Heavy Metal Page #8

(gasp) Where am I?

ROBOT:

(staring)

Hey, who's the chick?

GLORIA:

Well look at my clothes!

Who's gonna pay for the dry

cleaning? And where am I?

I demand that you return me

to my office immediately.

ROBOT:

Too late - molecular instability

zone around spacecraft. You cannot

leave.

GLORIA:

(to Zeke)

What?! Is he kidding?

ZEKE:

Uh ...

He looks at the ROBOT, who winks at him.

ZEKE:

... oh yeah. Instability zone.

You're stuck here.

ZEKE and EDSEL try to keep straight faces.

GLORIA:

(stunned)

But I have to be at my parents

for dinner tonight. And my

gynecologist appointment is on

Wednesday.

ROBOT:

Not anymore. Would you, ah, like

a drink?

(leading her away)

You'll feel better after a glass of

fresh blo-aak.

They disappear down a corridor.

GLORIA:

(V.O.)

Do you have any diet soda?

CUT TO:

CONTROL CONSOLE:

EDSEL:

(to Zeke)

Ah, typical robot. The first

Earth-chick we see in ten years,

and he's gotta make a play for her.

EDSEL jams the gearshift into 'D' for Drive, and the ship

lifts away from Earth.

ZEKE:

Hey, do we have any of that

Plutonian Nyborg left?

EDSEL:

Uh, yeah. Just one bag. Uh, it's

in the transmitter compartment.

ZEKE:

Uh, thanks man.

ZEKE opens a hatch and pulls out a double-spouted plastic

bag on wheels the size of a steamer-trunk. It is full of

white powder.

He pours two fifteen-foot lines of powder onto the floor.

Then, he pauses.

ZEKE:

(surveying the lines)

Oh great. Think this is enough?

EDSEL:

(thinking)

Uhh ... nah. Go for broke.

ZEKE:

Good thinking, man.

As he resumes pouring, ZEKE begins singing to himself in an

alien tongue. When the lines are poured, they both stand at

the start of the trail of white powder, and part their hair

to reveal nostrils hidden in their foreheads.

ZEKE & EDSEL

Nose dive!

They both start to criss-cross the room, inhaling the white

powder like vaccuum cleaners. As they happily snort the

Nyborg, the camera pans back to the glass receiving jar, and

moves down through the broken pieces of DOCTOR ANRAK. Reaching

his lifeless face, the camera moves around to the back of the

head. Through the shattered metal we can see a green ball,

glowing inside ANRAK'S skullpiece.

DISSOLVE TO:

SPACE - ZEKE AND EDSEL'S P.O.V.

As the round spaceship moves through space, a group of

asteroids approach and whip past. Up ahead, a red sun

turns white and goes super-nova.

EDSEL:

(V.O.)

Oh, wow ... good Nyborg!

CUT TO:

INSIDE THE SPACECRAFT - ROBOT'S BEDROOM

GLORIA PEARLMAN and the ROBOT are lying in bed, naked.

They have just finished making love. She is smoking a cigarette.

GLORIA:

(glazed)

That was incredible. I've never felt

anything like it.

ROBOT:

Oh great. I have been programmed to

be fully proficient in sexual activities.

Do you want to go steady?

GLORIA:

Gee, I don't know. I already have

a boyfriend.

ROBOT:

Ah, what he does not know will not

hurt him.

CUT TO:

CONTROL CONSOLE:

ZEKE and EDSEL are sitting at the controls, staring wide-eyed

out into space. They are obviously stoned. Suddenly a bell

rings and the communicator screen lights up. A serious officer's

face appears on it.

OFFICER ON SCREEN

Mothership calling starcruiser Alpha ...

Mothership calling starcruiser Alpha ...

ZEKE looks over at the screen and then shouts into it.

ZEKE:

Whaddyawant, man?

OFFICER ON SCREEN

Mothership calling Starcruiser Alpha ...

EDSEL:

(to Zeke)

You gotta use the microphone.

ZEKE:

Oh yeah.

(shouts into microphone)

Whaddyawant man?

OFFICER:

Now listen, idiot. Do I have to

tell you eight hundred times? You

don't call me "man"! You call me

"Com-Op Officer Blix". Now is that

perfectly clear?

ZEKE:

(into mike)

Yeah, sure. Whaddyawant, man?

OFFICER:

(disgruntled)

You are to return immediately to

the Mother Ship and pick up a

humanoid civilian. Your orders

are to escort him to the Interplanetary

Tribunal Courtroom so that he can testify

at the trial of Lincoln Sternn. And make

it snappy!

The screen goes blank.

EDSEL:

Wow! They finally got Sternn.

ZEKE:

It's about time. Hang on, man.

Here we go.

ZEKE jams the gearshift into hyper-drive.

CUT TO:

SPACE:

The round spaceship blasts forward at ten times the speed

of light.

DISSOLVE TO:

SPACE - LATER

ZEKE and EDSEL'S round spacecraft looks like an apple

heading toward a freight train as it approaches the

enormous mother-ship.

CUT TO:

INSIDE SPACECRAFT - CONTROL CONSOLE

An ashtray full of roaches sits on the console. ZEKE is

at the controls with a joint in his mouth. He is swaying

back and forth, eyes glazed. Beside him, EDSEL watches

the mothership getting closer.

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