Here Comes the Groom Page #8

I suggested it. I thought I'd spare

our respective families

from running head-on into each other

the very first morning.

It could be quite a shock

for both of them.

I hope your family's

well insulated.

Your knees, sir.

- Shall I break your egg, sir?

- No, thank you.

- I have me own teeth.

- Yes, sir.

This is the life, huh?

Only birds eat in the same nest

they sleep in.

Or pigs..

What does that son of a Revolution

think we are?

- Pigs?

- William, please.

Oh, I'm William now, am I?

I suppose if we stay in these twin beds

much longer, I'll be Mr. Jones.

Then we'll be communicating

by wigwag and semaphore.

A man and wife should never sail

separate courses.

No wonder they haven't produced

anything around here in 30 years.

What about breakfast? I'm starved.

Yes, Abby.

Well! Bless my cinches! Look!

- Well, really.

- Family, meet Emmadel Jones.

- Hello, family.

- Oh, she's lovely.

This is Aunt Amy.

She's the oldest.

Welcome to our bed and board.

And you will be, plenty.

It's only the men who count here,

my dear.

- Emmadel's going to change all that.

- I hope so.

And this is Aunt Abby. She can't hear

very well, but she's a real good egg.

- This is Uncle Adam. He builds ships.

- How do you do?

- And Uncle Elihu. He breeds horses.

- How do you do?

Bless my cinches,

what a sharp little filly.

- Thank you.

- And here's Uncle Prentiss.

- Once upon a time he had a past.

- How do you do?

One thing you can say about

the Stanleys, Miss Jones,

they have no family skeletons

in the closet.

We all come down to breakfast.

Oh, I almost forgot.

This is Cousin Winifred.

My maid of honor. I'm very happy

to meet you, Winifred.

- Thank you.

- Lights up the old place like a lamp.

Well, that's because I'm burning

a special kind of oil in my...

- I beg your pardon.

- What's wrong with that?

Well, nothing. Nothing.

You got the family wedding gift ready,

Uncle Elihu?

- To Emmadel with love.

- Thank you so much.

Five thousand dollars!

Oh, fif...

- Five hundred thousand, for what?

- It's an old Stanley custom, darling,

- since you'll be an old Stanley.

- But that's half a million.

- You'll earn it.

- And a bonus beside for every colt.

You're the great white hope,

Miss Jones.

Well, darling. You're not too

disappointed, I hope.

Oh. Wilbur, I love you all so much

I could cry.

The fairy tale goes that Cinderella

and the prince lived happily ever after.

And I hereby swear that I'm not a girl

to let an old fairy tale down.

In the cool, cool, cool of the evening

- What's that?

- What's happened, Adam?

Someone's singing over

the loudspeaker out on the lawn.

I guess that's the character that

moved into the gatehouse last night.

You've still got your hand up, darling.

Excuse me, everybody.

Tell 'em I'll be here

That's Petey-boy singing.

Coming, Pete.

What's the matter with you?

Where you going?

What are you doing, going out

that window? You crazy?

Pa, come back here!

That vine won't hold you!

Scum-washed old barnacle,

come back here! Hey, Pa! Pa!

I haven't heard that kind of noise

since my first wife died.

You hear me? You're like

an old mackerel out there!

Pa, come back here!

I'm gonna kill you!

Come back here. You'll catch

your death of cold out there!

Pete, why don't you stop

kidding yourself?

How do you expect to stop a wedding

the whole country's waiting for?

You're fiddling, Pete, while the

Far East burns, and while I burn.

- When are you going back to work?

- Pete, boy. Petey.

Hello, Pa! Come in. How are you?

How are you? Look at them.

- Look at my little barnacles.

- Aren't they great?

- Look, Pa. Your old ship. The Whale.

- Oh, Peter, you brought it.

- I love it. You know that's...

- Hey. The bell.

- You're about to have company.

- Company? Who?

- Emmy!

- Emmy!

What's the matter, your tooth?

Take her outside and pull her tooth.

Use that string.

You better duck.

Get in here, fellas. Inside.

Everything's square and even,

no hangovers, leave them singing,

check when you ought to check.

You no-good... What are you doing?

- If you wear that thing for breakfast...

- You didn't answer my question.

- What are you doing here?

- Well, I can tell you it's...

- Suzi, Bobby! Well, what on earth?

- Mother!

She got a loose tooth. I didn't have the

nerve, so Bobby said he'd hack it out.

Poor little thing. And with strings yet,

you monster.

Why, I used to tie a string to

your tooth, remember?

- No.

- I tied the string to a door, remember?

- No!

- She don't remember.

Now, Suzi, you close your eyes

and make a wish.

Tell her, Bobby.

There. Now, let me have it.

Good. You see, children need

a mother's attention.

Now, Suzi, open your eyes.

Tell her, Bobby.

There, you see?

You didn't feel a thing. Look.

Oh, well, you mustn't cry now.

There's nothing left to cry about.

She's just hysterical

because she's hungry.

Hungry? Why?

Bobby and I ran into a bit of a problem.

You see, Suzi can't cook.

- They haven't had breakfast?

- They had a wonderful one.

I took them to the drugstore,

got them coffee, doughnuts.

- No, sinkers!

- Sinkers.

- Pete Garvey.

- Children need a mother's care.

- Look, I told you once before, don't...

- Don't argue here, in front of the kids.

Look, Suzi. Take this to the garden,

bury it and your wish will come true.

Go tell her about it,

will you, Bobby?

- Of all the low sneaks.

- I'm not a sneak.

- Mr. Stanley asked me to come here.

- Wilbur?

Yes. I don't see why you resent

the fact we finally found a little shelter.

Out of the city of Boston, did it have to

be this shelter? How did you get here?

- It's your fault, Em.

- My fault?

The place you sent us to was rented.

Stanley, being a fine gentleman,

he said, "By all means,

come and occupy my gatehouse."

- You blackmailed your way in.

- No blackmail.

If you plan to squat and hatch out

schemes to ruin my wedding,

you better get off the nest.

It won't work.

I'm in. And I have something else

I'd like for you to see.

Don't touch it,

just count the zeros.

- A wedding present from the family.

- Let me see that. Holy tam...

Well, thanks for the tip, Em.

Now I know how much to ask for.

- How much to ask for what?

- I didn't know how to break this to you,

but I've been preparing to be featured

in my own little Cinderella story.

I've been trying on glass slippers.

Very attractive on my 8 1/2 C's.

- What are you talking about?

- Winifred Stanley.

Winifred Stanley?

Well, what about her?

I met her last night. She likes me.

Oh, you idiot! Winifred Stanley...

ls OK. She's $20 million worth of OK.

And she's beautiful too, baby.

I might wind up with a million. When

a woman starts out to find a husband...

Winifred Stanley wouldn't even look

at a tramp like you.

No? You used to love me, honey.

ls she any better than you are?

- I never loved you! I hate you!

- You see, you're getting jealous.

Jealous? Of you? That's wonderful.

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