Hello I Must Be Going Page #5

I don't know, I was just looking...

to find something, I don't know.

- Sure.

- Ahh.

Intimacy is such a rare thing.

And I want it for Jeremy so badly.

Even if it is with some big hairy guy.

Where is Jeremy?

Shh, shh, shh, shh.

Hey, Honky! Honky!

- Get in here, you f***ing idiot dog.

- Hi.

- Oh.

- Sorry.

- Hey.

- I'm just, um, looking-

Somebody's mom's here!

Yo! Somebody's mom's here!

No, sorry. It's the wrong house.

Wrong

Oh! Off! Oh!

Ah, geez.

Hello?

Oh, sh*t. Oh, sh*t.

Oh, I need to get out of here.

Ohh. Ow.

Where the f*** is bottom?

Where the motherfucking f***

is motherfucking bottom?

Whoo!

- Whoo!

- Amy Minkie's in the house!

- Whoo!

- Minsky!

- You go, girl!

- Whoo, yee-haw!

- Oh, I just got a brain freeze from that ice.

- You go, girl!

You need another, girl.

I'll get you another.

Whoo. I haven't done this since

high school.

Whoa!

Hey, what have you been

doing since high school?

- Yeah.

- You know- Uhh.

She was totally married and had everything.

My mom told me.

Cute husband, big apartment.

Then he totally dumped her.

- Yeah.

- But that was... pssk! You know?

'Cause now I'm back here.

It's whoo!

So fun, you guys-

- Here, girl.

- No, I can't.

- Oh, you can do that!

- Yeah.

Yep.

I don't think I can. You can have it.

No, you are here to par-tay,"

you divorce!

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go,

go, go, go, go!

Minkie, Minkie, Minkie, Minkie!

Sorry, Infinity.

Ohh.

Are you okay?

Hey, what's wrong?

Oh, Karen-

I f*** everything up.

Oh, hey, come on.

I-I screw everything up.

Everything in my life, Karen.

Every f***ing thing.

It's, like, amazing.

I fail everyone in my f***ing life.

Everyone who loves me.

If somebody loves me,

then I f*** it up.

Oh.

What are you talking about?

Love isn't like a prize

you get at the circus...

for squirting water in the clown's face

the longest.

If somebody loves you,

they just love you, you know?

Shh.

Ohh! What the f***?

Oh, no. Oh, no!

My lips!

Oh, my God!

They cost a fortune!

Look. Look what you've done!

They- They were-

They were right in the front hallway.

I left a note on the door.

Are you drunk?

You are! Oh, God!

Look what you've done.

I can't believe that you've done this.

You are so incredibly selfish.

- Just- I'm gonna clean it up,just-

- No! Just leave it.

Don't you- Don't you touch anything.

Don't you ruin anything more.

- Oh, my God!

- My God. Mom, I'm sorry.

But they were completely

corralled in darkness.

- You take no responsibility for anything.

- What?

That is not true.

Oh, yeah. Your father and I

have taken you in.

We let you sleep late. We let

you loll around in that T-shirt.

And you've just-

you've just given up...

the way that you've given up

on everything you've ever started.

What have I ever given up on?

Oh. Well, let me-

let me count the ways.

Let's see, you- Oh, tennis camp

when you were 10.

- I was the only one with b*obs!

- You could get a bra that fit!

You didn't have to jump ship!

Oh, my God. I could give you a list

that would fill a roll of toilet paper.

All of those internships...

and the projects on the living room oor

that I had to clean up!

And your- And your master's degree

Daddy said that you would never finish.

But he was so happy when you

were gonna marry David.

He said, Oh, Ruth, yes!

She's getting married.

She'll have someone to take care of her."

I thought you were finally gonna wake up

and see what you had.

David left me, Mom!

Okay? Remember?

I didn't quit my marriage.

He left me.

And why... do you think?

What?

You think because I did something wrong,

so he stopped loving me?

Is that what you think?

That I failed?

Well, that's not what love is, Mom.

It's not a prize that you get for coming

in the clown's face at the circus.

What?

Listen. lf- If you behaved in your marriage

the way that you behave here...

of course it fell apart.

Hey, I've been watching you

for three months...

do nothing to help yourself,

do nothing at all.

I have not been doing nothing

for the past three months.

How would you even know

what I've been doing?

You're so much more interested

in those Wanguni lips...

than you have ever been in me!

Do you think anyone in this house

has ever shown any interest in me?

Oh, my God, Amy. Do you-

What do you think life is?

Just one- one ribbon cutting

after another?

I keep this house together.

I keep this marriage together.

And I don't get any accolades

or praise.

I'm like the family dog.

And all I would like- one little thing

I would like after all these years...

is to spend some time

with your father.

And you just keep finding ways

to make everything harder for me!

Don't forget to turn out the lights.

Well, I'm certainly grateful for this

magnificent washout- uh, turnout

And, uh, now I'd like

to say a ew words.

Don't worry about your mom.

She'll settle down.

You can stay here as long as you want.

Yeah. Yeah. Bye.

- Aims. Hey.

- Hi.

- You look nice, hon.

- Thank you.

I feel overdressed, like-

What are you talking about?

You can't overdress in New York. Come on.

- Thank you.

- Thank you.

So look at this. Look at my shoe.

You believe this? $700.

All I did was walk from Union Square.

It's terrible.

What, you making fun of me?

I bought these for a meeting I have

tomorrow with one of the Olsen twins.

I don't even know which one.

- You should find out.

- lf l can.

- Before tomorrow. Thank you.

- Thank you.

So really, you really-

You look good. I was worried.

Really?

Yeah, you know, last time.

Unsightly circles? What?

No, no, I don't- Come on, not like that.

I-You know.

No, I know.

Yeah. I, um- I'm okay.

I'm-l mean, I'm better.

Wait justa sec.

Good.

Good.

Can we talk openly?

Um, I don't know.

Can we order first?

Just wait-just one second.

Oh, God.

Okay.

What happened?

- What?

- Between us.

Um, here? You-You-You want me

to talk about this- about this here?

I promise I won't cry.

I'm not gonna-

I- I just-l wanna know, okay?

I don't know. I-l don't-l mean l just-

You know, I felt-l felt-

- Amy, can we-

- Come on.

Please? I-l promise.

We'd been together for so long,

you know. I-I-I-

All right, you wanna-

you wanna know why?

I, um-l knew everything

that was gonna happen to us.

I mean, I knew everything that was gonna

happen to me, more importantly...

because I was- I was with you...

and I just- I didn't-

I didn't wanna know that.

I didn't wanna-l didn't wanna

see the end of my life like that.

I loved you.

You know. I mean, I-

We were- We were compatible.

Mm-hmm.

We were great friends, right? And that was-

that was great. That was great.

But-

So are you jumping

out of planes now?

No.

No. Hey, can we order now?

Are you still seeing Kimberly?

No. No, that- No.

That whole thing- That was- I mean,

really, that was- that was crazy.

You know, I thought I wanted to, um...

be with someone successful, you know...

like someone in my field.

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