Happy Valley Page #6
- PG-13
- Year:
- 2008
- 90 min
- 109 Views
Four years.
I've been divorced
for four years
and been in this room
pretty much.
I just hide.
Hide from reality.
Just go get my heroin
and come back and hide.
And you know?
I got married, stayed clean,
broke my back,
went in the hospital.
They gave me a whole bunch
of, you know, painkillers.
They don't work because
you already have a tolerance
even though you've quit,
so it's up doing heroin.
Then, pretty soon,
your wife's coming in,
and you're doing heroin
on the bathroom floor,
and, you know, pretty soon,
they just get sick
of dealing with it.
And the last straw
was I quit again
and then broke my leg
racing motocross.
Same thing.
Then she just got sick
of dealing with it.
And, I mean,
you can look around and...
All-State in three sports
in high school,
played college football
and baseball,
and think of the life
I could have had.
And many times over,
I kept getting chance
after chance after chance,
and... and I'm still doing it.
Get a few days, and then,
I don't know.
It just goes on.
And then I have such
a tolerance,
I can do, you know, 40 times
more than the average person.
Literally enough to O. D.
a band of gypsies, you know?
And so...
That much right there
would O. D. a person
that's never done it before.
Oh, just bust up my nice room.
And then I'll cook up
some crack, some cocaine,
and put it on there, too,
and mix it.
Plus, I just ate eight Valium.
And so...
It's hard to imagine
why that's so addicting, but...
And it's not just the dope
that's addicting,
it's this whole thing.
Going up and getting it,
the rush of getting it.
Getting it from the Mexicans.
The cops are sitting
across the street.
The ride down, the ride back,
you know?
Making it up, fixing it up.
Literally, when I was coming
down and running into the house,
it's like Christmas.
You're running in here so giddy.
You got to get your water,
you know?
It's sad.
It's sad.
The more you're on,
the harder it is to come off.
And the problem is, is you feel
like you have the worst flu,
the worst everything,
and you're so sick.
You're throwing up.
Runs down your pants,
and you get some heroin.
I n two minutes,
you're at the top of the world.
And that's the problem,
because you're so low,
and, all of a sudden, bang.
You know, 'cause normally
when you're sick or whatever
or have cancer or whatever,
you're sick.
There's nothing you can do
about it.
But with this, you know
damn well you get some,
you go from here to here.
And so it's such a big jump
that, you know, that's one of
the reasons it's so addictive.
And I just hope and pray
that we can help some people
and... and for me to do this
is unbelievable for me because
which is, to me,
I'm making some progress
because I've got to help
some people.
And I think the only way
I'm gonna get better
is if I help people,
because then I'm not doing it
just for me, you know?
And I'm not showing as much
emotion because I'm high,
and that's what getting high
does, is it takes your emotion.
It makes the hurt go away,
you know, temporarily.
I'm willing to go through hell
to do something positive.
And Daniel... at me
all the time.
Like he's high and mighty
and I'm living in this room,
and he doesn't realize that...
and it's starting.
He's getting
his family problems now.
Got the wife wanting divorce.
It's starting.
You know,
I can see him in me so much.
Gonna put them on
a spectrograph, right?
Here's what morphine looks like,
right?
Here's what Lortab looks like.
Here's what Percocet...
They're all the same thing.
They're almost the exact
same thing, you know?
So, pay for the doctor's visit,
pay for, you know,
for your insurance.
Pay for the prescription.
Pay to take it
down to Walgreens,
or get in your car,
spend $6 worth of gas.
Not get the exact same thing,
get a stronger version
for $ 10 in a little balloon.
When I first came here in '86,
drug deaths weren't that common.
We were probably seeing
50 to 70 drug deaths a year.
The vast majority
were illegal drugs.
Last year, we did
in this office.
Of those 411,
prescription-drug-related
deaths.
These are drugs like oxycodone,
hydrocodone, methadone.
If you add folks
who are both illicit,
as well as prescription drugs,
that total goes up to 270.
painkillers in particular,
which is a huge problem here in
Utah from what I have noticed,
it's like smoking weed, which
is a grown plant, you know?
It's something that comes
from the earth.
For me, I think that's a little
lesser down there, you know?
It's like, "Okay, that grows."
It's not like it's okay, but
you're not gonna be hooked.
But people that are
on painkillers,
they're hooked, you know?
It gets you by the...
and it's just, from that point
on, you're screwed, you know?
You have to have it,
and you basically will lose...
I've seen people
just lose themselves.
You know someone, a good friend,
you know, and they're the person
you know,
and then down the path,
they've used so much
that they'll flip on you
and do whatever they can
to get their next fix.
They'll just lose their soul
almost.
It was not anything
you'd ever wish on anybody...
to lose a child.
Blake was a very outgoing kid
as, you know, in elementary,
junior high.
Very popular.
Had a lot of friends.
He was always kind of the leader
of the group.
He was doing well, you know,
until he hit about his sophomore
year in high school.
Got kicked off the team
as a sophomore,
grades started to drop,
and his personality changed.
He just became reclusive.
He'd come home,
and he'd go to sleep.
We never thought
anything about it.
Then we started questioning him,
and we started looking at him,
and once you look at him,
then you can see it.
You can see the signs.
You know, he'd come home,
and his eyes would be bloodshot.
He'd be tired.
He was pale.
There was many times
where I had to jump in
between my husband and Blake
because he was so frustrated
with him.
Blake would be high
My youngest daughter,
who was in junior high,
would come home
and go straight upstairs.
My other son was serving
a mission,
so he was kind of
out of the loop anyway.
And we all knew that eventually
he was gonna overdose
doing what he'd done.
We knew that he couldn't do
what he was doing
and live through it.
And I was upstairs
getting ready to go to work,
and my husband came running
upstairs and screaming at me,
saying, "Suzanne, come down.
Something's wrong with Blake."
And he was laying on the bed,
and my first thought was that
he had cotton in his nose
'cause he had foam coming
out of his nose and his mouth,
and then I realized
that it was mucous
and that he most likely
had a seizure.
I pulled him off the bed
and couldn't get his mouth open
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