Here Comes the Groom Page #3

"Meet me and expect surprise.

Pete."

Why, that unpredictable...

He didn't say anything to me

about marriage!

He's learning.

And no more assignments

to those faraway places,

because I'm gonna housebreak him.

Well, turn up your wick.

He cometh.

Just stick around. You're gonna see

the greatest love scene since

somebody met somebody.

He cometh not.

Miss, wasn't there a Peter Garvey

on that plane?

Peter Garvey?

No, sir. Sorry.

Well, he said to expect a surprise.

Yes, he did.

I should have known better!

Here. You're the one

he's married to, anyway.

No appetite, huh?

For two weeks,

he's eaten less than a bird.

Acute melancholia.

The best medicine

is complete change.

I'll recommend him tomorrow

to the Director General.

- Thank you.

- Good night.

- Good night.

- You must eat something.

Do you want to starve yourself

to death?

You will have to forget

Monsieur Garvey.

Starving yourself isn't gonna bring

him back. He's gone to America.

He wouldn't forget his typewriter

and his clothes.

Newspapermen are not like

other people. They're crazy! They're...

Plenty crazy, and you're not kidding.

- Hi, Bobby, Suzi.

- Where have you been?

Where? I've been all

over France like a tent.

Afoot, on horseback

and by scooter.

And I got an hour and a half

to catch my plane.

What a deal! What a hassle I got into.

I gotta have a birth certificate!

I go to the Consul,

the Bureau of Immigration.

Can I get it? No. Why?

Because I'm a bachelor.

And can I get it in Paris?

C'est impossible.

I must go to Saint-Nazaire.

I'm famished!

Well, I hightail it to Saint-Nazaire.

I look all over town, I talk to everybody.

Nobody knows about it.

One old fellow with a mustache

out here, says, "Try Alengon."

Off I go to Alengon.

Empty. A complete blank. Nothing.

One guy gave me a lead. He said,

"Try the priest." "Where's the priest?"

"Removed. He's now at Orlans."

I go to Orlans, can't find him.

He's not in town.

He's out picking grapes.

So I joined the grape-picking outfit.

No food, no money,

have to wash my shirt in the river.

Eat with horses, sleep with chickens,

wake up with an omelet on my chest.

- But you got your birth certificate?

- Not my birth...

- Bobby's birth certificate!

- Bobby?

Emmadel. She must think I joined

the Foreign Legion or something.

Bobby, do me a favor. Next time you're

born, don't be so sneaky about it.

Arrange to be born somewhere

they know you.

Another thing:
Don't be a bachelor,

even if you have to get married.

You build yourself up

into a respectable citizen,

then try to adopt,

and they think you're a cheat,

- you're a thief, a crook, a liar.

- You are adopting somebody, Pete?

Why do you think I've been

all over France?

We're taking the plane

for America today.

Home and mother await you!

Pete's going to be my father!

I have to write Emmadel

and tell her all about it.

Marie, we must get Bobby's clothes.

Hey, whoa!

All right, all right.

We're going to America to Boston

to see the Red Sox!

Pete's gonna be our father!

Wonderful! Wonderful!

We're going to get our clothes.

- How's Suzi taking it, Bob?

- She is as glad as I am, Pete.

Good. I was a little worried

about Suzi, you know.

Good. I was a little worried

about Suzi, you know.

Suzi does not care where she goes

as long as she is with me.

Wait, wait, wait.

Bobby, I...

I didn't mean Suzi too.

Not Suzi?

Why, no. I thought you understood.

I couldn't take a little girl to America.

There's certain things about little girls,

certain things you have to do.

I know, I know!

I'll do all the things.

I do them now, don't I?

- Everything?

- Everything.

Ever since I found her under a bush

where the Germans left her,

- I've taken care of her.

- You found her under a bush?

Yes. She was this little.

She depends on me, Pete.

I can't leave her. I own her.

- You own her?

- Sure.

But holy Toledo, do you realize what

I did to get you a birth certificate?

I broke rules, regulations... I practically

had the Atlantic Charter rewritten.

I thought you wanted to be

with me and Emmadel.

- I do, I do, but...

- But what? You'd rather be with Suzi?

No, no! I prefer you to her.

She is nothing.

But I can't leave her.

She needs me.

Shut up!

She is so silly,

she doesn't know anything.

She's not only silly,

but she hasn't got any teeth.

All right, Suzi, where were you born?

- She wouldn't know.

- She wouldn't know.

Here we go again!

Aloha, another month.

Pete, I see it! I see America!

I've discovered America, Pete.

Wait till America discovers you. Ouch.

Just like Mr. Christopher Columbus,

huh, Pete?

- I'm discovering America, eh, Pete?

- Yeah, you and old Chris.

Here's Cristofo Columbo

Meet Cristofo Columbo

Well, how-dee-doody, Chris.

He proved to all the squares

That the world was round

Then circled round

And found the USA

Misto Cristo

Cristofo Columbo

Went for a boat ride one fine day

On his day off

Traveled such a way off

He found the USA

There they go again!

Don't these actors ever stop

making noises?

They're USO people.

They sing for soldiers.

Soldiers can shoot back.

They've got guns.

Well, it took him ages

Cost a lot of wages

Then from the sea

There rose a hill

Though we fly now

Landing from the sky now

We get the same old thrill

Oh, Misto Cristo

Cristofo Columbo

Thought the world was round

Oh, presto, westo

Sailed the man Columbo

He found the USA

The mighty Louis.

Isabella

Really liked this fella

Pawned her best fur coat

To buy the cat a boat

Oh, Misto Cristo

Cristofo Columbo

Thought the world was round

Oh, presto, westo

Sailed the man Columbo

He found the USA

Oh, Misto Cristo,

Cristofo Columbo

Thought the world was round

Oh, presto, westo,

Sailed the man Columbo

Who found the USA, huh?

When he docked here

Almost no one flocked here

Now, it's more alive

Just try a Sunday drive

Oh, Misto Cristo

Cristofo Columbo

He really pulled his oar

Oh, glad he got here

Now we have a spot here

Known as Freedom Shore

Where the helpless, homeless

Open up Freedom's door

Folks he met here

Were a healthy set here

Wore nothing much

Except a smile

With me along here

In a new sarong here

- I'd have been right in style

- Tell it, Phil.

Here comes Curlie

You better hold your girlie

Ain'tl the one

Well, shut my mouth

Who's this Chris kid?

Take a look at this kid

I discovered the South, boy

Ain't no baloney

It's John L. T. Savonie

I was just sitting around

I wasn't doing anything

Everybody started singing

Made me so nervous

Oh, Misto Cristo

Cristofo Columbo

Really pulled his oar

Oh, glad he got here

Now we have a spot here

Known as Freedom Shore

Where the helpless, homeless

Open up Freedom's door

Where the helpless, homeless

Open up Freedom's door

Where the helpless, homeless

Open up Freedom's door

Fasten your safety belts

We're coming in for landing

We're coming in for landing now

Well, the permit is for five days only.

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