Happy Birthday, Wanda June Page #13

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PENELOPE:

Go to him.

PAUL goes to HAROLD dazedly. They embrace clumsily.

HAROLD PAUL

Son, son, son... Father, father, father...

They part, unsatisfied and confused. HAROLD goes to

PENELOPE, his arms outstretched.

HAROLD:

Wife, wife, wife...

PENELOPE struggles to her feet, her face blank. HAROLD

embraces her, finds himself wrestling with a rigid,

unresponsive object.

HAROLD:

Wife, wife, wife...

HAROLD lets go, backs away from her.

HAROLD:

What's the matter?

PENELOPE:

(tearful)

Give us time.

HAROLD:

Like hugging a lamp post.

PENELOPE:

Give us time, Harold--to adjust to

your being alive.

HAROLD:

You were well adjusted to my being

dead?

PENELOPE:

We adjust to what there is to

adjust to. Perhaps Paul, being

young, can adjust to joy or grief

immediately. I hope he can. I

will take a little longer. I'll be

as quick as I can.

HAROLD:

What sort of time period do you

have in mind? Half an hour? An hour?

PENELOPE:

I don't know. This is a new

disease to me.

HAROLD:

Disease?

PENELOPE:

Situation.

HAROLD:

This reunion isn't what I imagined

it would be.

PENELOPE:

A telegram--a phone call might have

helped.

HAROLD:

Seemed the most honest way to begin

life together again--natural,

unrehearsed.

PENELOPE:

Well--enjoy the natural, honest,

unrehearsed result--surgical shock.

HAROLD:

You feel that you're behaving as a

woman should?

PENELOPE:

Every fuse in my nervous system has

been blown.

Lion doorbell roars.

PENELOPE:

Who's that? Teddy Roosevelt?

PAUL answers the door, admits WOODLY.

WOODLY:

(to PAUL)

Safe and sound, I see.

(to HAROLD)

Oh--you came back.

HAROLD:

I came back.

PENELOPE:

You know each other?

WOODLY:

We met here earlier this evening.

PENELOPE:

How neat. How keen.

HAROLD:

How was the emergency, Doctor?

Profitable, I hope.

WOODLY:

A policeman delivered the baby in a

taxicab.

HAROLD:

Tough luck. You'll have to split

the fee.

WOODLY:

(puzzled by PENELOPE's

mood)

Are--are you crying, Penelope?

HAROLD:

She's crying because she's so happy.

PENELOPE:

That's why I'm crying.

PAUL:

Dr. Woodly?

(indicating HAROLD)

You know who this is?

WOODLY:

I didn't get his name. A friend of

your father?

PAUL:

He isn't any friend of Father.

WOODLY:

He isn't?

PAUL:

He is my father.

WOODLY:

No!

PENELOPE:

Eeeeeeeeeeee-yup. Dr. Woodly--I

would like you to meet Harold, my

husband. Harold, this is Dr.

Woodly, my fiancé.

She crosses to the door of the master bedroom, kissing each

male lightly as she passes.

PENELOPE:

Good night, dear. Good night, dear.

She stands in the doorway.

PENELOPE:

Stay or go, talk or sulk, laugh or

cry--as you wish. Do whatever

seems called for. My mind is gone.

Good night.

She exits into bedroom, closes the door firmly, locks it

audibly.

WOODLY:

(dazedly)

I feel the same way. What next?

HAROLD:

What next? You leave promptly, of

course. There is no question as to

whose home this is--

WOODLY:

None.

HAROLD:

Whose son this is, whose wife that

is. A fiancé is the most ridiculous

appurtenance this household could

have at this time. Good night.

WOODLY:

(crushed, without any

possible comeback)

Good night.

He exits through the front door. HAROLD goes at once to

PENELOPE's door, tries it, finds it locked.

HAROLD:

Penelope! God damn it! Penelope!

He considers kicking down the door, thinks better of this,

turns away.

HAROLD:

Wants to fix up her makeup, no doubt.

PAUL:

Is Looseleaf Harper alive?

HAROLD:

Alive and hale. He's throwing a

little surprise party for his own

family. Is your mother often this

unstable?

(not waiting for an

answer, calling again)

Penelope!

PAUL:

She's a real heavy sleeper sometimes.

HAROLD:

Why don't you go to bed--son.

PAUL:

I can't take my eyes off you.

HAROLD:

Tomorrow's another day.

PAUL:

You know what my English literature

teacher said about you?

HAROLD:

Can't it keep till morning?

PAUL:

She said you were legendary. I

wrote a theme about you, and she

said, "Your father is a legendary

hero out of the Golden Age of

Heroes."

HAROLD:

That's nice. You thank her for me.

Go to bed and get lots of sleep,

and then you thank her in the morning.

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