Hayride Page #2

Dumb, where the hell have you been?!

You were supposed to be holding

Sam's ladder!

-Oh. -Oh, that's the girls.

That's the Captain Morgan girls.

Here. Look at that.

That one's beautiful. That one's dumb.

They're both pretty, and they're

both a little dumb, you know,

but, I mean, one's slower than the other, and...

Look, I didn't name them, alright?

Yes, you did.

Uh, you'll know

everybody else, though, the whole gang,

except for the high schoolers.

They'll be out tomorrow to help out.

So, what you got going on over at the barn?

Oh, you know, just something

a little new this year.

I mean, is it part of the ride?

Well, yeah, maybe. Maybe.

Maybe. Mm-hmm.

Well, come on.

Let it out.

Oh, all right.

Uh... all right.

I-I shouldn't say anything, but

we're gonna get the riders off

the ride this year and let them

walk through there.

So, like a haunted house?

A little bit.

Well ... can we see it? -Ah...

You can let me see it.

Yeah, well, I ...

You want to see it?

Yeah, let's go. - Oh, well, then, yes.

I couldn't say no to her.

I love you,too, uncle.

Yeah. I love you, too, man.

My uncle. That's great. So, uh...

We'll just drive on up to the barn, then.

Okay. Alright.

She's coming with me?

No, I think I'm gonna ... - What?

I think I'm gonna keep this one. - Get off me.

I'm gonna keep this one.

Oh, okay. All right.

Good to see you.

All right.

You're not gonna keep her.

You're way over your head.

See you up there.

Hey, Chuck. - Oh, sh*t. - You are on the clock?

Yeah. Coming back.

Where the hell are you?

About to, uh, run these

lights out here at the old

hay barn for Captain Morgan.

What you got going on?

All right, man. Hurry up.

10-4 on that.

Oh, yeah. I can hear Morgan now. Yeah, just, uh,

you know, throw some blood up right here, you know?

I can guarantee you that's what he was saying.

You weren't kidding.

They go all out.

Yeah, you know, Corey got lost in here once.

Seriously?

Yeah. It was pretty pitiful.

How long did it take him to get out?

Um, until the high wore off.

Quit screwing around, all right?

Ladies and gentlemen, the

stylings of Corey.

Hey, not too much.

You might encourage him.

Thanks, pops.

No problem.

Hey, come on.

Let's get together here.

Come on, here.

All right.

I just want to thank everyone

for really working your ass off

For the hot Hayride this year, all right?

We couldn't have done it without

you, and you know that, right? -Aww.

Hayride gets better and

better every year, but it

gets harder and harder, and I know I don't

pay you guys much.

So really, we couldn't do it without you.

Believe me. Thank you.

Thanks for having us.

This is the best part of my year.

Best part of your year?

Really?

Absolutely.

That just shouldn't to be true, should it?

I mean, thank you, beautiful.

Anyway, thanks for stepping it up today.

We got a lot of done.

If it rains tomorrow,

we're gonna have a lot more to do.

The news said 10% chance.

We'll be all right.

Hell yeah, we'll be all right.

So... oh!

I'm gonna need, uh, someone to

drive the truck, you know,

'cause Jeff hasn't checked in

yet again this year, right?

He'll show up

about November... when he comes to.

Yeah, probably.

Oh, that means, uh, I need

another zombie.

Anybody want to be a zombie?

Anybody? - I'll do it.

You just have me running audio. - All right.

There you go. It's yours.

Steven, you want to roll? - Nah.

Come on. Why not?

I think I'll just be a rider this year.

A rider, huh?

Okay. All right.

You don't... Look, I got to warn you.

Things have changed since you've been here.

So, uh, who you got playing pitchfork this year?

Oh, are you a rider or a worker?

Rider.

Oh, you're a rider.

Yeah, so I better not tell you,

'cause it might spoil the fun,

don't you think?

I've got you, baby.

Don't worry.

Did he tell you about, uh ...

Pitchfork?

A little bit.

Um, he mentioned a

raw-head bloody guy.

Oh. He did, huh?

Yeah, we had to retire old

old bloody bones after grandpa died.

It didn't seem right carrying on

without him, right?

We miss him.

But, uh... rumor has it

old pitchfork ... he's still

alive and kicking.

Who came up with pitchfork, anyway?

Nobody came up. He's real.

What are you talking about?

Come on.

I'm serious.

We didn't make him up.

we may have added to the story

here and there, but... it's the truth.

His real name is, uh,

r.W. Rayborn.

He was a farmer... lived about

a mile away from here.

Well, who wants to hear the story?

Story!

Tell it!

Oh, alright.

Go ahead and tell them the story, pops.

I'll tell it.

Oh sorry. You can't stay here for the story.

You need to go pry Jason off his

girlfriend and get some more beers.

I don't know where he is.

-You don't? - No.

Well, why don't you, uh... find him?

It's dark out there.

It's Halloween. I don't want to go in there by myself.

Oh, that's right.

It's Halloween eve.

It's not Halloween.

You want to die in there with me,

or you want to die while

you're looking for my dead body?

Uh... why don't you just go get the beer, all right?

And if you can't find him, just buy it.

I mean, there's a change.

I'll come with you.

Thanks, beautiful.

I'll avenge your death, bro.

Thanks, man.

But only if you're killed by

a short guy.

Otherwise, no.

All right.

Uh, where was I?

You were just about to get started on

the pitchfork myth.

Pitchfork legend.

Same thing.

No, hell no, it isn't... not

in my book.

You know, sometimes, something can happen. And it's so traumatic that...

It becomes a legend.

Especially in a small town like

this, you know?

People talk, people add to

the story, they glorify

the details ... whatever.

But it's based on truth,

and in our case, the legend is...

... ugly. - Good opening. - Shut up.

Like I said, r.W. Rayborn was a farmer.

had a farm, uh, just

right off the property line in the back there.

You know, uh, it looks run-down

now, but back in the day, it was

pretty set.

About the last farmer that

existed around here.

And when Rayborn would come

into town for supplies, he'd

sometimes bring his daughter.

Yeah, the banks had this grand plan to make all this area into a subdivision.

You know, there'd be houses all over here, you know?

They even tried to extend the highway

right through here.

Yeah, they pushed my dad's land

back 100 yards to make way

for that four-Lane.

Yeah. They tried to do that with us a few times.

but, uh... back on the subject, Rayborn's daughter...

I mean, when she was a kid,

she was a beautiful little girl, but

she did what every beautiful little girl does.

They grow up to be beautiful young ladies.

Now, some say when he would

take his daughter on occasion,

everyone in town would have their eye on her.

They say he carried a pitchfork

Because of her.

And the joke was that if you'd

messed with Rayborn's daughter ...

You messed with the pitchfork.

The accounts of this part of the story vary from person to person.

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