Head of State Page #2

we find a candidate, he'll back him.

Who will run a race

they know they can't win?

Who says he has to know?

What the...

What now?

No, not my bike!

When I went in there

I wasn't thinking about being a hero.

I was just trying to help Miss Pearl.

Miss Pearl.

I think we found our man.

Look at this! This is great!

This is America, see?

Little guy against the big guy,

corporations against the people.

Young versus old. What's better than this?

Give me a break!

I am going to run an alderman

for President?

He's not an alderman.

He's a hero.

- Who doesn't like a hero?

- Big business loves a hero!

See?

You said we needed somebody

who can help the party.

Now, how in the hell

does this guy help the party?

I'm glad you asked.

The United States is changing.

America is changing.

Inside of 20 years, you know the numbers...

20 percent black,

21 percent Asian, 39 percent Hispanic.

The minorities will be the majority.

The smartest thing we can do...

is be the first party

to nominate a minority for President.

- How about a cripple?

- I don't think so, Charlie.

Now, we'll lose, of course,

but the minorities will be happy.

The minorities will be happy

and they will vote for us in 2008...

because we've shown we support them.

And the white people will vote for us...

- because our guy isn't black.

- You got my vote!

Geller, see if you can track down

this Mays Gilliam.

Go check our accounts.

Give me one good reason

why I should go along with this.

Don't you get it, Debra?

I intend to run for President in 2008.

Now give me one reason why you shouldn't.

He would take a lot of work.

We can run a background check...

but it's obvious

he's not a party line candidate.

He's just some kid

who thinks he can make a difference.

Don't worry. Go out there,

put the machine behind him.

You get 25 points in the polls,

consider it a win.

Make sure he doesn't embarrass us.

After this is over, we get to work.

When I'm President, I'll take care of you.

Help me. They locked me out of my office.

I know. The mayor is fed up with you.

How many times have I told you?

You got to quit trying to fix sh*t.

I could've got you into the council

next term. Now you're red-lined.

Shannon is taking over your district.

They need to smooth over the mall

situation, that bus thing is heating up.

- They don't trust you.

- I'm not the one stealing people's houses.

That's what your problem is.

You got to work with us.

That sh*t you pulled over there

cost the city money.

Makes the mayor look bad.

Now, contrary to popular belief,

politics is no place to express yourself.

You want to get in, you got to fit in.

And look at you.

Grow up, you got to dress better.

Even Puff Daddy wears a suit to court.

I'm sorry, brother, but ain't nothing I can do.

- Nice car.

- Ain't it, though?

Got it for a song at a repo auction.

He feels bad, mighty low

Got nowhere to go

What can you do when you're feeling low

Man, I want to know

He feels bad, mighty low

Got nowhere to go

What can you do when you're feeling low

And your car just got repo'd

Here we are.

Mays Gilliam, Debra Lassiter.

Nice to meet you. Take a seat.

We know what happened today.

We know you lost your job.

How do you know that? It just happened.

We're the government. We know everything.

We'd like you to do something for us.

Sure, I'd love to work

on a presidential campaign.

I'll make phone calls, send out fliers.

Who have you guys chosen

to run against Lewis?

That's exactly what we wanted

to talk to you about.

We'd like you to run for President.

- Of what?

- The United States.

- Of what?

- Of America.

Which America?

North...

America, Mays.

Get out of here!

We're not joking.

We want you to be the nominee

for the office of President...

of the United States of America.

Let me get this straight.

You guys couldn't find anybody else to run?

You couldn't find nobody?

Something is wrong here.

You couldn't find a congressman...

a senator? I'm just an alderman.

Congressmen, senators,

they work with other politicians.

You're an alderman.

You work with the people.

And that's what we want,

a man of the people.

This is a big joke, right?

They've got a hidden camera somewhere.

You all will get a big laugh out of this.

You know what? I don't care.

One of you all will drive me home

because my bike is messed up.

You an American?

- Are you an American?

- Yes.

This isn't just an election. It's a moment.

This is the moment when you have

the opportunity to show boys and girls...

men and women, what America is about.

Look at that.

When I see that, I think of our forefathers

fighting to make this country what it is.

When I see it I think about the guy who has

to scrub Lincoln's balls for minimum wage.

That's why we want you.

You care about the little people.

What will it be?

It gives me great honor...

to accept the party's nomination...

for President...

of the United States of America.

No!

Welcome to your campaign headquarters.

These folks will do everything they can

to help you get elected.

These are your people.

Here. Let's take a look at this.

Mark, is that cued up? Roll it, please.

This is a great spot.

If you love America,

vote Mays Gilliam for President.

But I'm not in it.

You don't even see my face.

It's a template.

We'll get you in there eventually.

There's a couple of people

I want you to meet.

This is your security director, Mr. Earl.

- You'll be in good hands.

- Pleased to meet you, sir.

If you're in trouble, yell "Security!"

and my people will handle the situation.

This is your decoy, Mays Junior.

He enters events before you.

If anything'll happen to you,

it'll happen to him first.

Tupac could have used a guy like you.

This is Nicollette White, she's

your executive director of internal Liaisons.

Call me Nikki.

It will be a pleasure to serve you.

I'm available to you around the clock,

just let me know.

- What does she do?

- She sleeps with you.

We got tired of getting caught up

in sex scandals...

so we commissioned

our own team of super whores.

You call yourself whores!

Move that fat ass! One, two, three!

- These girls are good.

- Good morning, Mays.

I took the liberty of choosing some options

for this evening's fundraiser.

You don't mind, do you?

I'll wear whatever you need me to wear.

What fundraiser is this?

Your coming out party.

Campaigns cost money.

The people you meet tonight

have plenty of it.

Geller and I will advance the party...

and Mr. Earl will bring you at 8:00 sharp.

Here are your off-the-cuff remarks.

Learn them. See you later.

Remember, sir, just nod and move.

Nod and move.

What do you plan to do about taxes?

Do you plan to support

paternal leave incentives?

Get my demo to somebody. Anybody.

Don't take unscreened packages.

Security reasons.

You have some people to talk to.

Tomorrow, work.

Tonight, smile, shake hands,

and be nice to the wives.

I'll double-check the PA system.

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