishes

for the prince's ball.

You went to see Ella again,

didn't you?

What does she see

in that loser prince?

She doesn't even know the guy. I have

to deal with him every day of my life.

She is a prince dreamer, mon frre.

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