Hello I Must Be Going Page #3

in- in case you haven't noticed.

I've been with older women before, okay?

- You have?

- Yeah.

Really? Who?

My on-set tutor, Mrs. Botstein.

Mmm.

This just- It...

can't be, like, a thing.

- A what?

- Do- Like a-

Like a, you know. Like-

- What, a shell game?

- No.

My dad is trying to get these clients

from your stepdad-

I have no relationship with that guy.

Okay, but I have

a relationship with my dad.

And it happens to be, like...

the only good relationship in my life, so-

Well, nobody has to know.

I don't lie to my parents, okay?

I don't sneak around.

Gwen Hammer called, Amy, to thank you

for showing Jeremy around.

- She said he had a really good time.

- Of course he did.

He's playing Walt Whitman

in a play in New York this fall.

Apparently he's very ta/er/ted

Really, I, frankly-l think she goes

a little over the top, you know?

Like he's God's gift.

- Sounds like you two bonded.

- No, I wouldn't go that far.

I mean, she likes to talk.

She's very open.

She's a therapist.

You know how they are.

- Yeah, she said she's worried about

him blowing his career. - Yeah.

She says she's always worried about him...

because he's gay and everything.

- Mmm.

- Apparently it's very hard for gay teenagers.

Amy. Stan!

Heimlich!

Amy?

What is so funny?

Oh, stop.

Dad.

What?

You're awake?

I'm always awake.

What is it?

Um, j--

Just...

I have to go out.

I have to go to the drugstore.

There's Motrin and Aleve in the top drawer,

above the hair dryers.

No.

Um...

I-it's a prescription.

I forgot it, to pick it up.

What for?

I'm starting some meds.

You, uh-

You know, for- for my depression.

- Oh.

- Yeah.

So when you hear the garage door and

the- the ding-ding thing of the gate sensor...

that's what it'll be.

It's me...

going out to pick up

my antidepressants.

I guess I was just...

really good...

at playing gay-

- You know?

- Hmm.

I guess I was just really convincing.

You know, like, it was just

a gay part in a gay play, but.

She-

she just latched onto the idea,

like a-

like a pit bull,

and she just wouldn't let it go.

Oh, God. And-

I had to take all my clothes off

in the play.

All my clothes off.

And she brought all these people

to come and see it.

And they all sat in the front row.

I saw them, they saw me.

So embarrassing.

But she just had this huge smile

on her face and-

She was just-

She was, like, clapping so loudly.

She's like the loudest clapper.

But, I don't know.

I've never seen her that happy.

She's really into being accepting, so...

I just let her think I'm gay.

And she gets to be accepting.

Yeah, sometimes it's just easier,

you know,just to be...

like what other people want you to be...

rather than fight it.

You know?

You ever feel like that?

What about your ex-husband?

Why did you guys split up?

Um- Well...

he had an affair...

with a woman from his work.

Mmm.

I thought she was my friend.

They planned this, like,

surprise party for me, together.

- Wow.

- Yeah.

Surprise.

It was surprising.

Why did he do that?

I mean, I-l assumed

he was in love with her.

I don't know. I-

You know, I f***ed up somehow...

and he wanted a divorce, so-

Well, I think he f***ed up.

- So why can't you stay out?

- I just-l don't wanna get in trouble.

I'll get in so much trouble.

I can't.

I wanna see you.

You know?

I want to see you come.

Yeah?

You know?

What the f***?

I want to be able to walk in and, click-

all the lights go on at once. You know?

I'm supposed to be learning my lines

for this Walt Whitman play.

Nobody's following us.

Ah!

Thanks for taking me to work out.

Well, getting fat doesn't do anybody any good.

- Can I quote you on that?

- You joke...

but when I went to my Radcliffe reunion,

everybody was fat but me.

Boy, those antidepressants are

getting you out of the house, huh?

That's good.

So, uh, think you're coming up

with a plan for yourself now?

I already feel like I'm really stoned.

I used to have to smoke pot

for so long to get stoned.

Back in ye olden days.

That's when I saw U2

at Nassau Coliseum, dude.

Oh, sh*t.

I'm supposed to do this play.

You know?

I got such a big part in this play.

That's soon, I think, yeah?

Ooh.

Oh.

- What?

- Ooh.

- I hate smoking pot.

- Oh.

I do too.

I don't want to do it.

Should we stop? Let's just stop.

I don't want to do the play.

Oh, my God. I do not want

to do this play, Amy.

I don't want to play Walt Whitman.

l just-

I... hate...

acting.

- You do?

- I do.

I do. I f***ing hate it.

- Jeremy-

- I hate it.

You're, like-

You're standing up there...

and then people are clapping for you.

People are telling you what to say,

where to go and where to stand.

And then they say, Good job...

like-like-like-

like I'm like a f***ing toddler

who just learned how to use the toilet.

So why?

Why do you do it?

I don't know. I don't know.

Don't do it.

Really?

Just don't do it

if you don't want to do it.

It's your life, right?

It's nobody else's.

Hello, miss.

What can I get you for your supper?

Hello. My- My name is Leonardo.

- Let me enter the castle, please.

- You are not Leonardo.

I'm just a sad princess,

and I need to come in.

- Please, oh.

- You're not a princess.

- You're Auntie Amy.

- Ooh.

It's a very specific

kind of rose in your cheeks.

Maybe it's the antidepressants.

- Uh.

- What?

Mom told me.

I think it's great for you.

It's not for me, personally,

taking a pill every time I have a problem.

All right. No, it's not that.

You just look-l don't know-

sexy, is all.

Are you seeing someone?

What?

No.

- How could I be seeing someone?

- Hmm. Mom said she thought you might be.

Well-

She said she's been hearing

the gate sensors go off at night.

Uh, mm-mmm.

Well, if you're not, you should be.

We know this guy

who's friends with Craig Mankewitz.

- Oh.

- Not Craig Mankewitz.

- Mmm.

- His name is Phil Bauer.

- He's in my rotisserie baseball league.

- He's divorced. He has one kid.

He's an investment banker in New York,

but he lives here now.

Your family would go crazy over him.

- I already told your mom.

- Oh.

You got the shovel,

the ax and the pick?

Where's the pick?

No. That's a-no pick.

That's a hog.

A hog,

Don't you know what a hog is ?

Oh, come on, let's get going.

We gotta kidnap a couple of football players.

Hey-

I feel pretty stupid trying to write a novel.

Because my dad's a writer.

And... it just feels like...

I'm trying to be like him or something.

Now, what about you?

I mean, like,

what do you really wanna do?

Stop it.

Stop it.

Why don't we go away together?

Okay.

No, I'm serious.

I mean, I still have money

from the show.

You can take pictures.

I can write.

Mmm.

Okay.

- Okay. Go away. Where do you wanna go?

- Yeah?

Where should we go?

Paris?

Mmm. Is that clich?

Mmm, it's Paris.

Okay. How about somewhere un-cliche?

Poland.

Poland.

- No?

- Um--

L- Liechtenstein.

- Canada. How about Canada?

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