Hello Goodbye Page #5

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show you the real Israel.

We fit in very well.

Your friend's pretty.

Yona?

Yeah, not bad.

Her father wants us to marry.

I think he's right.

You'd make a fine couple,

right, Gisle?

Except she is

a world-champion lesbian!

What was that?

I said you're a lesbian.

She's like all girls her age.

She's brain-dead.

No...

Do rabbis normally smoke marijuana?

Alain, there are 613 commandments

in the Torah.

Not one says

not to smoke cannabis.

Nothing on humus, either!

Me?

You smoke now?

Hello.

- How are you today?

- Why do you ask?

Lie down.

I said, lie down.

Show me the little Gaash.

What?

You didn't shave, old man.

No-one told me to.

I give it a regular trim.

It goes down well!

OK, let's go.

C'mon!

Rivka!

- How about an anesthetic?

- No.

It'd be a pity

not to feel anything.

Just a little jab?

In 35 years,

you're my first adult!

They've all come.

Aren't you pleased?

I'm delighted, but you hurt me!

Can I see?

No!

C'mon, let's go!

They'll be gone in a week.

You have to imagine it

tastefully redecorated.

It's the Israeli style.

You're more France, Versailles...

Chteauroux!

We'll repaint all this.

There's a window here.

Another one there.

Two windows!

You'll love it.

I envy you.

But it's only temporary?

Yes, but nice temporary!

Excuse me!

Sorry about that.

- Who was it?

- Nothing important.

Who was it? I'm interested.

Your rabbi, wasn't it?

- Yes, it was Yossi.

- Handsome Yossi...

You go in the kitchen to talk?

- That's nonsense.

- Yeah?

You're always with him.

Yossi this, Yossi that...

I do all I can.

I even had my dick cut off.

And believe me, it hurts.

It feels like I'm peeing razor blades.

How could I have thought

that a woman

who wanted my foreskin off

could love me?

What next?

I play beach volley,

buy a G-string?

Rollerblade with a thong up the ass,

looking at the stars?

No way!

I'm not Yossi

and I never will be!

Is he a good lay?

There's nothing between us.

There is. Me. I'm leaving.

Couples ain't natural. It's like

piloting a submarine: gotta learn.

I better go. Gisle will worry.

One for the road.

She'll worry if I don't go home.

I don't want her to worry.

Well, I'll be going...

The heaviest case to carry

is empty.

You driving?

Drop me off in Paris!

Would you like a drink? Tea?

Alain's gone.

We had a fight. He yelled at me.

He's jealous.

He thinks I'm cheating on him.

And are you?

He thinks there's something

going on between us.

Interesting...

- Between you and me?

- Yes.

Did you say he was wrong?

Why? Is there really

nothing between us?

I think I'll make us some tea.

Can I sleep on your sofa tonight?

What is it, Gisle?

I couldn't sleep.

I made some French toast.

Do you like that?

And I finished the milk.

Kiss me.

SQ?

I can't.

Isn't that why you're here?

I'm sorry, I...

I didn't imagine it to be like that.

What did you imagine, Gisle?

I don't know.

That you were in love with me?

I don't know what came over me.

The picture

you must have of me now...

What picture?

Distorted, dirty, impure...

Appalling, right?

Is that all?

Alain's the man for you,

not your rabbi.

It's him, not me.

Check the register.

I know he stayed here.

Gaash.

Alain Gaash.

I have proof.

I found a parking lot ticket

in his pocket.

Just a minute.

You must have seen him.

Look closely!

He's my husband.

I know he stayed here.

Oh, sure, I recognize him.

He comes every day.

I think I saw him today.

Who was he with?

- Here you are.

- Thanks.

Well, it needs furnishing now.

- It's just temporary, right?

- Sure it is.

My cousin's good value.

He recovered my suite in suede.

There's no need. Our furniture

is arriving soon by ship.

We must sort that out.

It should've arrived weeks ago.

No need, the container's gone.

What's that you say?

The container's gone?

That's right. I went there.

It got damaged in transit

and they threw

the container overboard.

Well, I'll call you

as soon as I have any news.

Don't worry, we'll get 'em!

You didn't tell me.

Why didn't you tell me sooner?

Welcome!

I am neighbor corridor.

Nothing to break!

I want to break something!

What'll we do?

25 years of our life washed away!

Sure it's gone?

Who told you that?

The man told me

it happens a lot.

I don't give a damn!

I want my stuff!

It's okay. No one's dead.

We'll sleep on the floor,

then improvise.

I don't want to!

I'm sick of improvising!

I'm a gynecologist.

I refuse to improvise.

I want something concrete!

I'm concrete.

I don't believe it. Gisele, honey...

Come on, Gisle...

You're crazy.

Why didn't you tell me before?

25 years of our life washed away...

Now what?

Krapschnick, aged 67.

Former locksmith. I couldn't

leave you without a mezuzah.

I was the first

to move into the building in 1976.

Welcome!

Welcome.

The neighbor

put up a mezuzah for us.

Won't they ever stop bugging us?

Rosa heard that there was a problem

with your furniture.

Oh, sh*t!

Hello?

So, Mr Expat...

What am I? Chopped liver?

Michel?

Out of sight, out of mind!

You don't even call your old pal.

Oh, I'm swamped!

Got a job?

What do you think?

At the hospital.

That's great.

When do you get off?

Around 6:
00 pm, as usual.

OK, I'll pick you up from work.

- What?

- I'm here for a conference.

You're in Tel Aviv?

- Proctology and Judaism.

- Great.

- I'll pick you up in 1 hour, okay?

- Yes... See you.

Not if I see you first!

Tel Aviv!

Shalom, colleague!

- How are you?

- I'm exhausted.

I haven't stopped.

Just finished

separating Siamese twins.

Good to see you.

I'll buy you a drink.

I didn't come

to visit the parking lot.

Show me around.

- But...

- Come on.

You see...

A big corridor, the patients...

They're the nurses.

The rooms are very comfortable.

Who are you?

Cheese, cheese.

He's an excellent proctologist.

Okay, we'll see you for dinner.

It's the same on all five floors.

How extraordinary!

See you tonight.

OK? Later.

Visit all five floors.

Thanks, Alain.

Good to see you both

looking so happy.

I mean it, you've adapted very fast.

At the time, I wouldn't have

bet a dime on your chances.

It's getting late.

When does your plane leave?

No, we're not leaving for two days.

Great! Come to our place

for dinner tomorrow.

No, that's not a very good idea.

Our furniture hasn't arrived yet.

Come, anyway, and see the apartment.

No? How about a nightcap?

I feel like dancing.

That's a great idea!

Let's not be a nuisance, hon.

Alain has to get up early for work.

He showed me around.

They're real specialists!

Tell me...

Do you communicate

in French or Hebrew?

Right!

It's time for bed.

I need 8 hours' sleep...

if I don't get 8 hours,

my hands shake.

True. It's essential

in his line of work.

It's like washing cars.

Apart from the overalls.

I don't work at the hospital.

I wash cars at the Intercontinental.

A doctor!

Excuse me.

Alain, I think

you should do something.

Go on, push!

Stop, stop. That's it.

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