Here Comes the Groom Page #6

the receipt for the first month's rent.

- OK.

- All square and even, Pete.

All square and even.

- It's late.

- Em?

A lot of luck, now.

Thanks, Pete. I'll...

I'll see you sometime.

I believe that when you make a break,

make a clean break, no hangovers.

That's right, no hangovers.

Well, you ready?

Say, don't we

always leave them singing?

Yeah, we always leave them singing.

Yeah.

- Wanna play?

- Sure.

Can you give me a little pickup

there on your typewriter?

Very pretty, but a little high for me.

You know my limited range.

You kill at 50 inches.

Just hang on around the curbs,

don't get lost.

I brought my scooter.

In the cool, cool, cool of the evening

Tell 'em we'll be there

In the cool, cool, cool of the evening

Better save a chair

When the party's getting a glow on

Singing fills the air

In the shank of the night

When the doin's are right

Well, you can tell 'em we'll be there

Oh, you remembered!

You know any more games?

She still loves me.

Gentlemen, this little meeting

will come to order here.

Take a letter, Miss Jones.

Sue wants a barbecue

Sam wants to boil a ham

- Grace wants a bouillabaisse stew

- Clean the kitchen!

Jake wants a weenie bake

Steak or a layer cake

He'll get a tummy ache too

- What's yours?

- Ulcers.

We'll build a tent or a teepee

Let the town crier cry

And if it's RS VP

This will be our reply

In the cool, cool, cool of the evening

Tell 'em we'll be there

If you want a couple of deadheads

To fracture your affair

I may even sing Pagliacci

Spread out and give him air!

Everyone relax

And we'll have a few yaks

And you can tell 'em we'll be there

Gentlemen, be seated.

"Zee", went the bumblebee

Let's have a jubilee

"When?" said the prairie hen, "Soon?"

- "Sure", said the dinosaur

- "Where?" said the grizzly bear

- Under the light of the moon

- Yes

"How about you, Brother Jackass?"

Everyone gaily cried

"Say, are you coming to the fracas?"

- And over his specs he sighed

- "Well, carry on!"

In the cool, cool, cool of the evening

Tell 'em we'll be there

In the cool, cool, cool of the evening

- Put slickum on my hair

- Coming up.

Now, perhaps I may seem

Unconscious

But remember, C'est la...

If we're still on our feet

And there's something to eat

Well, you can tell 'em we'll be there

- He'll be there too.

- He better be.

- The natives are restless tonight.

- In Boston?

No, down in the Caribbees

Some Aborigines

Rode out to pay me a call

"You likey singo jingo

"Me likey too", they cried

I didn't get their lingo

So this is what I replied

In the cool, cool...

Remember when we won

the cup at Gloucester?

- And you lost it in a crap game?

- Well, they switched dice on me!

Oogaty-boogaty-boogaty-boogaty

Book-book

Which means we like 'em rare

When the tribe is getting a glow on

And tom-toms fill the air

If the dinner is free

And the dinner ain't me

Well, you can tell 'em we'll be there

Be sure and tell 'em we'll be there

Tell 'em we'll be there

If I can get out of bed

And put a head on my head

Well, you can tell 'em we'll be there

If you need a new face

Or a broken-down bass

Well, you can tell 'em we'll be there

Well, we had such a ball

Thanks for the use of the hall

And you can tell 'em we'll be there

- There.

- There?

There, there, there.

That's the silliest song

anybody ever did sing.

But the dance was lovely, wasn't it?

So smooth, elegant, well-contrived.

Well...

Well...

- See you next time we live, Pete.

- That's a date, honey.

Yes. Yes, George.

I'm all right, I'm fine.

Yeah. I'm gonna marry

Emmadel Jones Saturday.

Yeah. I know. I know all about Wilbur

Stanley and that Cinderella stuff.

But let me tell you something, don't

believe a thing you read in your paper,

unless it's got the old Pete Garvey

byline on it, you hear me?

Now, here's what I want you to do.

Come out to 312 Harbor Village Road.

Yeah, 9:
00. Got the address? 312.

And bring some photographers

with you.

- Look for 312, you guys.

- There's 302.

- There's 303.

- 12 is an even number.

- No!

- 308.

There's Pete!

With that mob on the lawn.

- Arrest him. He's an imposter!

- How can I? He has a lease too.

Excellent! Spoken like a true

guardian of the public security.

With such servants as you,

our nation is in no peril.

Let me straighten you on something,

Mr. McGonigle. We are victims.

Innocent victims of a gigantic

hoax to defraud and deceive.

I'm the victim.

You know what you are? I'll tell you!

- What?

- You're a scoundrel! You are, sir.

You come here without a by-your-leave

or a word of warning

and start littering up my beautiful lawn

with all that junk of yours.

- Officer, kindly turn your back...

- Take it easy!

- Just a minute! What's going on here?

- None of your business!

Right. I'm having a private discussion

with Mr. McGonigle. Who are you?

Why, I'm George Degnan

of the Morning Express.

- A newspaper man!

- My name is O'Neil.

You've arrived in the nick of time.

I have a lease here.

A lease entitling me

to occupy this bungalow,

me and my two orphans

arrived from Europe.

But can I occupy it? No! Why?

Because of an octopus!

What? Who's an octopus?

No, you're a father

and a fine gentleman.

- That's a different tune.

- We were issued duplicate leases.

Issued with intent of avarice

and deceit by a real-estate octopus,

- whose tentacles are strangling...

- Oh, a real-estate octopus.

Yes, and there should be an expose.

If I were a newspaperman,

I would spread this across the nation

in letters of fire!

I would spread this across the nation

in letters of fire!

I'd put him in prison for life!

That's what I'd do!

I'll do the arresting around here!

Can I see your lease, Mister...

What was your name?

Garvey, just a plain, simple name

like Garvey.

Garvey, and a fine name it is too.

From the County Cork, I take it?

- No, County Kerry, I think.

- Then stop thinking.

If you're not from County Cork,

it doesn't matter where you're from.

The Stanley Real Estate Company.

Wilbur Stanley.

You're right, Mr...?

What was your name?

- Garvey.

- You're absolutely right, Garvey.

This calls for an expos! And never

let it be said that the Morning Express

failed the downtrodden!

Where's your phone?

- It's inside the door, on the left.

- OK, boys, shoot everything.

We'll have justice here soon.

The bridegroom cometh, Pete.

And to think that this could happen

in the glorious city of Boston,

practically the citadel of human liberty,

home of the Boston Tea Party.

Why, they're not asking much, these

little orphans from a devastated world,

just a roof over their heads,

a little kindness, a little affection.

Gentlemen, Mr. Stanley is here.

Boo!

So that's the fellow, is it?

I'll arrest him for disturbing the peace.

No, officer.

This is still a democratic country.

He's entitled to have his say.

Mr. Stanley? George Degnan of the

Morning Express. I telephoned you.

- Oh, yes.

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