Hercules in New York Page #4

not yours.

I know you hate him, J uno,

but we do not punish

in hate,

only in sorrow.

I have spoken.

Oh look, you're famous.

That is not Hercules.

And who is that monster

who looks as if he came from

the kingdom of the underworld?

Oh, no.

This is a motion picture,

a play.

You mustn't take yourself

so seriously.

He doesn't even look like me.

Look.

What are you doing?

Oh, wow!

Does he?

Listen. . .

I really. . .

- Does he?

- I wish you'd put your shirt on.

It isn't supposed

to look like anyone

except the actor

who plays the part!

What is the name

of that imitator?

Who gave him permission

to pretend to be Hercules?

Listen.

Stop joking.

I think. . .

I think we ought to go.

I nsolence.

( church bell chimes )

Hercules:
What is that?

It's Atlas

holding up the world.

According to Greek mythology,

he was the one who. . .

Atlas?

- Yeah.

- Poor likeness.

You have the oddest

sense of humor.

Half the time I don't know

whether you're joking or not.

Did your mother drop you

on your head as a baby?

What happened?

Once I strangled two serpents

in the cradle.

Oh. . .

Come along.

I'll show you more of our city.

First, let's take a picture

of Atlas.

Okay.

( shutter clicks )

And now of you.

Smile.

This fine food for only

a few small coins?

They who run this place must be

public benefactors.

Let's go and get a table.

Very pretty.

I like New York very much.

I'm glad.

Perhaps you'll stay here longer

than you thought you might.

Well,

another hundred years,

at least.

( giggling )

- Greetings, Hercules.

- Mercury.

- What brings you down here?

- You.

- Zeus, he sent you?

- I am here at his command.

Why?

To ask you in Zeus' name

to return to Olympus with me.

I don't wish to return yet.

Zeus insists on it.

I like it down here.

Do not defy Zeus.

You can only suffer by it.

He's all the time

nagging me.

Mercury:
It is out of the love

he bears you.

When did you see

my father last?

About five minutes ago.

How did you leave things

in Olympus?

About the same.

Everybody misses you.

Hercules:
J uno, too?

Well, you know J uno

and her jealousy

of every woman

Zeus looks twice at.

Venus especially asked me

to give you her best wishes.

Tell Zeus I'll come back

when I'm ready.

I wouldn't want to do that.

You know how handy he is

in throwing those thunderbolts

when he's angry.

I'm not worried about

Zeus' thunderbolts down here.

Zeus has another instrument

to punish those who offend him. . .

Nemesis.

He wouldn't send her

after me.

It was only at the solicitation

of your friends

that he sent me in her place

to make this plea for your return.

Why can't the old man

let me alone?

For the first time

in 2,000 years

I'm enjoying myself

and he's trying to spoil it.

This is no place for you.

Everything is changing.

Mortal man has no more belief

in the old ways.

I'm enjoying myself,

just the same.

- You are living a fallacy.

- It doesn't hurt me.

Such overconfidence

could be ruinous.

I'm going

to take a shower.

Please, Hercules,

come back to Olympus.

Now you're reasonable,

Mercury.

And you're also

my half brother.

What harm am I doing

down here?

- You could do great harm.

- Harm to whom?

- Yourself.

- What are you talking about?

Hercules can only be

Hercules.

You are confusing these mortals

with your behavior.

Hercules:
Ha!

I know a theater

on the street named

Broadway.

There's a man

who plays me so well.

They shower money on him.

It proves they know me.

I must get back to Olympus.

I cannot delay.

Zeus would hold it against me.

Are you coming back or not?

No.

Is that the message you would

have me deliver to Zeus?

I will come sometime,

but not right now.

Then I fear for you,

Hercules.

Such obstinacy can have

only grave consequences.

Give my regards to Venus.

Right.

She will be distressed to know

that you are defying your father.

I'm not defying him. I just want

to stay here for a while.

Farewell, then.

I carry your words back

to Olympus with a heavy heart.

If you will not take

my advice,

then heed my caution:

beware of Nemesis.

Goodbye, my half brother.

I'm sure he meant well.

But, but. . .

he. . .

( stammering )

Ooohh!

Helen:
You know what

I think?

I think he's slightly

demented.

Either that, or he's the world's

most dedicated joker.

Perhaps he's suffering

from delusions of grandeur.

His name is Hercules,

so he thinks he's Hercules.

What's so terrible about that?

We've heard of people

who think they're Napoleon.

U h-huh.

But they're in institutions.

The young man's aberration

may be a mild megalomania.

I don't care.

I like him.

Even if he is a bit crazy.

So do I , even if he did

crack two of my ribs.

A Greek peasant with delusions

of mythological divinity.

Fascinating.

( doorbell rings )

Open it up. . .

I've seen it, I've seen it.

He opens up. . .

I seen it!

I seen it!

- I seen it.

- Pretzi, how are you?

I seen it.

I seen it.

He. . . he. . .

he flung himself

right out the window--

head first--

from the 23rd floor!

And then he fell straight up!

What are you talking about,

Pretzi?

I seen it

with my own eyes.

What did you see, Pretzi?

He called him, ''Mercury.''

They were talking

about his old man.

Seems he come over here

to get him to come home.

But he don't wanna come home,

so Mercury throws himself

out the window,

straight up into the sky!

Take it easy, Pretzi.

- Get him a drink, Helen.

- No, please, no.

No booze, no.

I think that's what did it.

I don't know. I seen it. . .

clear as daylight.

- A cup of coffee may help.

- Right, I'll get it.

Now, Pretzi, I presume

you are talking about Hercules.

Yeah, Hercules.

Right.

Did you have anything

to drink?

Well, I . . .

I might have had a couple

of snorts.

And how much is a couple?

A pint.

A pint?

Well. . .

a fifth.

Relax. A cup of black coffee,

and everything will be fine.

Holy moley!

I tell ya. . .

I've never seen anything

like this before in my whole life.

( thunder )

That was the answer Hercules

gave you to bring to me?

It was not so insolent

as Zeus imagines.

I n fact, Hercules spoke of you

with affection.

- Yet he defied my command.

- But not in so many words.

He said he would come back,

but not just yet.

He dares to temporize with me!

I'll blast him!

Nemesis. . .

come here!

Nemesis. . .

Can I talk with you

a moment, Nemesis?

Make it brief, O wife to Zeus.

I am on a mission.

What punishment did my

husband decree for Hercules?

It is for him to tell you,

not I .

It is for you to tell me

when I ask!

Am I not wife to Zeus?

I order you!

I am to convey Hercules to

the underworld kingdom of Pluto

where he is to remain

for a hundred years.

What kind of a punishment

is that?

Hercules will have

the time of his life

roistering about

with that lecher.

Pluto is the king

of all evil pleasures.

If it is Zeus' thought that

Hercules should reside in hell. . .

I have a keener one for him.

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