Head of State

One, two, three...

Hold up.

Here's the story about a man

A simple man

A man with a dream

To do the world some good

Here's a story for rich and poor

For young and for old

About a man from the 'hood

Trying to do the world some good

Here's the story about a man

An everyday man

A man with a dream

To be the head of state

Alderman Gilliam's office.

What are you upset about?

It's not a black-owned business?

- But it's a Chinese food restaurant.

- So, what's with the fried rice?

I know it's fried rice, but it's not "fried" rice.

Alderman Gilliam's office.

Kim. How is it going, honey?

- Got tickets to the symphony.

- Really?

- Hold on a second, I got another call.

- You better not put me on hold.

Vote for Gaines and James.

- The Million Babies Mamas March?

- It's a very good cause.

Call Reverend Barton for that one. No...

you can't use food stamps to buy tires.

I'm sorry, Mr. Hawkins.

What can I do for you?

Your girlfriend is on hold.

- Hold on a second.

- How could you put me on hold?

- What was it, Mr. Hawkins?

- The bus.

I read that they're going to shut down

our bus line.

If they do that, I can't get to work!

Unless they give me a job

in that new mall they're building.

Don't worry. I've been talking

to the people downtown...

and I promise you this:

If they shut down this bus line,

I will drive you to work myself.

You got my word.

Alderman Gilliam, quick! Miss Pearl is back!

Okay. I got to go.

Hi, that's me, Mays Gilliam, alderman

of the 9th Ward of Washington, D.C.

Not the part of D.C. you're familiar with.

I work in a neighborhood so bad,

you can get shot while you're getting shot.

Around here when people have a problem,

they don't call the mayor, they call me.

Miss Pearl!

What's going on?

Dionne is in the house. I know she is.

I don't know what she's talking about.

We checked the house, nobody is in there.

Hey, man, Dionne is her cat.

Whatever. Cats got nine lives. She'll be fine.

Can we let one guy go in

and help this lady get her cat?

Can't do it. Once they laid the explosives,

there's nothing I can do.

She just showed up.

You took the lady's house.

Can you at least let her get her cat?

We didn't take it, we gave her $40,000.

What kind of house is she supposed to get

with $40,000? A crack house?

I think she'd be happy to get out

of this rattrap.

Who are you to call this place a rattrap?

This is my neighborhood, where I'm from.

I got my first bike stolen right there.

My daddy got his bike stolen right there.

When I have a son, I hope he's fortunate

enough to get stuck up right there.

- Can't you let somebody go check?

- We already looked.

There's nothing in there. We got work to do.

Leave the people alone, damn it!

- Let's get this thing going.

- Come on.

- Stop being in such a hurry.

- We've been here all morning.

Let the lady go inside.

Come on, baby! Sugar baby.

Could you at least turn it off?

Let the lady get her cat.

Dionne, baby? I got something for you!

Miss Pearl, no!

All right, turn it off.

Wait till this woman gets her cat.

Sh*t, it's not working!

Turn it off!

She better get out, it's going to blow!

Miss Pearl! Come out!

No, Mays!

You've only got a minute!

- Fix it! Get to work.

- I'm trying.

Get a union man on this.

Get your ass out!

Miss Pearl, we got to get out of here.

They're going to blow this place up.

They wouldn't do that, baby!

They know we're in here.

I love you, I've known you a long time.

You've seen a lot in your life.

You've seen churches burnt to the ground,

dogs sicced on kids...

you've seen Malcolm X and JFK killed.

They shut up Muhammad Ali

and Richard Pryor.

They gave Magic Johnson AIDS,

turned Michael Jackson white.

Do you really think these people

give a damn about you?

We interrupt the Jay-Z song

to bring you this special bulletin.

Presidential candidate Senator Gaines...

and his running mate,

General Olson James...

were both killed when their planes

crashed into each other.

We now return you to the Jay-Z song

already in progress.

What's up?

Trying to be like you, hero!

What's up, man? Saving kittens?

Don't steal my car now.

I don't want that garbage.

What will I do, feed your car to my car?

Let me get ten Nine Lives,

four Lucky Ducks, two Straight Pokers...

three Crabpots and five Powerballs.

Thank you, here you go.

You all need to stop.

Why are all these people clapping?

- You didn't see me on the news?

- No, I didn't.

I got meat!

More beef than East Coast, West Coast rap.

Check it out!

Superman! Saving lives and stuff.

Why don't you cop

one of these pork chops?

Know what you need to do?

You need to leave. I won't tell you again.

Nobody wants your meat.

Who the hell wants to buy stolen meat?

- I'll take a T-bone.

- You like gizzards, too?

Did you hear about that guy

running for President?

Who will replace him?

Maybe they should get Shaq.

Nobody can beat him.

Are you getting gas?

You're holding my line up.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

$10 on three.

You've got a lot of nerve hanging up on me.

Hanging up?

- What's going on?

- I'm leaving you! That's what's going on.

The only reason I accepted this engagement

ring from you in the first place...

is because I thought you had potential!

I thought you wanted more!

Why can't you just play the game?

Wear a suit!

Be a real politician!

What's my clothes have to do with...

Are you seeing somebody else?

I'm seeing everybody else!

I've met mosquitoes

with more force than you.

I'm tired of your little games,

tired of being your little secretary.

Here's the light bill. I didn't pay it.

Here's the cable bill. I didn't pay that, either.

And here's the bill for your car note.

I hope they take it!

Wait a minute, that's my car!

Wait, come back!

I hate that piece of sh*t!

I'm tired of spending my time

waiting for you to quit acting like a child...

and act like a grown man

for a change, Mays!

I need to get on with my life!

I want a house, I want children!

I want to go on vacation!

You're horrible in bed!

I am tired of being engaged.

I am tired of being-

I wish you would.

For the last time,

I'm not running for President.

I'm not crazy! Gaines was 20 points behind.

It's ten weeks to Election Day.

Damn it!

They should have known better

than to talk on a cell phone in a plane.

- What about Sanderson?

- That's a joke.

Lewis has been Vice-President

for eight years.

He's a war hero and Sharon Stone's cousin.

He can't lose.

- What about Mosley?

- Girls.

- Connelly?

- Boys.

- McMasters?

- Big boys.

So we concede the election to Lewis?

Nobody is talking about conceding,

Debra, but let's get real here.

We'll lose this one.

The thing to do is to set the party up

for the next election.

We need a candidate

that will put on a good show.

This isn't a circus,

it's a presidential election.

You can't just pick some guy...

to run for President.

It's unprecedented,

but if I put in a call to the party chairman...

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