Here Comes The Boom Page #8

---

Last night, Lauren says good night

to me by throwing a yogurt at me.

And my business is killing me.

Pepper.

I thought you loved painting.

Yeah.

But when Dad died, I just kept going

with the business, you know?

It wasn't my dream.

Okay, we are done.

It's perfect.

You got to go after

your dreams, Eric.

I mean,

if you don't make an effort,

nothing's ever gonna change.

You think?

Absolutely.

You got to find your passion

and then let it guide you,

let it envelop...

She's here. You're out of here.

Already?

Oh, yeah. Just two

minutes, stir the sauce!

Here you go.

Wow, this is beautiful.

You know, you picked

a very delicate dish.

The sauce there is extremely,

it's delicate.

Hope you like it.

Well, let's see.

How do you like it?

It's incredible.

You made this?

Yes, I made it.

I told you I made it.

I made it.

Of course I did.

Okay.

Where does coq

au vin come from?

Coq au vin

is of Turkish descent.

It's from...

No. It's French.

No, the name is French.

Coq au vin is of, obviously...

Oui, oui.

But, no, where do you think

they get their poultry?

They get it all out of Turkey.

Hence the name, Turkey.

It's all fowl...

No, it's all...

It's a bird country.

It's honestly...

Okay.

Whatever restaurant

you ordered this from,

it's amazing, so make sure

you thank the chef.

And you just did.

The chef, me.

To the chef.

To the chef.

To me.

Whoever it is.

It's me. I did it.

So, I saw one of your

fights on the Internet.

Checking me out.

All right. I see where

you're going with this.

How'd I do?

I don't understand.

When you are asking me out, you

are as stubborn as a badger.

And then with this guy?

He grabbed your

hand and you're like,

"I give up,

I give up" in two seconds.

Okay. First of all,

it's "stubborn as a mule",

it's a mule.

Second of all, he had me

in an arm bar, okay?

Do you know what an arm bar is?

If I didn't tap out,

he's gonna break my arm,

so that's what you do.

That's what you do

when you give up.

You know what?

Do me a favor, stand up.

Please, stand up.

Okay? I'm gonna

put you in an arm bar.

Here, this is a

Kimura, right here.

See? Feel this?

Now what would you do

if I got you here, huh?

What would you...

What are you doing?

Take it easy.

My father told me to strike

first and to strike fast

and to always be the aggressor!

All right, stop it!

What you gonna do now, huh?

You're gonna quit?

You're a quitter!

You're hitting me

with closed fists!

Of course I'm hitting you with a closed fist!

This is a fight!

No, it's not.

It's, like,

the weirdest date ever.

You know what?

You're sort of right.

Yeah, yeah, you are right.

'Cause I don't know

what I was thinking.

Hey!

Okay. This is definitely

the weirdest date ever.

Yeah.

Good night, Scott.

Yep, okay.

Well, this was a nice dinner.

Sorry about the lamp.

I wouldn't worry about it.

I wouldn't worry about it at all.

You can just leave that there.

You're good. All right.

By the way, a little

cologne goes a long way.

Yeah, no, I know. I felt it.

My eyes were burning.

I hear you.

Give it to me!

Hey.

Hey. Can you get

away for an hour?

I got something for you.

I can't, guy.

This is a bad time.

This one thought

the Ex-Lax was chocolate.

I'm up to my eyes in it.

- Lauren thinks it's my fault.

- It is!

Says you!

Who keeps Ex-Lax in

their back pocket?

I had a situation!

You're a situation!

Whatever!

Where do you want to go?

You got to wash

your face first.

Okay, got you.

Ow! Stop kicking me!

Yeah, and change your clothes.

Hey, what's up?

What are you doing here?

We training today?

Nah, nah, we're good.

Look, I told you

when you joined my team

I had your back, right?

Yeah.

I just thought you should

know Joe Rogan called.

They want you to

fight in the UFC.

It's 10 grand.

To lose?

Yup.

Yes! Yes!

Niko turned it down.

He what?

Relax.

Om...

Let your tailbone be heavy.

Om...

Hey!

Relax. Relax.

Back to the peaceful meadow.

Hey, why would

you pass on the UFC?

You're not ready

for a fight like this.

You realize we're six grand away

and the semester's almost over?

It's too dangerous.

Yeah. But this

could be one and clone.

Hey, the UFC's the real deal,

all right?

It's big-time.

There's no broken cages or

chickens running around.

Okay, you know what?

I got to be honest here.

I don't see what

the problem is.

Oh, yeah, okay.

You know the problem?

The problem is we're the same

age, and I can kick your ass!

You know, maybe we should...

You know what?

He's up, he's okay.

You're a schoolteacher, Scott!

I devoted my whole life

to fighting.

And you should've

been given this shot.

I was good, Scott.

When I was fighting, man,

I was beating everybody.

I was unstoppable.

And then when I got my big

break to fight for the UFC,

I thought to step it up.

And during training,

I just destroyed my neck.

That was it.

Over.

I'm so sorry.

I didn't know that.

Look, if you don't think

I deserve this fight,

you know what,

I'm not gonna take it.

No, you deserve it.

It's just me. It's...

I'll set this up.

I'm sorry, bud.

Yeah.

It's just...

Yoga makes me emotional.

Mr. Voss, welcome.

Come, this way.

I want to thank you

for your help.

Business has never been better.

Oh, that's great.

I'm so glad.

Your table.

Joe. What's up?

What's up, Niko?

How are you, brother?

Scott, nice to meet you.

I am such a big fan.

Oh, thank you.

Thanks, man.

Joe Rogan, wow.

I showed Dana White

some of your fights,

and I was there

at the Romero fight.

Great job when

you put him down.

That is a tough guy.

That's a serious win.

- Yeah, thanks. Thanks so much.

- Good evening, gentlemen.

I have created some

delicious lettuce wraps,

prepared with very little oil

and a hint of ginger.

Thanks.

Actually, best eaten

while hot, so...

Yeah, we're gonna...

Enjoy.

Yep, yeah.

Get out of here.

Okay.

Thanks.

So, here's the deal.

The UFC had a fighter

fall out last minute

in an undercard fight

against Ken Dietrich

in Las Vegas next week.

Dana's a little worried

you might throw up on him.

No, no, that was

a one-time deal.

I'm telling you, it was some bad

applesauce that got away from me.

It won't happen again.

Good to hear.

Look, my daughter got

into music in middle school.

It changed her life.

And I think what you're doing

is awesome, and the UFC agrees.

We'd like to give you a shot.

Now, Niko,

you had some concerns?

He's ready.

Okay, good.

I'm gonna grab one of

these lettuce things,

and I'll see you boys in Vegas.

All right, Joe, thanks.

Good luck, sir.

Wow. Thank you.

You got yourself a fight!

Fight!

Okay. I can't believe

that we're doing this.

Ding, ding, ding, ding.

Oh, my God, I love you guys!

I really do.

Take it easy, Marty.

Oh! Listen,

I have a window seat

and I pee a lot.

Do you mind if I...

Okay, we're switching seats.

Thank you very much.

I'll be right back, honey.

Okay.

Hey, Scott. Can I talk

Rate this script:4.0 / 1 vote