Harper Page #2

Oh, yeah? Anybody in particular?

Yeah. Your buddy.

Albert Graves.

Oh.

Oh! Hi.

You look like death warmed over.

Always nice to hear from

my fans. What's that?

What's that?

- Things any better with Susan?

- Yeah. Terrific.

Good, good.

Oh, I just... Staying in shape.

I still do the old Canadian Air

Force exercises every morning.

Yogurt for lunch and then a lot of this.

It's all paying off, don't you think?

Yeah, I've never seen you look more

ravishing than you are at the moment.

You talk to Mrs. Sampson?

- That's a sweet lady. Warm, content.

- A love.

- Why'd she hire me?

- I talked her into it.

I think Sampson needs protection.

He's worth $20 million on the

hoof and he's an alcoholic.

That's just for openers.

I also think he's losing his mind.

Did she mention Claude, the

holy man he gave the mountain to?

Yeah.

Now Mrs. Sampson thinks the old

man is running with another woman.

That's because I encouraged

her to think that.

She'd never spend a penny on him if

she only thought his life was in danger.

What about the old-fashioned

custom of calling the police?

I can't. He's psychotic on the subject.

If I went to them and they

found him, he'd fire me.

What kind of a weirdo is Sampson?

Well, I can tell you everything

in one word:
moneymaker.

He has to make money. He's dedicated to it.

It's the only way he can prove

to himself he's still breathing.

He had a son, you know.

A pilot. He was killed a few years back.

That's when he started losing his mind.

He's got this fella now, Allan Taggert.

- We met. Nice-looking fella. -

Looks, looks. Who cares about looks?

Well, the point is, we're less than

two hours' drive from Los Angeles,

so what does he need a pilot for?

Personally, I like Allan,

but from a business standpoint

I feel he's an unnecessary expense.

How do you have an unnecessary

expense with $20 million?

Well, that's enough exercising.

I don't wanna get too strong.

Did you meet Sampson's daughter?

That ugly, skinny kid?

Yeah, we passed in the night.

Oh, Lew, isn't she incredible?

Oh, boy.

You dirty old man.

Go on. You think I'm too old for her.

No. When she's 100, you'll only be 124.

You think I'm old enough to be her father?

You're old enough to be her grandfather.

Go to hell.

Solid Citizen Albert, hung

up on a chick at your age.

That's a hoot.

- Lew, did she say anything about me?

- Nope.

- She didn't even mention my name?

- I only saw her for a second.

Oh, that explains it.

How does she feel about you?

Well, she's young and cautious.

You remember how that was.

But I have great expectations.

So do I.

My going rate is $2,000 flat

- against 100 hours a day and expenses.

- It is like hell.

But you can have it if you'll

mention my virtues to Miranda.

My pleasure.

Hey, what are your virtues?

I decided to fly down to

LA with you, all right?

- Hello, Miranda.

- Oh, hello, Albert.

Excuse me, honey.

Say, did you send a

limousine for a Mr. Sampson

- to Van Nuys Airport yesterday?

- No, sir.

Well, there was this

here fella at the airport

said he left in a big, black limousine.

Well, he called here

yesterday and asked for one,

but then he called back and canceled.

You sure it was Sampson both times?

Oh, yes. I recognize his voice.

He's been coming here for years.

Did he sound drunk?

Oh, sir, I couldn't give

that kind of information.

Sorry.

Got the key?

Well?

Daddy hasn't been here for a

month. I just asked the desk clerk.

Terrific.

Here.

Well, I think I'll flake out

awhile and then call some friends.

Well, I was hoping we might do something.

The thing about you, Miranda,

is you're such a drag.

Wow!

No wonder your old man took to the sauce.

I would, too, if I had to sleep in here.

Ever since my brother died I've

been trying to argue him out of it,

this astrology bit,

but obviously without much success.

- Any astrologist in particular?

- None that I know of.

- Harper.

- What?

- You work hard, you know that?

- Yep. Regular beaver.

- Harper?

- What?

Don't you ever feel the need to relax?

Let's relax some, Harper.

For what? So the beauty in the next

room is gonna get all hot and bothered?

Lady, if you can't get him

hot and bothered by yourself,

I sure ain't gonna do it for you.

Don't you think I'm attractive?

You're young, rich and beautiful,

and my wife is divorcing me.

What do you think I think?

I think you wanna relax.

All right, honey. If you

really wanna play around,

we'll just douse the lights

and seal off the room.

Feel better now, Myrtle?

- You know her?

- No.

- Hey, Beauty, Fay Estabrook strike a note?

- Yeah.

You ever seen her with Sampson?

Any idea where she hangs out?

Yeah, sometimes.

She used to be a pretty hot young

starlet. What happened to her?

She got fat!

Give me another one of those, will you?

It's 6:
02.

We don't serve domestic after 6:00.

Only imported.

Terrific. Keep the change.

There is no change.

Keep it anyway.

Are you Miss Estabrook?

- No! Fay Estabrook?

- Dumpling!

It is, isn't it? Can I have your autograph?

Well...

You know, it's for my daughter.

She watches all your pictures.

She thinks you're just wonderful.

- That's nice.

- I ain't bothering you, am I?

No. It's no bother.

Thanks. That's all right.

Just sign right there.

No, that's all right, just one.

Just make it to Billie Lou.

Something real intimate.

Ain't you got a pencil?

Well...

- Billie Lou?

- Can I... Billie Lou. Yeah.

Can I sit down?

Actually, you know, that's... I

don't have no daughter. That's for me.

I don't know how many fans you

have. You probably got millions,

but ain't nothing, nobody

who's more faithful than I am.

I just watch all your

movies on the television.

Oh, that's nice.

- Can I buy you a drink?

- Sure. Why not?

- Boy?

- Wait a minute.

- When were you born?

- June 2.

June 2. Gemini. Oh, Gemini are cold-hearted.

Oh, are you cold-hearted, dumpling?

Well, hell, big dogs is

always licking my hand.

- Hey!

- Oh, I'm sorry, baby!

- Oh, it's just what I needed, honey.

- There's one in every crowd.

You're sweet. You ain't no Gemini.

Honey, where is the... The...

Hey, this place is like the morgue.

Where have all the merrymakers gone?

- I'm gonna take you home, honey.

- Oh, now, don't rush things.

Come on, let's have another

little drinkie first.

- You want another little drinkie?

- No, stiffens up my chewing gum.

Anyway, you're too classy

for a place like this.

Yeah. I am classy.

Not everybody notices.

Well, I got just the spot

for you. Bel-Air Hotel.

Oh, the Bel-Air? Oh, yes,

that's... Oh, I need...

Hey, you think you could

cough up a split of champagne?

Oh, and let's have a little caviar, huh?

Oh, I love this place. I've always adored it.

Why, I'm so glad you suggested it.

- You know, I have a friend stays here a lot.

- Oh, yeah?

Oh, you're jealous. You're

getting jealous. I can tell!

What is it with me that men

all the time wanna possess me?

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