Hello Herman Page #5

I pulled out one of my pipe

bombs from my back pocket

and I said, "the next

person who moves

without me telling them to,

gets this up their ass. "

I walked over to Paul.

His bone was sticking out.

And he was crying.

So I told him to shut up

and I shot him in the gut.

It sounds like you hated him.

He must have had quite

an effect on you.

I just wanted him to shut up.

Then what happened?

Get down!

Herman, please.

Mr. Phelps came towards me slowly.

Put the gun down. Herman.

I don't want to kill you.

Give me the gun.

I had to shoot.

He would have grabbed

me if I didn't.

I clipped him right

in the collarbone.

You know, he was

an allright teacher, man.

I mean, he actually

gave a f***, kind of.

Are there any other

teachers in this room?

If you're a teacher, would you be so kind

as to come up here and take a bow?

I knew that Ms. Cribb was there.

Nobody came forward.

So I called up three people that were

laying right down in front of me.

Susan, get up here!

It was Susan, this bitchy

girl that nobody liked...

James, follow her! Come on!

- James Hankley...

- Move it!

The editor of

the school newspaper...

Marsha, get up here!

And Marsha Dixon.

- Hello, Herman.

- Uh, hi, Marsha.

What are you doing?

Oh, I'm just making

a program for a game.

- A game?

- Yeah, like a video game.

You ever played one?

No, I've... I've never played

a video game before.

Duh. Of course.

- Duh?

- Stop it.

Stop what?

- Stop making fun of me.

- I wasn't making fun of you.

- Yes, you were.

- No, I wasn't.

- Yes, you were.

- No...

All right, I was.

I just... I just didn't...

What?

I just didn't expect "duh" to be a word

that came out of Marsha Dixon's mouth.

- Why not?

- I don't know.

So, do you do this all the time,

make video games?

You're not gonna be laughing

when I'm rich and famous

because of this game.

- You really think you can sell it?

- Oh, yeah, definitely.

No way. That's awesome.

Yeah.

Like, how much could

you get if you sold it?

Enough to be one of

the youngest billionaires around.

I didn't even know you could talk.

That's because you've

never talked to me before.

Don't get snotty.

I got to go.

What are you doing

Friday after school?

Nothing.

- We could see a mo...

- What the hell?!

I don't know.

Let's talk about it later.

Okay.

Oh, my God.

Were you really talking

to freak show?

Yeah.

Ew. What are you? Into him?

No. Ew.

I just wanted to hear what

his voice sounded like

to see if he's the one leaving

me dirty messages.

- Mm-hmm.

- Dirty messages?

- Ugh!

- Fretard is leaving you messages?

Okay, see you later, freak show.

Whatever.

I want you, Marsha.

I've always wanted you.

I want you so bad.

So, so, so, so bad.

I want you so bad.

So, so, so, so bad.

Okay.

Good night, superstar.

Aww.

Yeah, I just saw it.

I want you so bad.

It's gone viral.

So, so, so, so bad.

That was so funny.

Uh-oh.

Ooh, you gonna cry?

Oh, what a poor little baby.

All right, people, we have

classes to get to, yes?

Let's get there.

"Get to class. "

Oink! Squeal!

Jesus, please protect me.

Jesus, please protect me.

Jesus, please protect me!

Not today.

I made damn sure to go in there and

kill more people than anybody else.

You want to know why, Lax?

Because I had to

reset the precedent.

I wasn't gonna settle for

some rinky-dinky sh*t, Lax.

But I was never going

to kill James Hankley.

I wanted him to live so he could write

about me in his precious school paper.

No!

Stop, Herman, stop!

I shot Ms. Cribb in the mouth.

Have you seen her?

No, I haven't seen her.

Yeah, but have you heard anything?

Well, I heard they had to amputate

her jaw... What's left of it.

She has to be fed intravenously.

Let's take a little break.

These posters look

really good, Sean.

You did a good job,

Vic. You're a good man.

Come and take these files.

You make sure you know

every detail in them.

What the hell's going on?

Vic, give me the files.

Give me the files!

FBI!

- Nobody move!

- Hands behind your head!

- Don't move, Gall!

- Put that gun down!

You don't know how this works, boy!

You don't know how this works!

I'm gonna see you again!

Don't you worry your

pretty little head about that.

- You're under arrest, Sean gall.

- F*** you!

You have the right

to remain silent.

Anything you say can and will be

held against you in a court of law.

You have the right to

speak to an attorney.

If you cannot afford an attorney,

one will be appointed for you.

Do you understand the rights

as I have read them to you?

You're a dead man.

I tell you something, Vic... you got

the taste of blood in your mouth.

That ain't ever gonna go back

to what it was, brother.

Do you think I'm

afraid of dying, Lax?

- Yeah. Yeah, I do.

- Why do you say that?

'Cause you weren't man enough to

do yourself in, like all your heroes.

Hey, I'm prepared to pay

the price for what I did.

I think that takes way more balls

than just offing yourself.

- What about karma?

- You know what I think?

I think when you die,

it's game over, nothing, blackness.

What about reset?

When you hit the reset,

the game you've played before

doesn't have sh*t to

do with the next one,

and all the characters

just come back to life.

That's not how it works in reality.

Once a kid dies,

he doesn't come back to life.

Do you want to hear

what else happened or not?

Sure. Sure.

Eh, where was I?

- Right, so, I shot Susan, but...

- You said that already, Herman.

F***. What... I don't remember

what happened next.

I think I started

firing into the cro...

No, no.

That happened after the police

came through the door.

Yeah, the police

came through the door,

and everyone was screaming

because I threw a pipe bomb

right in the middle of the crowd,

and everybody scattered.

And everyone was running

towards the door

and the police came into the gym

and I was just running around

shooting people left and right.

There were only three cops at first,

and I was able to pick them off

right when they stormed the gym.

They only got one door open.

Everyone was trying to get out.

No cops could get in.

It was anarchy.

I ran up behind Marsha.

I put a .45 right to her back,

and I said, "are you

ready to die, prom queen?"

Then I shot someone who was

running towards the door.

No, no, no.

Please, Herman, please.

Please.

Please don't do this to me, Herman.

I'll do anything.

I'll do anything, Herman.

Please.

I want to see my mom again.

I want to see my little brother.

Please, Herman, please.

Isn't that funny?

She was ashamed to be

talking to me before that.

Do you know what it's like to

have that kind of power, Lax?

We're not interviewing me, Herman.

We have to take

him to his cell now.

- So, what'd you do next?

- I was out of control.

I bashed her nose in

with the butt of my gun

and I left her there to bleed.

Why's that?

Because I wanted her to learn

what life's like when you're not

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