Happy Tears

My flight was cancelled.

F***.

Yeah. We're fogged in.

Well, where are you?

Still at the airport, obviously.

Well, Laurent says it's sunny at home.

l don't know what to tell you, Laura.

l can come in tomorrow or the next day.

Absolutely not, Jayne.

l have been stuck out here for a week

taking care of him,

l've got to get back to San Francisco.

So you keep saying. Slower.

l'm sorry, Miss. We can't drive this slow.

We're going to get pulled over.

No. l don't care if you have to charter

a plane to Pittsburgh. You can amord it.

lt's there.

Some of us have to actually work

for a living.

Stop. Stop.

- What?

- Stop.

Stop pressuring me.

l'll be there, and when l get there,

l'm going to prove you wrong, okay?

- Get your ass here because l'm-

- The fog is lifting.

No! l-

Take a stroll.

Go on.

How do you love them?

l can't believe these are my legs.

Quite reasonable at 2,800.

So which do you prefer?

The black or the blue?

The boot on your right foot is blue-

nearly imperceptibly blue.

You can't stare at it, though.

You look, then look away.

So...who is it?

Who's the artist?

Milton Hofsteder.

l've heard of him.

l think l just read something about him.

An obituary.

Yeah.

Couple of months ago.

Have you been inside?

Would you buckle my shoe?

Jackson.

Here's the son.

Hey. Crazy timing, right?

But the work looks so powerful.

Your dad would have been happy, right?

Just wish he could have been here.

Just remember, l've got a great stam,

and you can hand it over to us

any time you want.

Don't go.

l'm Eli. l'm sorry, this is-

Mrs. Hofsteder?

Mrs. Hofsteder?

Mrs. Hofsteder?

Mrs. Hofsteder?

We're about to make our final descent.

Final descent?

We're about to land in Pittsburgh.

May l take this?

Take what?

Your cocMail.

l don't drink.

l'll just take it, then.

Do you mind

changing this station?

Thank you.

Could you change it again?

Could you change it again?

Laura?

Daddy?

Laura!

Laura!

Thanks a lot.

So don't pack 20 changes of clothes.

l packed your stum, too.

Your place was such a mess.

A sweater and a folder.

Well...

lf you have a couple of kids and no help-

Okay. Hi.

Good to see you.

New?

Yeah.

They're...they're boots.

Nice.

Yeah?

- They're blue.

- Black.

No, they're blue.

l guarantee you, they're black.

No, they're blue in the daylight.

You'll see.

What did you do to your face?

Nothing. But you look good.

No, l look like sh*t, and yes, you did.

l've only been gone for a week.

What could l have done in a week?

l really wouldn't know.

l'm not up on it.

l don't know what to tell you.

So where's Daddy?

Where's the patient?

Where's my folder?

lt's in the thing.

Daddy.

Sugar lip baby. How you doing?

- Good.

- Firm and trim,

but you can't lie still long enough

to get pregnant,

- can you?

- That's right.

So Laura says you're acting strange.

l'm just fine.

Well, you look fine. Told you.

Yeah.

What happened to your shirt, Joe?

l puked on it.

- Are you okay?

- Well, why not?

l got a house full of beautiful chicks

and a backyard full of gold.

What else can a man want?

Except maybe a little head now and then.

Oh, Daddy.

Aren't you a little too old for that?

You better ask my lady friend.

No, thank you.

We don't have to worry

about you, do we?

No.

That phone call last week

gave me a little scare.

You were a little confused.

l talked on the phone

to Laura last week, not you.

Yeah, but-

Seems to me you are the one

who's a little confused.

Joe, do you have to go to the bathroom?

She's got a thing

about my bowel movements.

Yeah.

l thought you were here to relieve me.

She says you're the one that's strange.

Poor Woofie.

l know. Couldn't survive without Mommy,

unlike some people.

So tell me about your new lady friend.

She's a mother f***er.

Can't wait to meet her.

Shelly's her name.

She's something else.

She's a nurse.

She sure is.

Go get him a shirt.

The pile on the couch is clean.

Hey-

You're Shelly.

l'm late for work.

Don't give me a hard time. Come on.

No.

Drink.

Just take it. Don't be a baby.

Blood pressure.

She's wearing Mommy's good coat.

Here's his meds for next week.

Phone numbers, what to do when,

where, et cetera, et cetera.

Why don't you dig up that treasure

and buy that nurse a new car?

Because l'm going to leave that

for you girls after l die.

All right, come on.

Joe!

Joe, l just asked you

if you had to go to the bathroom.

Oh, God. Take it out of here.

Oh, Daddy.

Come on. Let's go.

l asked you to get me diapers

after the last time.

Come on. Get a move on.

That means you, too.

Hold it, Omicer.

You got the wrong man.

Can you just be still?

Let's pull them down, all right?

You better get used to it

because l'm out of here

day after tomorrow.

You got the wrong man.

Yeah, very funny, Joe.

We got it the first time.

- Let's go to the park.

- Let's go play in the park.

l want to go inside and see Daddy.

Come on, this is your favorite ball.

You love to play with it.

He's inside the house.

No, come on. Let's go to the park.

Here, you can carry

the ball to the park.

Not with your hands, Jayne.

Are you crazy? That's disgusting.

What's wrong with you?

Here, look, just get me some liquid soap

from under the sink.

That's cold.

Jesus Christ.

Strawberry. Remember this smell?

Just get over here.

Do you want this to take all night?

Whoever used this sh*t?

l'm not talking to you.

Wow, wow, wow.

Damn it.

Damn it.

Damn it.

Damn it.

Damn it.

Damn it.

Oh, man.

- Eli, l don't know what l did with-

- It's me, Jackson.

Honey, where are you?

- At Daddy's.

- Already?

How is he?

How are you? How was the flight?

Yeah. The flight was good.

Sorry. So that's good.

lt's...

- Everything's great.

- Good.

l'm fine, except-

- It's the FedEx.

- So what? Jackson, listen to me.

lt's probably from MoMA.

lt doesn't matter. l'm fine.

l'm going to have to sign for it. Hold.

l'm fine, except l just scraped the sh*t

out of my father's ass-crack

with my bare hands!

Om!

Turn it om!

Okay.

What's with this Fort Knox lighting?

That and this fence.

lt's like...

''Attention, robbers.

Lest you pass this dump by,

let it be known there's

valuable stum in here.''

Well, he wants people to think

he's got something-

his buried treasure.

lt's so counter-

something.

l made a plate.

You didn't tell me he was shitting himself.

l wanted you to come.

Yum.

l'm so tired.

Just leave everything to me now.

lt's not just him.

lt's...

work and kids and no money.

You know, Jackson said-

We do have a little bit

of pride left, Jayne.

Well, at least Laurent does.

No, l quit.

l don't drink or smoke anymore.

Whoa. Really?

Exercise, diet, and no drugs.

Wow. Well, maybe that's going to help.

Help?

Oh, that. Yes.

Plus, l'm going to get my degree.

Good for you.

And l'm going to pry Jackson

away from his desk.

Yeah. Good luck.

And get pregnant.

How much?

They're 300.

And change.

On sale.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes