Happy Face Killer

Keith Jesperson,

my favorite driver.

How you doing?

Good.

So what's in the bag?

Just some presents

for Cora and the kids

from the road.

I miss 'em

when I'm gone.

Aw, that's sweet

you spoil them like that.

Yeah, they're only kids

for so long.

Yeah?

Well, my 30-year-old's

still living in the garage

trying to build

a better bong.

Hey, today's the big day.

The Mounties are calling.

Yeah, I am golden.

I studied that test for a year.

I nailed it.

Took the physical,

nailed it.

And you know what?

I look real good on a horse.

Oh, well, I bet you do.

You're not

even Canadian,

Jesperson.

I was born in Canada, Dez.

It is the most beautiful place

in the world.

And it's a better life

for me, Cora and the kids.

Aw...

Dudley Do-Right

to the rescue, huh?

That's an animated character

and a cliche, Dez.

The actual Mounties

are a world-class organization.

Fascinating.

Anyway,

I got stuff coming in

every day this week,

so I hope you're

around a while.

No one ever

complains about you.

Except that we don't

see enough of you.

Personally speaking,

of course.

Why don't you two

get a room?

See you later.

How's Cora

and the kids?

A-1.

You know, she's the best thing

that ever came along for you,

you know that, right?

She is a saint.

How are you two lovebirds doing?

Up and down.

You and me didn't learn

a damn thing

about marriage, huh?

Except what a lousy idea it was.

I'm on my way over

to help pop build a deck.

Why don't you come over?

Sorry.

Oh, no, no, I got it.

Hey...

You okay?

Yukon, here I come.

Hey, he's back!

I'm back from the Crusades!

Anyone home?

Where are you guys?

Hello.

Yes, hello,

this is Colonel Lamaire,

from the Canadian police,

calling from Toronto.

I'm trying to reach

Mr. Keith Jesperson.

This is Keith speaking.

I've been waiting

for your call.

Good afternoon,

mister Jesperson.

Good afternoon, Colonel.

How is it up there?

Perfect, I bet.

Yes, very nice up here.

I'm afraid I have

some disappointing news, sir.

I'm sorry, I don't understand.

Well, sir,

the RC's have looked over

your medical records,

including X-rays

of your shoulder,

and I'm very sorry

to inform you

we aren't going to be able

to move forward

with your application.

Uh, no, Colonel,

there must a mistake.

There's nothing wrong

with my shoulder.

Someone read the X-ray wrong.

Nonetheless, sir,

we cannot dismiss it.

On behalf of the Mounties,

you have my deepest regret,

Mr. Jesperson.

I don't understand.

I'm sorry, Mr. Jesperson.

Are you there, sir?

Yeah, I'm here.

Thank you for the call, sir.

"Dear Keith...

...by the time you read this,

I will be at my parents

with the kids.

After 14 years together,

I can't continue

in our marriage.

You know how much

we've grown apart.

I never see you.

You're always on the road.

I've given this

a lot of thought,

and I will always care

about you,

but it's over.

You can call the kids

now and then,

but not me.

Cora."

Special agent

Melinda Gand...

The only reason

I stay in the FBI.

What about stopping

criminals, Anselo?

Protecting America.

I find your

patriotism exciting.

I thought you were

getting married.

What happened,

she get to know you?

You know, Gand,

specializing in

crimes against women

is taking the romance

out of your life.

Is that right?

I sense a secret

hunger in you

for something

more thrilling

than blood spatter

and wiretaps.

We should have dinner

and talk about it sometime.

Anselo, I owe you an apology.

See, I was under

the mistaken impression

that you were living

in this century.

Some people would take

what you just said

as sexual harassment.

MaybeIi should ask

special agent in charge Kuttner

what he thinks?

All I'm saying is you should

join the human race sometime

and go on a date

with someone, Gand.

Can't hurt.

Did last time.

I'm so sorry, Keith.

I'm sure she'll...

No, Cora,

she's stubborn.

And I, I really

screwed up, Diane.

Guess I worked too hard.

I was just trying

to make a living.

I'm sorry.

I already miss the kids

so much.

I'm sure they miss you, too.

I didn't mean to hurt them,

or Cora.

We all mess up.

You should see my list.

I should get back to work.

Thank you so much.

I just really needed

someone to talk to.

Anytime.

Hold onto my arm.

Here, hold on.

You've reached

Cora Jesperson...

You've reached

Cora Jesperson.

Please leave a message.

Hey, Cora, it's me.

Um...

Just called to say I'm sorry.

You know...

I know I screwed up,

but I wanted you to know

that I love you.

And the kids.

I never thought

I was a bad father or nothing,

but I do understand

that I have to be a...

better husband.

So if it's all right,

I'd like to come see you

at your folks.

If that's all right.

Let me know.

Alright bye.

So she walked out,

just like that?

Just like that.

You gotta get back

on that horse, pal.

Nice shot.

Thanks.

I'm a natural.

Yes, you are.

What's your name?

Sissy.

Peyton.

Sissy... I love that name.

Oh, nice one.

Really?

Yeah.

Where you from?

I don't live too far.

What's your name?

Keith,

which means

"of the forest."

"Of the forest?"

Like... bears?

Yeah, like bears.

I love bears.

Really?

Take it easy, papa bear.

You want it off?

Yeah.

And what if I don't?

Don't be like that.

Ooh, the forest bear

doesn't like that.

Why are you calling me that?

Ooh, the forest bear is sad.

I just had a really... bad day.

Don't touch that.

Ooh...

Giddyup.

I said, don't touch that.

I said, put that down.

Faster, faster,

they're getting away.

You know what, Sissy?

You talk too much.

Giddyup.

Greetings.

How are you today?

I hope I'm in focus.

That would be a first.

Okay, so let's get started.

Why am I videotaping myself?

Simple.

I'm protecting my reputation.

I want

a permanent record of me,

and I don't want

some cheesy reporter

getting it all wrong.

To begin with,

I've been misunderstood

my whole life.

And I live with that pain,

I try to not let it

get me down.

But let me tell you,

every now and then,

I get urges,

and I finally acted on them.

And it was...

What's the word I'm looking for?

Exciting.

Agent Gand,

the Bureau appreciates

the recent work you did

on the prostitution ring

in Spokane.

Thank you, sir.

You made

all the difference.

I need you

to do that again.

A female body was

discovered in Washington,

in a gorge

near the Oregon border.

A happy face...

Drawn in blood?

It appears the murder

was committed in Oregon

but the body

dumped in Washington.

With a state line

crossed,

that makes it

an FBI matter.

Local police?

Under-staffed,

over-confident.

I need you to get up

to Ruskin County,

Washington,

Meet with Sheriff J.D. Cotton.

Yes, sir.

Just remember,

we're playing chess,

they're playing checkers.

Try to make them feel included.

Solve this thing for us, Gand.

Yes, sir.

Are you sure you wanna

pack up all this stuff

so soon?

Cora will probably

change her mind.

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