Head Office

Home Box Office, Inc. [cars honking] [train whistle blowing] Hi, my name is Pete Helmes. 30 years ago,

I started a small company called INC Bearing and Tool. And with these balls of steel,

I built INC International. Now we produce

over 10,000 products from a 50 megaton

nuclear warhead to a creamier, nuttier

peanut butter and a new quieter

artificial heart. Every day at INC,

we're developing products that will improve your life like Permalax,

an all-new laxative implant that relieves irregularity

for up to 25 years with a one-step implantation. Eh, I had the Permalax implant. Now I'm regular for life. [chuckles] But more important, we care about you. And we care

about our employees. INC is the company

that cares about people. Mr. Helmes wants

Senator Issel's full cooperation when we make

our Latin American move. What'd you get on him? Yes, sir. He's Washington's strongest

supporter of big business. That's his voting record. We contributed $150,000

to his last campaign and laundered it

through our Mexican banks. These are

the cancelled checks. His wife's a heavy boozer. Those are copies

of her liquor store bills. He's having an affair with a

D.C. hooker named Kitten Davis. Those are the Polaroids. He's been bribed

by all the major oil companies. These are

the telephone transcripts and, of course,

the standard men's room shots. Fine. And his son's graduation

is this month. Perfect. [tense synthesizer music] You're leaders.

You're businessmen. You're America's future. They say a Master's Degree

in Business from this school is the golden ticket

to the top positions of industry and finance. But this school can only

provide her graduates with the tools. It's up to you

as individuals to put those tools to work. [whispering]

Where in hell is

the goddamn son of a b*tch? (man)

I-I don't know

about this, Dr. Kline. Maybe you shouldn't be

taking that off. I've got a terrible feeling

this is very wrong. My graduation ceremony

starts any second. (Kline)

Don't worry, Jack,

you'll make it. Are you sure this is

okay in your lab? It's a normal,

organic function. I don't know. I mean, it's all the way

across campus. For 72 years, our graduates-- I'm a damned U.S. senator. I've got a damned election

coming up. I've got a damned

reputation to protect. And I'm not going to allow

your damned son to embarrass me like this and tarnish

my damned image. [howling]

(Kline)

Oh, Jack, stay with me. I swear I'll murder him

for this. And the honor roll

of America's industrial history reads much like the honor roll

of this school. Names like Rockefeller-- (Kline)

Jack! Ford-- Jack! Morgan-- [softly]

Jack. Vanderbilt and Mellon-- Stay with me, Jack! And it's up to you,

the class of '85, to carry the torch

of that great tradition into America's

industrial future. [howling]

Oh, Jack, oh! [applause] Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, thank you. Thank you, thank you. McDermott, Iona. Martinez, Juan Jorge. I didn't expect this. Neither did I. Low pulse rate, vascular

circulation at a minimum. I just didn't think

it'd be like this when I lost my virginity. This is your first time? I forgot to mention that. Senator. How are you? Uh, Bob Nixon. Senator Issel. [whispering]

Senator. Senator Issel was appointed

Washington's Chairman of the Senate Committee

on Latin American Affairs. What brings INC out here

on a workday, Scott? Recruiting.

Oh. Hudson, John Matthew. I like this

John Hudson kid. Second in class,

good family. How about your boy? Taking any offers? [laughs]

Well, let's just say

Jack's reviewing his options. He knows what's important. He'll land on his feet. So, Jack, what are

you graduating in? Business. Oh, that's nice. So I guess you'll be getting

into business, then. [sighs] Yeah. You know, Jack just might

fit into INC's program. What do you think? Well, I-I think he'd-- Be a terrific asset

to the company. Congratulations. [lively synthesizer music] Whittenborn, Eric Paul, III. Butterworth, Hugh Davidson. Bennett, Michael. Issel, Jack Davidson, Jr. Thank you. [helicopter engine noise] Colonel,

that construction. That's us. That, that. I own all that. There. Those two towers there. This one over here,

this one. 20 years ago,

I came to this town. I had less than $43 million

in my pocket. Now--I own all this. That's America, Colonel. [alarm clock buzzing] [man on radio]

QLN Chicago, it's 7:30 AM. And it's already

82 degrees out there. Ouch!

Get me a cocktail. (Jack)

Jack Issel, Jr., 24-year-old son

of Senator Jack Issel was found in bed

this morning--dead. Police believe the suicide

was the result of Jack Jr.'s fear of getting up

early and going to work for the next 40 years

of his life. (man)

Late at night, I can't wait

to close my eyes. Because there's a chance

you might come into my life. If it's only for a moment, I just can't bear

the thought of you not there. You're in my dreams. Surreal, surreal. You're in my dreams. Surreal, surreal. I can almost feel you

in my dreams. [beeping] [woman #1 on voicemail]

Jack, this is your mother. Good luck on your first day. Bye, sweetheart. [beeping] (woman #2)

Jack, it's Monica. Do you remember the dress,

you know, that dress? I mean, it's, like, forget it.

It's totaled. [beeping] (man)

Jack, hi, this is

Max Landsberger. I'm in charge

of new recruits at INC. I'll be showing you around

for the first few days. Now, you'll be starting

with Frank Stedman on the 41st floor. I'll meet you

in his office at 9:00. Oh, and congratulations, Jack. You really scored

getting Stedman. slap! He's going right to the top. (Frank)

Sid, it's Frank Stedman. I'm dead! Finished! (Sid)

Just relax. Helmes swore

he wouldn't announce this move until Christmas! It's the goddamn headline

in The Journal! (Sid)

No problem. The SCC's going to want to know why I sold 50,000

Allenville shares the day before we torpedoed

the plant! Frank, can you hold on-- I could go to jail! Can you hold? No, I can't hold! What are you--ha--Sid, Sid! Crap!

Will you get this thing moving? [cars honking] We're stuck

in a traffic jam, sir. I'm not the great Houdini. Well, blow your horn

like everybody else! Only a fool blows his horn

in a traffic jam, sir. [grunting and horn honking] [cars honking] Please, please, please pick up. Come on.

Come on. God, please, Sid, Sid! (Sid)

Frank? Thank God! No, I can't hold, Sid! Wait!

Hello! Sid--crap! I've got to get out. (man)

Hey, hey! (woman)

Get off. [grunts] (Scott)

Hi, Sid, Scott Dantley. Sid, the SCC's really

got us by the balls in the Stedman stock deal. Mr. Helmes wants him

terminated. Uh-huh, wants his desk out,

his chair out, carpet out, parking privileges revoked. Hold on, Sid. [whispers]

Turn it up. Can the stock market

survive a nuclear holocaust? "Yes," says our next guest. And he'll tell us what stocks

to buy and what to sell in the event

of a thermonuclear exchange right after these messages. Listen, Sid, Mr. Helmes

is the company. He doesn't give a flying sh*t

Rate this script:4.0 / 1 vote