Happy Valley Page #4

Somebody who uses drugs

isn't just hanging out

in a dark corner

with just a few people,

you know?

It can be anybody.

We were actually in Phoenix.

We had gotten back from Africa,

and we'd left him home alone

to be with his sister.

She was watching him,

and David and I were in Phoenix.

And he had gone to work that

night, was supposed to be home.

And Brianne got a phone call.

He didn't come home at noon?

Or midnight.

He was supposed to be home

by midnight.

And apparently he had bought

some cocaine the night before

with a group of kids.

He had driven to Sugarhouse

and bought a rock.

He came home alone,

did the coke

for whatever reason.

What made him do it, why he

wanted to do it that night...

'Cause we thought he was

pretty drug-free at that point.

And he brought it home,

did it himself at home.

He was alone.

He got in the bathtub.

They said maybe the heat on top

of the coke took his life.

They found him in the bathtub.

Found him

in the upstairs bathroom.

Just white as a sheet.

And I knew when I first saw him

that he was gone.

And my son and Bree

were out in the car.

The hardest thing

I've ever had to do

was go out and tell Bree

that her brother had died.

Our son was Colton Ben Berger.

Born on April 8, 1989.

He passed away of

an accidental overdose of drugs

on January 28, 2006.

I think his real aspiration

in life was to help people.

And he'll never...

Excuse me.

I'm sorry.

... have the chance to do that.

I could probably walk into

any high school in this state

and find it within five minutes.

You know, the problem is,

is that everybody's doing them.

Kids that were the stoners.

People in band.

Computer nerds.

The football team.

You know, just normal,

unsuspecting kids

that you just expect to be

good high school students

that were all on

these crazy drugs.

I have yet to find

a high school,

public or private,

that does not have

drugs accessible

and that there is not

active drug use going on.

If you were a new student

in a new high school,

and you really wanted

to find any of these drugs,

I would bet that

it would take you

just a matter of hours.

When this was going on, I said,

"We're gonna change schools.

It's just that simple."

And he said, "You know, Dad,

you can get drugs anywhere,

anytime you want."

This person writes,

"Your life brought us life.

Hope you're running naked

in heaven.

I love you and miss you.

Kyle."

I'll eat my hat

if I find the drug addict

that's not addicted to sugar.

If you are always

on a high-sugar food,

you know that if

you're a little depressed

and a little blue

and a little tired,

all you have to go

is eat a bunch of M & M's

and a lot of soda pop, with

caffeine in it, if possible.

And so you're already training

your body to look at food

as a pharmaceutical way

to whip a dead horse.

And I think the next stage

might be prescription drugs.

And I think we need

to look at it.

I think we're a nation

in deep, deep distress.

If we want to truly help

drug addicts,

I think we need to look

at the nutritional aspect.

Is it the mind or the body?

I think it's both.

And a body will not work well

with poor food.

I personally almost

became addicted to painkillers

when I got hurt.

Because 2:
00 in the morning,

it numbs your emotional pain,

as well as your physical pain.

And then as

the physical pain lessens,

the emotional pain

can pretty much stay the same.

And, you know, that pill makes

the emotional pain go away.

I had a really good doctor,

and he probably stopped me

just a couple pills away

from becoming addicted

to the painkillers.

So now I have to be really,

really careful with them.

And now I prefer...

Food is my addiction of choice.

How does that work for you?

Well,

from a disability standpoint,

it's a major drawback.

Because it makes everything

I have to do more difficult

'cause I'm trying to move a

large body with just half my...

with just my arms.

And, so, I love my food.

I n a way, it's my best friend,

and it's my worst enemy.

You know, when I walk in,

and I see 20 different people...

And to me, they're just

But when you start

to get to know them,

they're 20 people you love.

And they're all so different.

And if that could be

outside of here,

we wouldn't feel

so rotten about ourselves.

And the guilt.

There was a time

I ruined a business,

moved back in with my parents.

So now and then,

I'd go get a hotel room.

Just so I could go drink.

And I remember one time

feeling so guilty

about what I was doing,

I couldn't sleep

in the hotel room.

I went out and slept

in my truck.

'Cause I didn't feel I deserved

to sleep on that bed,

with the TV and all that.

Where does that come from?

The upbringing here?

What is it?

Oh, definitely.

You know, Happy Valley

and Guilt Valley.

I mean, the guilt is...

My sister has moved

to California,

and she won't come back

because of it.

She doesn't want to be judged

for every little thing she does.

I think everybody in this state

needs to look in the mirror

and quit looking

through the windows.

You'd be surprised

how much gas this uses

and how much...

we'll call him "Greg"...

how much gas his car uses.

I don't know if you can see him

up in his car,

but Greg's got one of these

little weighted deals.

And when you're sick

and you're anticipating going up

and getting drugs or whatever,

he takes his little deal

and he does

these reverse tricep curls

to take his mind

off this whole process

of being sick and going up.

It's just something to do to

keep you occupied kind of thing.

Because I'll meet him sometimes,

and he's just...

I mean, just shaking.

Just shaking like a leaf.

When I'm out of

doctor-prescribed pain medicine,

then I'll have to go a few days

or a week or whatever

of doing this, you know?

And so it'll be...

You know, we'll come up,

and then we won't be up here

for another, you know,

maybe a week or two.

And then there's been

times where, you know,

I've had enough pain medicine

to get off of the other stuff

and gone a month

without the other.

And then you run out of that,

and then you get sucked

right back into it

because you just can't break

that cycle of being sick

and getting off of opiates,

you know?

Maybe I always haven't been

the best husband,

but my kids love me.

If somebody were

to take me today, you know,

one thing that I do know

will be said about me is that

"the guy was

a really great dad."

And that's one thing

I'm absolutely proud of.

That's what I live for.

I think the biggest toll

that it's taken,

just if you want to

look at financially,

is losing about

a $500, 000-a-year job

because of my addiction.

Just going out there

and either running out

of medication to take

and getting so sick

that I couldn't perform my job.

And then kind of

getting labeled that way

and people not wanting

to take a risk

on somebody that has a problem

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