Happy Valley Page #6

Season #2 Episode #3

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JOYCE:

B*tch.

CATHERINE:

Mm.

JOYCE:

Well. I’m glad you didn’t kill him.

For what it’s worth. ‘Cos then

you’d have been in even more bloody

trouble.

HAPPY VALLEY SERIES TWO. EPISODE THREE. PEACH SCRIPT. 2727.

CATHERINE:

Yeah, you see that’s what bothers

me. I don’t think I would have. I

think I coulda probably got away

with it. One way and another.

(JOYCE is shaking her

head)

You weren’t there. He was nearly

dead anyway. He was in a bloody bad

way.

JOYCE:

You’re better than that.

CATHERINE thinks about that.

CATHERINE:

I’m not.

Just then a middle-aged WAITRESS comes over to gather any

plates they’ve finished with.

WAITRESS:

Have you done, ladies?

JOYCE:

Yeah. I have. What time’s Michael

Jackson coming on then?

WAITRESS:

Oh, any time now. Sorry, have you

been waiting for him?

(no, they haven’t. In fact

they’d have avoided

coming in if they’d

noticed the board outside

when they got here)

Thing is it takes him half an hour

to get ready, with his make-up and

his psyching himself up.

JOYCE:

Is he any good?

WAITRESS:

He’s

(she can’t lie)

You know. But we had Robbie

Williams here two weeks ago and he

was... all right. And then we’ve

got Elvis back again week after

next. Did you see Elvis? Last time?

(CATHERINE and JOYCE both

mumble/murmur “no”)

‘Cos we did have him here... oh,

six months back? And he’s...

(nods, thoughtful)

not bad either.

HAPPY VALLEY SERIES TWO. EPISODE THREE. PEACH SCRIPT. 2828.

JOYCE:

Okay.

The WAITRESS finishes gathering their plates and heads off.

CUT TO:

22 EXT. ANGELIKI RESTAURANT. NIGHT 8. 20.50 22

JOYCE and CATHERINE have left the building. We glimpse/hear

MICHAEL JACKSON singing/squealing through the open door as

they leave and walk down the street together.

CATHERINE:

D’you know what really pissed me

off. When I saw him.

(she hates admitting this

and it takes her a moment

to spit it out. They walk

in silence for a few

seconds)

Was how well he looked. He’s

obviously been looking after

himself. Inside. Narcissistic twat.

I think maybe I was hoping he’d

gone down the Swanny and that he

was getting beaten up and...

buggered around.

JOYCE:

Maybe he is.

(CATHERINE’s shaking her

head)

You don’t know.

CATHERINE:

He’ll have ‘em all wrapped round

his little finger.

JOYCE:

Why would he?

CATHERINE:

Running round in little circles

wetting themselves.

JOYCE:

Why would he?

HAPPY VALLEY SERIES TWO. EPISODE THREE. PEACH SCRIPT. 2929.

CATHERINE:

Oh just...

(she knows it’s a fear

based on nothing

concrete, but - )

I bet he gets letters. I bet

there’s a string of deluded mad

b*tches in love with him who want

to introduce him to Jesus.

JOYCE:

Right, well, either way, there’s

nothing cushy about Gravesend

Prison. Every day of his life,

he’ll be told when to sleep, when

to eat, when to sh*t. If ever he

does get out - which... why would

he? - he’ll be fit for nothing.

He’ll be institutionalised. He’ll

be hopeless and helpless. He’ll be

how old? Earliest. Fifty-seven? And

he’ll look ninety. He might look

chipper now, but they’ll wear him

down. Thirty years of prison food

and nothing to do except get bitter

and twisted and smoke himself

stupid. You did a great job,

Catherine. Death would’ve been too

kind. What you did to him was

perfect.

CATHERINE kind of knows that. In theory. In reality she’s

still haunted by so much about what he’s done to her.

JOYCE:

(remembering)

Ey, have you alibied yourself yet?

CATHERINE:

(not funny)

Oh don’t you start.

JOYCE:

Have you?

(CATHERINE’s sick of this)

No, have you?

CATHERINE:

No.

JOYCE:

Why not? Why not?

HAPPY VALLEY SERIES TWO. EPISODE THREE. PEACH SCRIPT. 3030.

CATHERINE:

Because! I can’t. I’ve checked

everything. My calendar, my smart

book, my day book, the rostas. I

mean I don’t care, I don’t give a

toss, I know I didn’t do it.

JOYCE:

Have you asked everyone else to

check all their doings?

CATHERINE:

What good will that do?

JOYCE:

Well it might jog someone’s memory.

You give me the dates, I’ll ask

around.

CATHERINE:

Right, whatever.

JOYCE:

Go on then.

CATHERINE:

I’ll text ‘em to you.

JOYCE:

When?

CATHERINE:

Tomorrow.

JOYCE:

You’ll forget.

CATHERINE:

You can remind me.

JOYCE:

Do it when you get in.

CATHERINE:

Now?

HAPPY VALLEY SERIES TWO. EPISODE THREE. PEACH SCRIPT. 3131.

JOYCE:

(just then a Skoda floats

past that JOYCE

recognises)

Ooh there he is! My knight in

shining armour.

(she waves at the driver

as he floats past)

Billy! Has he seen me? Big nelly.

He’s lost his glasses again.

He pulls in further up the road, where CATHERINE and JOYCE

have just come from.

CATHERINE:

He’s got a tail-light out.

JOYCE:

I’ll tell him. Come here.

(JOYCE gives CATHERINE a

big hug)

Night night sweetheart.

CATHERINE:

Night.

JOYCE:

(heading off)

Text me! Soon as you get in.

Just then CATHERINE realises something, just as they were

about to part so fondly

CATHERINE:

Why are you so bothered about me

alibi-ing myself?

JOYCE:

‘Cos I care about you.

CATHERINE:

Has Mike Taylor been on at you?

JOYCE:

No.

CATHERINE:

Has he?

JOYCE:

No.

CATHERINE:

Has he?

JOYCE refuses to answer again. Which could equally look like

she’s hiding something, to paranoid CATHERINE.

HAPPY VALLEY SERIES TWO. EPISODE THREE. PEACH SCRIPT. 3232.

CATHERINE:

I know he’s been canvassing opinion

about me and passing it on to

Praveen. Because of things this

therapist said. About what my

colleagues think about me.

JOYCE:

Like the high esteem everyone holds

you in.

CATHERINE:

You better not go telling him stuff

I’ve said. This evening. About that

twat. ‘Cos I’ll know if you have.

JOYCE is toying with getting offended by this. She’ll forgive

CATHERINE a lot because of everything she’s been through, and

because they’re old friends, but she would hope CATHERINE

knew her better.

JOYCE:

Do you think I would? Do you think

I’d do that?

CATHERINE:

No. I’m just saying.

JOYCE:

Right.

(a moment)

So - sorry - are you threatening

me?

CATHERINE:

No. I’m [just] - no. I’m just

saying.

JOYCE thinks about that. About what is being said.

JOYCE:

(quiet)

You don’t have to text me those

dates. I was only trying to help.

CATHERINE realises she needs to apologise. Really. The

problem is she still thinks JOYCE may have been sent on a

fact-finding mission. And however well meant, it still seems

devious. And of course they’ve both had slightly too much to

drink, and so are both more inclined towards being emotional

rather than rational.

CATHERINE:

(quiet)

Right.

HAPPY VALLEY SERIES TWO. EPISODE THREE. PEACH SCRIPT. 3333.

JOYCE:

Right.

(a moment, another chance

for CATHERINE to

apologise. But she

doesn’t. She’s stuck)

Night night then.

CATHERINE:

Night night.

CATHERINE watches after JOYCE as she heads down the road and

gets into the car. We linger on CATHERINE. Aware she handled

that badly and just f***ed up what had been a nice evening.

But still feeling stubbornly justified in what she said.

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