Hercules in New York Page #2

Hey, what do you know?

Central Park.

This is good enough.

It's fine.

Here we are

in Central Park.

I'll go get my bag.

- That'll be two bucks.

- Big city, New York.

Bigger than Athens.

Bigger than Rome.

Bigger than Carthage.

I'd say New York is the biggest

place there is.

- Pay the cabbie.

- Pay him?

- What?

- For the ride, two bucks.

Bucks?

The bread, the shekels,

you know, the long green,

the money, two bucks!

He wants to be paid for driving

Hercules in the chariot?

That's the idea, mack.

My name is Hercules.

Hercules, Schmurcules,

give me the dough.

Bucks? Doe? What's all this talk

about male and female animals?

This guy got all his marbles?

He's just come over

from the old country.

Look, Herc, it's money.

You know, drachmas.

Money?

I don't have any money.

You don't have any money?

Holy moley.

He ain't got no money.

Hercules doesn't need

any money.

What?

That's the stupidest thing

I've heard in my whole life.

A couple of deadbeats, huh?

Pretzi:
Look, buddy,

you see. . .

There's been a little mistake.

Well, now,

ain't that something.

A mistake.

Well, what do you know. . .

a mistake.

Last time, you gonna give up

the dough or ain't you?

Isn't it enough since Hercules

rode in your chariot?

You've been immortalized.

I've been who?

You heard him,

you've been immortalized.

- Driver:
Are you nuts?

- Well, you see. . .

- It's like this--

- Driver:
Like what?

Well, you see. . .

uh, we, I--

Okay, call the cops.

Not before I have some fun

by taking it out of your hides.

- Run, Herc!

- You deadbeat!

How dare you

touch Hercules?!

Brad says we've got the best

all around team we've ever had,

a cinch to win first place

in the intercollegiate meet.

I should hope so.

I know Rod, for one,

has worked very hard,

even to the point

of neglecting you, I'm afraid.

I don't mind, Dad.

I want him to succeed.

I'm sure he will,

darling.

You know what pleases me most,

Helen, about these boys?

J udging from their classroom work,

they apparently have brains

as well as brawn.

How are those men

over there?

They're just athletes

training.

- Athletes?

- College guys.

Hmmph. . .

What do you mean?

You think you could do better?

( snorts )

What do you mean?

These guys happen to be champions.

Ha!

- Nobody can beat them.

- Ha!

Wait!

Where are you going?

- Over there.

- What for?

To show them how

to throw the discus.

No, no.

You've gotta stay here.

You can't go

buttin' in there.

They would not like me

to instruct them?

No, it's just for college guys.

No outsiders allowed.

I am Hercules.

Put that discus down!

You have no business out here.

Those men do not throw it

far enough.

- You don't say.

- I do say.

- What is it, Helen?

- That man with the discus,

the coach seems to be

arguing with him.

These boys are

record holders.

Then they should

be better.

I suppose you believe

that you're better.

I once showed them in the

Olympics in Greece how to do it.

They profited by

my instruction.

You showed us in

the Greek Olympics, huh?

- What year was that?

- That was the year. . .

Hey, coach.

Let him show us, coach.

Maybe there is something

we could learn.

Well,

it's always possible.

All right, go ahead.

Show us.

Thank you.

What else do you do?

I ncredible.

Okay, Tom.

( cheers and applause )

Great throw, Tom!

Great throw!

Okay, let's see you

beat that.

A very good throw

for the earthbound.

Skip the wisecracks.

Put your money where your mouth is.

I do not have any money.

I mean, stop talking. . .

demonstrate.

All right.

Wow.

That's my buddy.

He's a Greek fella.

He just come over. . .

from Greece.

- Dawson.

- Coach.

You're our anchorman here.

- Show this fella something.

- Yes, sir, coach.

Fifty bucks says my pal beats

that guy about to jump now.

I'll take that.

It's a bet.

- This fella can hold the money.

- No, that's all right.

I trust ya, buddy.

All right, Mister.

Let's see you top that.

Certainly,

if you wish me to.

Wish you?

Brother, I'm begging you.

- I beg your pardon?

- Why, what's the matter?

- Did I do something wrong?

- My name is Professor Camden.

- How do you do?

- And this is my daughter, Helen.

Here's our card.

I wonder if you'd

do me a favor.

Sure, spill it.

Have tea

with my daughter and me.

Shh! Not so loud!

You never know when one of them

narcotics cops is around.

Tea, the conventional

social drink.

You mean the drinking stuff?

Of course! What else?

Wait a minute.

You want to get together

just to drink tea?

Do you find that

so uncommon?

Well, no, but eh. . .

it's just that nobody's ever invited

me to do that with them before.

Well, around 4:
00, then.

Hm?

Great.

And bring your friend along.

Hey, Herc!

( doorbell rings )

Please go into the library.

I'll tell the professor

you're here.

Hercules:
Ha, ha.

Pan.

It's a funny one.

I must tell him about this.

Yeah, you must do that.

Yeah.

Helen:
Hello!

How do you do?

How do you do?

I'm so happy you both

could be here.

Hey, cut that out!

- Won't you be seated?

- Thank you.

My father should be here

any minute.

- Is anything wrong?

- What could be wrong?

It's just that you're looking

at me so strangely

I feel my hair may be out of place

or something of the sort.

Everything's perfect.

Everything's in its place.

- You remind me of someone.

- Really? Someone you know?

- A goddess.

- A goddess?

I remind you of a goddess?

It's a beautiful day,

isn't it?

If the sun comes out,

it will be a beautiful day.

You and she do have

a lot in common.

It's kind of you to be

so complimentary, but. . .

I must say it's the first time

anyone's been quite so. . .

so extravagant with his comparisons

where I'm concerned.

( doorbell rings )

Excuse me,

that must be my other guest.

What's the matter with you?

Now you cut that out!

Talking that way to that dame.

You're acting like some kind

of a bull in a ten-cent store.

You just got here,

and right away you're on the make.

- What am I making?

- J ust cut it out.

That's no way to talk

to a dame.

I don't understand.

Maybe I'm being

a little rough on you.

Maybe you do things differently

where you come from,

but that's not the way we talk

to a dame here, that's all.

What did I say

that was wrong?

J ust cut it out!

That's all!

That's not the way to talk

to a broad, understand?

I guess you all

know each other.

- Hi, fellas.

- How do you do?

How are you doing?

- Hey, what's happening?

- Is he your lover?

My what?

Hey, Mister,

watch your talk!

I can hear my talk.

I cannot watch it.

You won't hear it much longer

if you don't apologize to her.

Apologize for paying

her a tribute?

A tribute?

- I nsulting her.

- A beautiful woman

with a handsome man for a friend,

they must be lovers.

Herc, you cool it!

I find it unnatural

if they're not.

All right,

you asked for it!

( thud )

Ughh!

You have struck Hercules.

Come off that rap. Keep that up,

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