Hercules in New York

Far in the dim past. . .

when myth and history

merged into mystery

and the gods of fable

and the primitive beliefs of man

dwelt on ancient

Mount Olympus,

in antique Greece

a legendary hero walked

godlike upon the earth. . .

sometimes.

Man:
Why can't I go?

Because your place

is here with the rest of us.

- You let Mars travel.

- That's his job.

U ntil mankind learns to dispense

with his services

and lives in peace,

Mars must go where he's called.

I only want

to browse around.

You'd only get into trouble.

I have been here

thousands of years.

- I am bored.

- Don't interrupt your father!

Besides. . .

these mortals are

bedeviled by

as aggravating a collection

of annoyances

as it is possible for one

to imagine.

It may not be entirely

without merit,

- but you wouldn't like it there.

- Let me be the judge of that.

I am tired of the same old faces,

the same old things.

Tired or not,

you're staying here!

Woman:
Zeus, I beg of you,

Hercules is only hotheaded.

He does not mean to oppose

your wishes.

Mind your own business,

Venus.

He has grown insufferable.

I will not be bearded to my face

by this insolent young whelp.

He's only a demigod.

He gives himself airs

his mortal birth does not warrant.

My mother may have been a mortal,

but you, Zeus, my father,

are a god.

I will discuss this

no further.

Does this mean I have

Zeus' permission to leave?

It means you will stay.

I don't wish to hear

another word on the subject.

I won't stay.

You are trying my patience,

Hercules.

- You are trying mine.

- Heed my words!

Nobody will stop me.

How dare you address

such remarks to your father!

It's easy.

Why you offensive puppy!

Perhaps this will teach you

respect for your elders!

Venus:
Zeus,

Hercules is half mortal.

- He may be killed.

- He's only a spoiled youth.

Save him.

Hercules is your son.

Forgive him!

If I had known how much trouble

it would cause me,

I'd have thought twice when I met

his mother on vacation.

Aahh!

- Tell me what's wrong.

- I just saw a man.

Yes, my dear, that's not unusual.

There are men on this airplane.

No, outside!

- He was flying.

- Outside?

Yes, he just passed my window.

Stewardess!

And he was. . .

he was naked!

And he was just going down,

flying.

- And he. . .

- We're traveling at 30,000 feet.

No man,

nude or otherwise,

could possibly be flying

outside a jet plane.

Oh, he was very handsome.

And he had big muscles.

And he was practically naked.

Oh, dear.

Oh, my.

I shouldn't have taken Agatha

to see all those Greek statues.

She's so impressionable.

We throw ourselves

at Zeus' feet.

Woman:
Get up,

you stupid creatures.

Let Hercules suffer the consequences

of his own obstinacy.

J uno has hated Hercules

ever since the day of his birth.

All right! Do not be

disrespectful to my wife.

Let us see what

he is doing now.

( claps hands )

He's in the sea now.

He will drown!

Save him, Great Zeus.

It will take more than Neptune

or any of his creatures

- to overcome a son of Zeus.

- Save him, Zeus!

Save Hercules!

All right, all right.

I have done so.

Behold, coming over

the horizon of the sea.

( ship's horn blows )

What were you doing

out in the water?

- Swimming.

- A hundred miles from land?

I fell.

- Fell?

- Yes.

How did that happen?

- There was an explosion.

- Oh?

- What ship?

- Ship?

From which you

were blown overboard.

Olympus.

There's a Greek freighter

by that name.

- What's your name?

- Hercules.

- Greek, huh?

- Very old family.

Sir?

It's all right,

I'm democratic.

You're addressing the captain

of this ship. Say ''sir'' to me.

- I am Hercules.

- So you told me.

No man is superior

to Hercules.

Begging the captain's

pardon,

but an immersion in the water

can put a man off his head.

H uh.

- What's your berth?

- I am the son of Zeus.

I'm referring to your rating,

not your family tree.

What's your rating

when you ship out to sea?

What's your second name?

Hercules what?

As I have told you,

I am Hercules, son of Zeus.

I don't think he means

any disrespect.

He probably loses it

in the translation.

All right, sign him on

as Hercules Zeus,

since that's his father name,

and get him an O.S. rating.

Aye, aye, sir.

Get him what clothes

you can that might fit him.

Come with me.

- Where's this ship bound for?

- New York.

Carstairs!

Carstairs!

Stop that fight!

Okay, I'm with you, boy.

Better forget it.

Oh no, you don't. No, no.

I'm your friend.

Bosun,

what's the meaning of this?

Well, he refused to work, sir.

And when I tried

to persuade him, well, he. . .

He's a foreigner.

Perhaps he didn't

understand you.

I understood him.

He's most disagreeable

and he has irritated me.

- Where do you think you're going?

- Ashore.

- The captain give you permission?

- Hercules goes where he wishes.

Not on this ship, you don't.

Get your carcass below.

Get yours!

Yo, Hercules!

Come back here!

Stop him!

Somebody grab him!

Get him!

Alex!

Hey, you guys!

that flattens him.

Man:
Come on! Come on!

Oooh!

Come on, push him.

That's it.

Come on!

Come on, push it!

Come on, let's get him!

You'd better get out of here.

They're gonna kill you!

Come on,

we'll get a cab.

Here!

Go ahead!

What's the matter with you?!

Let go!

Fine chariot,

but where are the horses?

Let go of that!

What's the matter?

Hey, let go of that!

Where to?

Uptown.

And step on it!

Boy, that was close.

What was close?

They almost nailed you!

What did you do?

J ump ship?

No, I walked off.

You walked off.

- What's your name?

- Hercules.

Oh. Mine is Pretzi.

They call me Pretzi,

because, you see,

I sell pretzels

on the waterfront.

- Where you from?

- Greece.

Oh! I used to know

a Greek guy.

He ran a beanery

down in the Village.

His name was Apollo.

I never found out

what his second name was.

- I know Apollo.

- You do?

Well, is this a small world?

You know Apollo. Gee.

I wonder where Apollo is now.

I haven't seen him

in two or three years.

- He's back home.

- He went home, huh?

He was all the time talking about

how homesick he was.

So he finally went home.

He was a real nice guy.

Conceited. He thinks there's

nobody handsomer in the world.

Handsome? Apollo?

You must be kidding.

Come on, say you're kidding.

Handsome? With that big black

wart on his nose?

And those

little beady crossed eyes?

( laughing )

He must have been in disguise.

I wonder if Apollo

ever got married.

He was all the time

looking for a wife.

Maybe that's why he went home,

to find a wife.

Diana and Terpsichore

are in love with him.

I think Hebe is attracted, too.

No kidding.

It shows you how desperate

some women could be.

That is really amazing.

You hungry?

Wait a minute.

Here, here.

Go ahead, help yourself.

- I'm grateful.

- Think nothing of it.

Good, huh?

Food for the gods.

Well, I get them

from a bakery in Brooklyn

called

''Food For the Gods Bakery.''

Where you guys wanna go?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes