Heebie Jeebies

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[CAR ENGINE RUNNING]

[ENGINE STOPS]

[CAR DOORS CLOSE]

- You got to be kidding me.

- Oh, man!

This wasn't here last night!

- Yeah, Dave's been

sealing off his property

ever since they started

blasting the mine.

The rumor I heard

down at the hardware store

is that he found

a new vein of gold.

- Really?

- First time in 150 years.

- Whoa!

- You got any bolt cutters?

- I got a socket set.

- Go gather the rest

of the tools.

Turn those lights off.

- Well, hey, deke,

that sign says no trespassing.

- I can read.

Let's go.

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

- This used to be

the biggest gold mine

in the south at one time.

Billy wouldn't be

blasting again

if he didn't think

there was somethin' in there.

Let's go.

Come on!

Okay, show me

where that hole is

you were talking about.

- Yeah, follow me.

- All that blasting

they're doing

on the other side

of the mountain

must have loosened

things up some.

Okay, Louisiana Jones,

start digging.

- What about you?

- I'm the brains,

you're the brawn.

Hurry up.

- All right.

[TOOLS CLANGING]

Why the mask?

- It's an old mine.

It could have

deadly methane pockets.

- Methane pockets?

Aw, that's the story of my life.

Well, don't I get one?

- No, I only got one.

- What?

- Quit your belly-aching.

If you pass out,

I'll drag you to safety.

Come on.

- I'm coming!

It's easy for you to say.

[GRUNTS]

Smells like sulfur.

- It's Nitroglycerin,

from the dynamite blasting caps

them old 49'ers used to use.

Better watch yourself in here.

You start working

in this area.

I'm gonna go back here.

- All right.

- And hey.

- Huh?

- You're gonna need this.

- Oh, all right.

Wow.

This place must have collapsed.

[GRUNTING]

Just one more swipe'll do.

All right.

[GRUNTING]

Hey, deke!

Deke, come here.

I think I found something.

- What is it?

Did you find something?

Hey, you okay?

Snap out of it,

what's wrong with you, man?

Wake up!

Wake up!

What the hell?

[SCREAMING]

- Help! Ahh!

[WHIMPERING]

- Ahh!

[CREATURE HISSING, GROWLING]

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

[SCREAMING]

- [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

- Nothing better to do

than to harass senior citizens,

is that it?

[DOG WHIMPERING]

- If you weren't drinking,

Mrs. whitehead,

why is your speech slurred?

- My speech is slurred

because I have a face

full of novocain.

Look, see?

Gold fillings.

- Okay.

- Drinking!

Frankly, I am offended

by the insinuation.

- Well, I'm sorry

to offend you, Agnes,

but you were going 70

in a 25.

That is more than

twice the limit

permissible

in a school zone.

- I don't need a math lesson

from you, Todd crane.

I taught you how to add

in the second grade,

in case you have forgotten.

We're not surprised

he ended up a cop.

He always was a little

rat fink, wasn't he?

Always raising your hand to tell

on somebody for something,

thought you were

some kind of a boy scout--

[SLOW MOTION SPEECH]

Boy scout.

Really, just a tattle tale,

tattle tale.

[VOICES ECHOING]

[LAUGHING]

Having one of your attacks, huh?

Yeah, oh, the pressure's just

too much for you, is that it?

You haven't changed.

- Here you go.

- And my license.

Thank you.

- Have a nice day.

- Not gonna lie to you, Todd.

That's a little embarrassing.

I mean, if you can't handle

giving out a speeding ticket

to a little old lady,

what would happen

in a real crime scenario?

- Sorry, chief.

- Well, at least nothing

ever really happens here

I can't handle myself.

I thought you got some pills

to help take care of that stuff.

- I had to quit takin' 'em.

They made me feel funny.

- Funnier than

almost passing out

every time you have to

write a ticket?

- I'm working on different

coping methods, with Teresa.

- Oh, is that

what you call it?

- Oh, it's not like

that with us, Mac.

- Whatever you say.

- [SIGHS]

- Oh, one more thing.

You're going to need

some more bags.

[HORN HONKING, YELLING]

I'm driving.

[CREATURE SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

- [CHUCKLING]

What are you doing?

- What's wrong?

Don't you want to do it?

- Do I...

Right here, now?

- Why not?

There's nobody around.

- I...

Don't you want your first time

to be somewhere special,

not in the car?

- First time?

- Why is that funny?

- What's wrong?

Don't you find me attractive?

- Of course I do.

- Then what are you

waiting for?

- I mean, can we just

put the top up

or something at least?

I just feel like...

- Maybe you should

put my top down.

- [MOANING]

[CAR APPROACHING]

- Um, hey, hey.

- Doug, what do you two

think you're doing?

- Talking?

- Hard to talk with

a second tongue in your mouth.

Let's move it.

You're trespassing

on private property.

Plus, it looks like

you might be

in the process of committing

statutory rape.

- Dad, come on, that's...

- Come on, Mr. Tatum.

I'll be 18 this summer.

- Don't talk back to

sheriff Tatum, Veronica.

- Don't you have

anything better to do?

Isn't there a crime

in progress somewhere?

- Yeah, I think

we just broke it up.

Now, mace, take my baby sister

home right now.

I'm sure she's got

some homework to do.

- Yes, sir.

- Veronica, I'll see you later

for dinner.

Anyway, we'll talk then.

- There's nothing

to talk about.

You heard what he said.

Get me out of here.

- I honestly don't know who

this is more embarrassing for,

them or us.

- Yeah, embarrassing.

We should go.

I'll drive.

You drive.

[CAR DINGING, STARTING]

- The golden tent exchange

offers

the most competitive prices

for your old gold.

It's so simple!

Just bring us

your unwanted necklaces,

bracelets, earrings,

whatever it is.

- TV does put 10 pounds on you.

- No matter how big

or how small,

and leave with cold, hard cash.

- Stupid poker.

Stupid Blackjack,

I ain't paying that.

Stupid escorts.

Well, maybe not the escorts.

- Fire in the hole.

[EXPLOSION]

- Oh!

- What in the hell?

[LAUGHING]

You're gonna have to

run faster than that

next time you light

one of those fuses, ray.

- Well, you could get us

a remote detonator.

- What do I look like?

I'm made out of money?

You just do what I say

if you want a paycheck.

- Or you simply could file

a complaint with my office

and Mr. Butler will have

no choice but to purchase one.

- Who the hell are you?

This is private property.

- Eve Moore, mine safety

health administration.

- Well, that's a horse

of a different color.

[LAUGHING]

Don't you people call first?

- It sort of

defeats the purpose

of a surprise inspection,

doesn't it?

Those men should be

a thousand feet away

from the mine entrance

during the blast,

not inside it.

And where are

their respirators?

- Must have left them

in the mine.

- Just standing here,

I see enough violations

to shut this place down

forever.

If you want to avoid

being fined

before the whole place

caves in,

you and me better talk.

- This mine has been abandoned

for over 100 years,

ever since

William Butler the first

gave up on steak,

but there's more down there,

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