Haunted Honeymoon

Help!

It's not what you think.

Well, it's partly what you think,

but, er...

Oh, it's so complicated.

Oh, God, help me! Please!

You can't be the man I'm about to marry.

Don't tell me that my fianc is...

that my fianc is a...

Haunted Honeymoon, starring Larry Abbot,

will continue after this news update.

Stay tuned for the chilling conclusion of this

week's tale from Manhattan Mystery Theatre.

- Don't touch that dial. We'll be right back.

- You're off the air.

OK, boys.

You've got two minutes. Go.

Listen, pal, I'm not a boy and I don't want

to be referred to as one of the boys.

Hey, hey, hey! Guys, guys! Gal...

One at a time, huh?

- Are you two getting married Sunday?

- Only if it rains.

I got tickets for the World Series.

- When did he ask you?

- After strangling me in Curse of the Mummy.

- Say yes right away?

- Bet your sweet patoot.

- How do you spell "patoot"?

- Any way you like.

You've been in lots of shows that went bust.

How's it feel to own a hit?

I don't own her, I'm just marrying her.

No, I mean the radio show.

Sure, I'm on top of the world 'cause I got

the number one show. That's just luck.

I'm head-over-heels in love

with the best girl in the world.

That's not luck, that's God smiling on me.

When Vickie said yes to me...

From the minute Vickie said yes...

He bought a double mattress and a new stove.

- How's her cooking? Have you tasted it yet?

- Sure, but we're getting married anyway.

- Vickie, how'd he ask you?

- Give us a break.

Your fans love this stuff.

Come on, Vickie. Was he romantic?

It was like in the movies.

Honest to God.

We're walking along in the moonlight.

He gets down on one knee,

looks at me and says...

It's almost airtime, gentlemen.

OK, boys, that's it.

We're giving you

a page of coverage here.

Give 'em a break, will ya?

Can we have a level first violin, please?

- Well, Larry's certainly in good form today.

- The show isn't over.

- You can see he's fine today, Charlie.

- The show isn't over yet.

Eddy, are you there? I don't see you.

Could we hear

a little bit of the storm, please?

That's fine, Eddy.

Ten seconds, everyone.

- Say, Eddy...

- Huh?

- Is my tie straight?

- What?

- My tie, is it straight?

- Your tie's fine.

- No, but is it straight?

- Yeah, your tie is straight.

- Say "I swear to God your tie is straight".

- I swear to God.

- Thanks, Eddy.

- Sh!

Ralston Purina Checkerboard Square,

makers of Purina Dog Chow, presents

Manhattan Mystery Theatre.

Hello again. Still there?

This is your host speaking.

And now, friends, brace yourselves

for the chilling conclusion...

to tonight's tale of horror, entitled...

Haunted Honeymoon.

Lady Wolfington

is speaking on the telephone...

to Inspector Carp of Scotland Yard.

Inspector, I'm terrified.

I tell you, it's gone beyond all reason.

Lady Wolfington, there's only one way to tell

if a man has werewolf in his blood.

He'll give himself away

by stammering ever so slightly...

on all words beginning with "w".

"W"?

If you suspect your fianc, put him to the test.

I'll get there as soon as I can.

Oh, Freddy, you startled me.

Startled?

- By me?

- Yes, I'm sorry, I...

All words beginning with "w".

All words beginning with "w".

Darling, what a lovely sweater.

Is that cotton or wool?

This? Oh, it's woo... wool.

- What?

- Um...

I say, uh... I don't know.

Must be some sort of a cotton.

Oh, I think another storm's brewing.

Seems so. Doesn't it?

- Listen to that wind.

- Ooh-hoo!

Oh! It's frightening, isn't it?

- Why's he laughing?

- I don't know.

- Is that how you rehearsed it?

- No, but that's Larry.

- Darling, I'm going to have a sherry.

- Oh!

- Would you or wouldn't you like some?

- Oh, I wou... I wou...

Um... yes, I'll have some.

- Here's your drink, darling.

- Thanks. Cheers.

- To Wolfington Castle.

- To Woo... Woo...

To Woo-woo-woo...

To Woo-woo-woo-woo...

Woo-woo-woo...

To Woo-woo-woo...

Woo-woo... To Woo-woo-woo...

To Woo-woo-woo-woo... Wolfington Castle.

- He's out. He's fired.

- No!

- Who the hell are you?

- I'm Dr Paul Abbot.

Oh, Doctor, thank God you're here.

Please come in.

This is our sponsor, Mr Tarlow.

Charlie, this is Larry's uncle,

the famous psychiatrist.

- I asked him to come meet you.

- What's he laughing at?

- This is a mystery, not a comedy.

- He's laughing because he's afraid.

- Afraid?

- Tomorrow it might make him cry.

That's what he did last week.

What's he afraid of?

Thunder and lightning? A wind machine?

We have that stuff every week.

Why now? We were number one!

Because three weeks ago

he got engaged to be married.

- The Curse of The Mummy.

- What's that got to do with it?

The engagement has opened

a crack in his psyche,

so hideous to Larry's mind

that he must lock it out.

- But I do know that I can cure him.

- How?

By scaring him...

to death.

- You want to scare him even more?

- How do you cure hiccups, Mr Tarlow?

- Well, you...

- Listen...

I've been working in Zurich

with a brilliant scientist...

who has discovered

the cure for Larry's condition.

Dr Strickland has proved the cure is to increase

the pressure of the fears, not lessen it.

- Like going faster around a dangerous curve?

- Exactly.

This weekend, starting tonight,

the entire Abbot family...

is gathering for the wedding

at the estate of Larry's great-aunt.

We have him in an ideal situation,

a lonely estate, miles from anywhere.

- Have you told Vickie?

- No, not Vickie, that'd be too risky.

I'm afraid she couldn't be objective.

Are you promising you can cure Larry?

I, Paul Abbot, promise that

I can cure Larry within 36 hours.

- Just by scaring him?

- By scaring him to death.

I don't know. I can be feeling swell, then

something sets it off and I'm scared to death.

So you acted nutty

for a few shows, so what?

You're the best actor in New York,

with the hottest show, and you still got me.

So, listen, cookie, if something scares you

before Sunday, just say,

"Whoops, there goes my imagination again.

How do you like that?"

You think that'll work?

Always in all ways rely upon me...

Whoops, there goes my imagination again.

How do you like that?

That's my guy. Did you hear what the bug

said to the windshield?

- What?

- That's me all over.

Sweet.

Don't you get it? If a bug splattered...

- Honey, is my tie straight?

- What?

- Is my tie straight?

- Your tie's fine.

- Yeah, but is it straight?

- Yeah, it's straight.

Oh, good.

Someone in this family is trying to kill me.

What? You don't know what you're saying.

Larry's the only one I trust.

Please give me the pen. I haven't much time.

- They'll all be here any moment.

- I love you, Kate.

I respect you as if you were my own mother.

Oh...

You're the dearest person I know.

I'd even die for you, Kate.

But darling, never mind

that I'm a member of the family,

before you sign,

there's one thing you haven't considered.

- What's that?

- What if Larry dies before you do?

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