Happy, Texas
- PG-13
- Year:
- 1999
- 98 min
- 155 Views
Hey. Why did the armadillo
cross the road?
Why?
It didn't. See.
Can't someone else
be on bag for a while?
Excuse me.
Wanna be the bag guy?
Did I say you could speak to me?
Oh, sorry.
When you move up
to committing real crimes...
then you can speak to the men.
Put it in the bag.
Hey, wait. Are you gonna just
stand there like some coward...
and let him talk to you
like that?
Hey, goat boy.
The same goes for you.
Now you two damn amateurs
stay in your own yard...
or else I'll chain you there.
Goat boy?
Oh, you gonna
get you some now, boy.
Well, then
the light is green.
Guard!
I have stood upon the mountain
I have seen the other side
As soon as we get you boys
back to lockup, this is gonna mean...
a week in the hole
for each of you.
Goat boy
you fight like a girl.
Seen my love forsaken
Felt the pleasure and the pain
The light is green.
No, no, no!
Knock it off, goddam it!
I have cried in tears
of sadness
I have found a life
worth livin'
From the peace
within the noise
I have turned my back on hatred
lyin', prejudice and greed
Found the future in the present
Found hope within a seed
Hey.
Hey, hey, hey, where you goin'?
Hey, if you're escapin'
give us the keys!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
We don't need keys!
I don't even know him.
This ain't adios.
It's just goodbye.
God!
Gotta get outta here.
Hey, I don't even know
who you are.
Harry Sawyer.
Hi.
Hi.
Now we have three...
count my fingers... three runnin'.
First, a man who likes
to steal cars.
Next, Harry Sawyer.
Fraud, credit card scam.
Finally...
the reason why we're all here today
boys and girls...
Bob Maslow.
Bob Maslow is a bad man.
Let's get the guy
before he kills somebody else.
Get anything
but it has to be nonfat.
Well, this is nonfat.
What about this? Look it. You know, we
don't owe these people a damn thing.
I know. I know.
I'm not happy either, David.
Peas or corn?
Peas.
If I have to listen to one more of those
little monsters butcher "Tomorrow..."
I may end up doing something
very violent.
That is exactly
what I'm talking about.
Now I say we dump Happy.
Not that. Well, we can't dump Happy.
That reminds me. We need some toilet
paper. No, not that, the other one.
Okay, stop snapping at me.
It's softer.
I am on your side.
Let's just drop... I am not the enemy.
Listen to me for a second.
Let's just junk that crappy apartment
on wheels... I want this.
And quit this whole stupid business.
I want a real life again, you know?
A little fun.
You remember that word "fun"?
Yes, I do remember fun, Peter.
I want our old life back. You need to
get a new attitude is what you need.
I think that she may have overcharged us.
She did not.
If you would have brought the coupons
maybe we could have saved some money.
No, some of this stuff is not right.
Oh, my God. David.
It's gone.
Somebody stole our crappy camper.
We gotta go call the police.
No, listen to me a second.
Steven, if we call the police
we'll just get it back.
What?
But if we wait a couple of weeks...
call the insurance company, we can
cash in on the modern American dream.
Yes! Yes!
Yes!
Can we go to Maui?
Yes!
Trust me, it's perfection.
Dual tanks on this baby. Even on
back roads, it's more than enough.
Let's get out of Texas.
Go, Daddy, go!
Jim Hogg County Correctional Facility...
has brought out law enforcement
agencies in four states.
The three fugitives, including convicted
murderer Robert Alan Maslow...
escaped from their prison van while
being transported to the facility.
Authorities are advising motorists
not to pick up hitchhikers...
and to use caution
at all rest stops.
The big prisons are leaking
like a macram diaphragm.
Texas finest are in full manhunt mode.
Shoot, manhunt mode.
Sounds like a full weekend for
you and your pals. Oh, you.
Hey, you folks, keep an eye out
for three orangejumpsuits...
those fellas back in the pokey.
Hey, comin'up next
another Hollywood actor is in rehab.
And the state's largest tomato
gets auctioned off for charity.
Well, I guess
we better turn around.
So what you're saying is north
is there, right?
Well, a little bit. Yep.
Yep. Unless I turn the map this way.
That is so much better.
Come on.
Ow! Yeah, I almost got it.
Come on.
I almost got it.
It's the cops.
It's the cops.
Come on, let's get outta here.
Pop who?
Sh*t.
Hi.
Must be my lucky day.
Lotta folks lookin' for you.
Hey.
Oh, my!
Yeah, we're on our way in, but you
better get your tow truck out there.
Over.
Oh, no. I've heard about this before.
Vigilante justice.
We're screwed.
They're gonna hang us.
No.
Yeah, they are.
Shut up.
Oh, my God.
Okay, sell me.
What, you want...
you want me to speak?
All we wanna know is if you were
offered one instead of two...
would you take it?
We... We can do one easy.
I know this is not
what you were expecting, but...
I've always found these things
to be negotiable.
You wanna negotiate?
Now hold on.
If it's all the same with you, Judge
we'd rather get less.
Much less. Now we're gettin' somewhere.
Now stop right there.
I didn't bring them in so you could
give them less than minimum.
These fellas are professionals.
They should get what they deserve.
Damn cop.
We'll take one, Your Honour.
Sold American. Let the record show
that they've agreed to one thousand.
Put in the time and date it.
One thousand?
Yes.
Thousand what?
Which one of you is Steven
and which one is David?
What?
Oh, for Christ's sakes.
Which one of you is Steven
and which of you fellas is David?
I'm Steven, and this is...
The other... The other one.
Well, Steven, we're talking about $ 1000
here, which you've just agreed to.
Two thousand is highway robbery
and you know it.
Now, if we're done here, you go to see
Joe at the bank in the morning.
You can sign for your money then.
Welcome to Happy.
There must be something here
with our names on it.
Midget clothes.
We're midgets.
We're not midgets.
No. Maybe whoever
owned this had kids.
Circus kids.
What about this?
Hey. Maybe we're tailors.
We travel from town to town...
tailoring dresses for...
circus midgets.
Travelling midget tailors.
Yeah, you think?
No.
"Pageant World.
A magazine for the pageant
and talent industry."
Heavy reading.
What is this?
Oh, my.
Whoo!
Legs that wrap around you twice.
Yeah.
"Princess pageants at pauper prices.
Dreams come true and we come to you.
Trust Steven and David
the pageant professionals."
We put on beauty pageants.
You mean, we drive around
in this thing here...
And slide hot bodies
into tight dresses.
I can do that.
Hey, it's photos.
Hey.
Yeah. Here we are
Uh huh.
So we're gay.
How hard can that be?
It might not be hard for you
Rock Hudson...
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"Happy, Texas" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 22 Nov. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/happy,_texas_9616>.
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