Harry and the Hendersons

1

(POUNDING)

(GROWLING)

GEORGE:

Survival of the fittest, Son.

ERNIE:
The law of the forest, right?

Right.

Of course, your new rifle

gives you a little edge.

(SHUSHING)

Dad, do you hear...

(WHISPERING) Be real quiet.

Lunch!

And I killed it!

Nancy!

Will you look at the size

of this thing?

There's no way

I'm eating a dead rabbit.

I thought you said

we were leaving.

Will this never end?

Start the fire, Nan.

We are leaving. Before lunch.

George, what happened to "home before

dark. Grab a bite on the way"?

Come on, Nan, we gotta cook it.

It's Ernie's first kill.

Yeah, it's my first blood.

I hope you're proud of yourself.

Look, we'll stuff it. Okay?

You're a butcher, Ernie.

Back off, Sarah!

It was him or me!

(SQUEALING)

SARAH:
I don't feel very good.

ERNIE:
Pull over, Dad, she's gonna launch.

GEORGE:
Ernest.

NANCY:
Open the window, honey,

a little air will do us all some good.

SARAH:
It's the fish.

Ernie, close the cooler.

NANCY:
Ernie, what are you

doing in the fish?

Looking for my baseball glove.

Hey, Dad.

Yeah.

Do you think I can get a pair of

real major league baseball cleats

when we get back?

You bet.

Great. I'm gonna

spike Frankie McDowell.

NANCY:
No, you're not.

Listen to your Mom, Ern.

But he spiked me twice!

That's different. You go

right ahead then. George.

Nan, you don't understand these things.

It's just smart baseball.

Hey, hey. Be careful of

my drawings back there.

And don't step on the trout.

Or my flowers. They're still alive.

Or Mom's flowers.

Oh, Nan, don't you love

roughing it in the wild?

"Roughing it," George?

The only thing rough

about it was when

the generator went out in the

middle of Masterpiece Theatre.

(BRAKES SCREECHING)

Whoa!

George, please, slow down.

I know these roads

like the back of my hand.

And I know Seattle's

not going anywhere.

Want your sunglasses, George?

No, I'm fine, dear.

Mom, Ernie's playing

with that gun again.

Ernie, don't even touch that gun.

It's a rifle, girls.

If you can shoot with it,

it's a gun.

Oh, my God! Look at that deer!

Did you see that, Sarah?

No, I missed it.

I always miss everything.

Hey, Dad.

Yeah.

Maybe there's a chance

you can blast something.

Ernie, don't give Daddy any ideas.

I could not face two stuffed bunnies.

Did I bring my rifle this time?

Did I? No.

You're right, George, we'll always

remember this as our first camping trip

when Ernie killed something

and you didn't.

My God!

(BIRDS SQUAWKING)

My God.

I thought I hit a man!

Is everybody all right, Nancy?

Okay, kids?

Sarah, are you all right?

Yeah.

George, what is it?

I don't know.

I hardly saw it.

But it's gotta be a bear.

Could it be a gorilla?

I don't think

they get that big around here,

SARAH:
I think we should

just get out of here, Dad.

What if it's still alive?

What if it's in pain?

If it's still alive, it's

probably not in a very good mood.

No way it's alive!

You trashed him, Dad.

There's probably guts and

eyeballs hanging off the bumper.

Knock it off, Ern.

We can't just leave it

in the road, suffering.

ERNIE:
Cool. Look.

(GROANING)

Everybody, stay in the car.

Son of a b*tch.

You drive a classic, you try to take

good care of it, and some dumb animal...

George, shouldn't we call a Ranger?

No, not yet.

ERNIE:
You did bring it.

Don't you need some backup?

No.

I said stay in the car.

This is exactly why I brought it.

For protection.

You didn't have to lie.

ERNIE:
Shoot it!

It's dead.

Shoot it anyway!

Nan!

What?

I think you better come

take a look at this!

(GASPING)

(WHISPERING) Dad.

Yeah?

What if it's him?

Who?

Bigfoot.

Bigfoot?

Holy sh*t! Sorry, Dad.

That's okay.

I was looking for the right words.

It smells gross!

George, what is it?

I guess it must be

a Bigfoot.

I don't know what else it could be.

Nancy, this is a big deal.

It's a major discovery.

I bet a museum

would want it or something.

We have to take it home.

(SIGHS)

Ernie, you and your sister go take the stuff

off the top of the car, put it in the back.

Right, Dad.

And tell your sister she's gonna

have to help us lift this thing up!

Oh, Sarah!

Pull it forward!

Don't worry.

NANCY:
I feel so guilty.

What if it's the only one?

It's not as if

I tried to hit it, Nan.

It was just luck.

Luck?

What if we've just rendered

an entire species extinct?

One of a kind?

This thing could

really be worth something.

I don't believe you just said that.

Come on, Nan. It's all

in how you look at it.

(GROWLING)

It's alive!

Dad!

Did you see those big honking teeth?

Ernest.

Get me my rifle.

George.

What are you gonna do?

Be careful.

It's still loaded.

George, you're not going out there?

We can't just leave it

in the road, can we?

What if it's suffering?

Sorry.

It's dead!

Are you sure?

Yeah.

Are you really sure?

I'm really sure!

Remember, you were sure before.

Nancy, I'm not a doctor,

but it has no pulse,

it's not breathing

and it's cold as a Popsicle.

Believe me, honey, whatever

it is, it's definitely dead!

(PANTING)

(BANGING)

(EXCLAIMS)

(ROARING)

(EXCLAIMING IN FRIGHT)

(EXCLAIMING)

(ROARING)

(SNIFFING)

(SNEEZING)

Help!

Somebody!

Help!

Ernie, get your mother!

Quick!

(EXCLAIMING)

All right. I knew you weren't dead!

Not yet I'm not!

Not you, Dad, him!

Help!

George, what...

(GRUNTING)

Are you all right?

Nancy, get my rifle, quick!

What...

What are you...

George!

(STAMMERING)

Sarah, don't come in here!

Oh, my God!

Horrible smell!

Nancy, do something!

(STAMMERING)

Be very careful.

What are you doing?

(SNIFFING)

Oh, God!

GEORGE:
That's brilliant. Come on,

everybody, let's get out of here! Quick.

Come on, Sarah.

No!

Mom, my corsage!

No.

My orchid!

It's eating

my fifteenth birthday corsage!

Sarah!

The one I saved for

over six whole months!

(SPITTING)

I was gonna keep that flower

for the rest of my life!

And you ate it!

(WHISPERING) Sarah!

I don't care how big and

ugly and smelly you are.

You just can't go around eating

other people's corsages!

That was a bad thing you did!

A bad, bad thing!

Do you hear me?

Even if you are an animal!

You just can't go around

acting like one in this house!

Let's get out of here, now!

Boy, Sarah. You really pissed him off!

Shut up.

Shh! Both of you!

Come on, it's going

in the dining room!

Wow!

That's great, that's just great!

George, he's eating my plant.

Look, he's eating my plants! No!

He's eating my

Passiflora coriaceas.

Stop that!

GEORGE:
Oh, God!

(GASPING)

(WHIMPERING)

Uh-oh.

Oh, dear.

(ALL GASPING)

Okay, that's it!

George! Can't we

just call somebody?

George, what's that for?

I know what I'm doing.

Oh, George!

I'm not gonna stand around while

some animal destroys our house!

Dad, it's not an animal!

George?

George?

I'm okay.

Everybody, get up here!

Quick! Quick!

What's it doing?

It's burying Grandma's mink stole.

Don't you look at me like that!

Why are you all

looking at me like that?

Rate this script:5.0 / 2 votes