Harry and Walter Go to New York Page #2

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And I haven't once bathed in

truly hot water since I arrived here.

- Would you like a cigar, sir?

- Oh, thank you.

Try the, uh, quail eggs,

Jack.

And something has got to be done about

the noise from that damned nitro detail...

in the rock quarry!

- More brandy, Warden?

- Thank you, no, sir.

I have pressing duties

at the gate.

The eats

was magnificent.

I particularly was taken

with those... little chickens.

Mr. Chatsworth,

it was nice to meet you, sir.

It was likewise.

Excuse me, sir.

Would you care for us

to clear the dishes now?

Later, Harold.

Right now, Mr. Chatsworth and I

would appreciate a bit of privacy.

Come back in an hour.

Did you try the quail eggs,

Jack?

Uh, excuse me, sir.

Would that be in the icehouse

with the wine, sir?

Would what be in the icehouse

with the wine?

Privacy, sir.

Good-bye, Harold.

Right.

Walter.

I thought they'd make a nice

change from the gulls' eggs.

They're so large.

Just Just try one.

This is for later,

Mr. Worth.

Good-bye, Walter.

Adam,

where'd you find those two oafs?

Oh, they're not oafs, Jack.

They would require practice

to become oafs.

- Did you bring the plans?

- Right here.

You know, I stood right there with

Spangler while he drew them from memory,

12 hours after he'd burned

the original.

Imagine, Mosler's own designer

selling us the blueprints

of the Crisp

invulnerable bank.

Marvelous. Exquisite.

Come over here, Jack.

- And all from memory?

- Mm-hmm.

Brilliant. Take the other side

of the picture, Jack.

You did give him

the $20,000, didn't you?

With my own hands.

And now he's probably

halfway to Tahiti.

The man's an artist.

A true artist.

They are beautiful.

There's no denying.

But you know, Adam,

$20,000 is a lot of money...

to be investing

in revenge.

Revenge, Jack?

You don't really think that I would stoop

to anything as petty as revenge, do you?

That guy just stole

my hair.

Back.

I keep the wrong door.

It's a joke, Jack. See ya.

I wish you'd be a little more

careful with the hair, Harry.

I found a lock of it

in my soup last night.

Keep your soup

away from my hair.

Hey.

What do you think

of our new ad?

"Special. A lock of hair from the head

of Adam Worth, the emperor of thieves.

Souvenir buttons

from his shirts" da, da, da.

"All for 25 cents. Hurry, hurry, hurry."

You oughta be ashamed, Harry.

Ashamed.

Never mind.

We got a business to run.

Um, Walter, my, uh

my eyes are very tired.

Could, uh could you

read this for me, please?

"Dear Mr. Worth. I want to be

just like you when I grow up,

so I broke into my big brother's

piggy bank and stole 25 cents

to send to you

for your picture.

Sincerely, Fred Dooley.

Age 12, writ by hand."

- Ah, that's beautiful.

- It's criminal, Harry.

One genuine autographed picture

coming up for little Fred Dooley.

Give him a good button,

Harry.

Is that nice?

Difficult?

Maybe impossible.

But the challenge,

Mr. Crisp, is irresistible.

Hey, Walter.

What do you think, huh?

Will you take that off?

He's gonna kill us, Harry!

Stop it! He's studying

them diagrams. Stop it.

Harold, Walter,

come in here!

- Mr. Worth?

- At your service, sir.

Would you call

this glass clean?

No.

I'm sorry, sir.

- Uh, we'll have it shined right up.

- Yes, sir.

Why don't you shine it

on your jacket?

Oh! Oh, he was just

trying this on for size, sir.

- It's a beautiful garment.

- Yes, sir.

I noticed that last week last week

when you had it on, sir, uh,

it was a little snug, and I thought

if I just moved the buttons just...

Speaking of buttons.

What's happened to all

the buttons on my shirts?

Buttons? Uh, sir...

Oh, it must be

the laundry, sir.

They've been

They're very...

The laundry.

Lord knows, I spoke to them, sir.

I'm sure that they're not hand...

Used to handling

fancy shirts like that, sir.

I'll speak to them.

I'll speak to them right away.

And you, uh, take care of that.

I'm sorry for him, sir.

Polish this right up, sir.

You're a bit of a Jack of all trades,

aren't you, Harold?

Butler, waiter, tailor.

Uh... singer.

Dancer, comedian.

You're not going to start all that

singing and dancing again, are you?

Sir, if you'd just

give us one chance.

I'm gonna get this silverware...

- And really polish it up.

- Just one chance. No!

This This man

is so good.

He, uh

He can do anything that, um,

Eddie Foy or Tony Pastor

can do, and better, sir.

If you'd give us that one chance.

I'm gonna dust

in the bedroom, sir.

H-He's shy. Very shy.

And all great artists

are very, very shy, sir.

Not all, Harold.

- Whoa.

- Thank you very much.

God, can that man

pick 'em.

Miss Chestnut, I presume?

You presume correctly.

And you?

My name is Durgom.

I'm the warden. Captain O'Meara.

Hello, Captain O'Meara.

How are you?

You're here to see Adam Worth.

Yes, yes.

I have an appointment.

- Who's he?

- Oh, he takes pictures.

Jesus.

You're planning to spend

the evening?

Oh. Um...

Mr. Durgom,

I am a newspaper woman.

I came here to interview

Adam Worth, not to entertain him.

Big ending now.

Then I'm going to sax.

That's enough, boys.

The audition is over.

- Sir, there's just a little bit more.

- No there isn't, Harold.

- Right.

- Please come in.

Mr. Worth, may I present

Miss Chestnut from...

The Advocate.

Miss Chestnut. Thank you

for your charming letter.

I have been looking forward

to your visit.

Oh, well, thank you,

Mr. Worth. My!

My, my, my, my, my.

I see that, uh, you have

your own private cell.

Um, your own

personal belongings.

And, uh, even

your own entertainment.

A meager effort to rehabilitate

these poor young men, I'm afraid.

But thank you for noticing.

Uh, yes, this is my assistant,

Mr. Lewis Hopkins.

I was, uh I was just

wondering if he might take, um...

A few photographs

while we talk.

Of course.

You may leave now,

Mr. Durgom.

Yes, sir. If there's anything else

you need, let me know.

Certainly.

My goodness, Mr. Worth.

Even your own warden.

A lonely man in an underpaid job,

Miss Chestnut.

Let us not judge him too harshly.

Hold it.

My next question is, why should

if you don't mind my saying...

A handsome, cultivated

millionaire...

continue to steal

for no apparent purpose?

No purpose?

Do you know what it's like to break

into a bank at 2:00 in the morning?

No.

Every pore in your body

tingles with the possibility

of failure...

The danger of being caught.

- Less danger. Right.

- Hold it!

They're coming, Harry!

Harry, they're coming.

Ah, refreshments.

Yes, uh, Walter, would you

kindly open the champagne, please?

And, uh, two very nice

clean glasses, sir.

Excellent.

Carve the lemon

and the onion, Harold.

Right.

My readers will be pleased to know

that you are still in possession

of so much of your hair.

Oh?

Do they think I've lost it?

Surely they are concerned, considering

the recent sale of so many of your

locks of hair as the result

of the advertisement.

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