Hart to Hart: Old Friends Never Die

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1

This is my boss, Jonathan Hart.

He's a millionaire. Self-made.

And this is his wife, Jennifer.

She's quite a lady.

Oh, and that's me.

My name is Max.

I take care of them,

which ain't easy,

because when they met

it was murder.

Yes, sir. It went exactly

as you planned.

I believe you're ready, sir.

A costume for

Mr. and Mrs. Hart.

If I can't beat this challenge,

I'll hang up my pin cushion.

They're all here, you know. The

greats and the near greats.

From Valentino to Dietrich,

and Chaplin and Harlow.

Those were the glory days,

when Hollywood costumes meant

style and glamour and panache.

Mr. and Mrs. Hart,

if you'll come this way.

Now, these are the showgirl

costumes I told you about,

but I don't know why

that would interest you.

Let's see now.

Where is the one...

This... This aisle has some very nice

things in it. If we just come down here...

Don't give up now,

we're just getting started.

Charles Laughton wore

this in Henry VIII.

How about this? Hedy Lamarr in

Samson and Delilah.

Perhaps it would help

if I knew what the theme was.

Oh, I don't

think there is a theme.

We're simply going to Alfred

Raine's private island in Hawaii

for the weekend,

for a costume party.

Alfred Raine? The publisher?

- Yes.

- Oh, I am impressed.

Uh, you're not one of Mr. Raine's

world famous authors are you?

Uh, not exactly, no.

Oh, well. I suppose

we'll find something.

Don't be so modest, darling.

You know the only reason

that we're going to this affair is because

Raine is going to try to sign you.

I know that and you know that

but does he have to know that?

Wait, I've got it.

Famous couples.

Romeo and Juliet.

Columbus and Queen Isabella.

Cary Grant and

Katharine Hepburn.

Antony and Cleopatra.

On the other hand, there is

always another way to go.

Not exactly what I had in mind.

Oh, too bad.

Gee, Ollie, I thought

we looked great.

Really?

Well, all right, Stanley,

if that's what you want.

We'll do it.

Herbert, wrap up another

Laurel and Hardy.

The decision's been made.

- Freeway, come here!

- Come on!

- Yay! Up, up, up!

- Phone call for you.

Oh, thanks, Max.

Hello? Yeah, hi Lou.

Well, uh, keep trying, okay?

Yeah.

Right. Thanks a lot, Lou. We'll

be gone for the next four days.

- Bye.

- What was that all about?

Remember my telling you that

somebody was making a run

on Hart Industries stocks?

We still don't know who it is.

Sounds pretty serious.

- Max, do me a favor, will ya?

- What is it, Mr. H?

Check with some

of your buddies on the street.

Maybe one of them

will hear something

that's not being said

up in those executive suites.

Right, you've got a plane to catch.

We gotta get home and back.

No way, squirt.

You and me are staying home.

Ladies and gentlemen,

welcome to Honolulu,

where the local time is 1:45.

Please remain seated

with your seat belts fastened

until the captain has turned off

the "Fasten Seat Belt" sign.

Mr. and Mrs. Hart,

welcome aboard.

Our flying time to Mr. Raine's

island will be about 38 minutes.

If there's anything you need,

just let me know.

Honolulu Tower, this is 6589 Zulu.

Request clearance to Raine's Island,

vector south-southeast

on heading of 156.

We'll be landing here, on the

north face of the island.

There'll be a jeep waiting to take

you and your bags to the main house.

Hope you enjoyed your flight!

We did, thanks.

Jonathan, welcome.

I'm Alfred Raine.

- Jonathan Hart.

- Good.

- This is my wife, Jennifer.

- How are you?

- I'm so glad the two of you could make it.

- Oh, thank you very much.

You have a wonderful place here.

- Thanks for inviting us.

- No, no, no. The thanks is all mine.

Signing Jennifer Hart will be

a real feather in my cap.

I hope you understand

my intentions are serious.

Well, I hope you understand

that I'm seriously flattered.

Then we're off to a good start.

Now, someone will deliver

your bags to your room,

and meanwhile

this place is yours.

Please make yourselves

at home, will you?

All right.

We'll see you later. Fine.

Need anything, please call me.

It looks like Raine built his

own little paradise here.

Well, you know what they say,

"publish or perish."

I guess publish won out, huh?

I just kept staring

at the board.

Seemed that Spassky had made

a major blunder.

I mean, the move made no sense.

Put his queen in jeopardy

very early on in the game.

If you read my book,

you'd see how wrong I was.

I have the guest list here.

That must be...

Shelby Lyons who wrote

Surrender in Black and White.

- Heavy.

- I suppose this is your way

of trying to express some sort

of pack dominance?

- No, it's just...

- Because if you think that I am impressed

with your androgyne-based efforts

to maintain some sort of elite

power position, you are

sorely mistaken.

- I'm sorry.

- You're sorry?

As if that's all

that's required to eradicate

2000 years of male oppression

and domination.

Here's your book.

Who's that?

That's Nora Kingsley.

- Nora Kingsley?

- Sure, you know, she wrote that book,

Don't Like 'Em, Never Did.

Let me ask you a question.

Did you ever read that book?

Well, I scanned it.

One or two chapters.

Are you hungry?

I'm starved. I'm sure glad

we didn't have any breakfast.

- Me, too.

- Oh, this looks great.

Oh, please, you two are not really

going to eat those are you?

We were considering it, yes.

I mean, even the cracker,

bromated wheat.

Bromated?

Do you know how many

chemicals they use

to bromate wheat?

I never thought about that.

Probably because it's

too frightening to remember.

What about these?

Fish eggs. Watch as I shudder.

Dirty water, dirty fish.

I guess I'll just settle

for celery.

Sure, if you don't mind

the pesticides.

Who was that?

Reginald Sinders.

What did he write?

Are You Sure You

Aren't What You Eat?

- Are you sure?

- I'm not.

Ah, this can't be too bad.

Try this. There.

There. Delicious.

Uh...

- What is it?

- Watercress. What do you think?

It's not a cheeseburger.

For you, sir.

Cheeseburger.

Thanks.

Best burgers in the city.

You gotta know, I just don't

schlep out here for just anybody.

But I know how you get when

Mr. and Mrs. H leave town.

Keep it between us,

though, squirt,

or we'll both end up

on kibble and water.

Hey ya, squirt. Stop eating

and give me the phone.

Max here. Oh yeah, Duke. Look,

I need a little legwork.

Yeah, I'll fill you in

when I see you.

No way,

you're not getting fries.

- Wow!

- Where are you?

The part where Marjorie

goes into the house alone.

- Oh, I'm not there yet.

- Oh, it's great.

- She goes into the house...

- Oh, no, no. Please don't tell me.

- I'm sorry.

- I want to find out on my own.

- Did you get to the part when they both...

- Jonathan!

I'm sorry.

- How much do you know about this Stacey...

- Jonathan!

Sorry.

I only know that Stacey Rodgers

is one of Alfred Raine's

most successful fiction writers.

Well, I can certainly

understand why.

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