Hey Arnold! The Jungle Movie Page #4

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I hate you,

but that's a cover.

I actually do care about you.

- Huh?

- Don't play dumb, Arnold.

You know

what I'm talking about.

You're like some

weird old wise man,

for crying out loud.

I know you can

handle the truth,

and I can, too.

- What are you talking about?

- I'm talking about the fact

that I really like you, Arnold,

like thunder likes lightning,

like faces like fists.

You know, like-like.

In fact, I lo--

- Uh-oh.

There's a boat coming.

[sinister musical tone]

- [screaming]

[dramatic music]

- [wheezy breathing]

- Eduardo!

- [sniffing, snorting]

[distressed squealing]

[splash]

- Eduardo!

[panting]

There's...

a ship.

[dramatic musical tone]

[people shouting]

- Arnold, it's Lasombra.

- I knew it!

What are we going to do?

- We'll fight back

and get away.

Stay down where they

cannot see you!

- But what about my friends?

- Forget them!

[shouting, swords clashing]

- Oh, dear, a pirate attack?

Not on the agenda.

[dramatic choral music]

- Fight hard, Che!

[squeals]

But don't hurt

your runway-quality

chiseled face!

[dramatic music]

- Hold on tight, amigo.

[engine revs]

Yes, my friend.

I'm changing course down

the Ro De Oscuridad.

It has tricky

and dangerous rapids.

He wouldn't dare to follow.

[all screaming]

- Ugh! Who booked this?

- Bueno.

Lasombra may be

a ruthless river pirate,

but he's not crazy--

no, far from it.

[all screaming]

- Whoop!

There we go.

Whoop!

Down again.

[laughs]

Oh, this is so fun!

- Aah!

- Hold on, Helga!

- Can this get any worse?

- Hold on tight!

[all screaming]

[screaming]

- I'm okay.

- Everyone!

Abandon ship!

- Abner! Abner!

[camera shutter clicks]

Here, boy!

Where are you?

- So...

who's starving?

- Oh, I have snacks

in my other luggage.

I'll just go back

and get them.

Or not.

- Now, friends,

let me explain

what has just happened

back there.

- A thrilling classic

chase scene!

And now we're shipwrecked

and lost!

- Untrue.

We have escaped

an unexpected attack,

and yes, our boat

is unfortunately wrecked,

but there's good news.

We are not lost.

We can hike from here

to our jungle habitat,

a safe place.

- Is the habitat

a short walk from here?

- Oh, no.

No, it's many, many,

many miles,

over rough trails...

- Oh, that is such bad news.

- Through steep,

muddy jungle...

- Ugh, just got worse.

- But then it smooths out...

[all gasp excitedly]

- And becomes

an enormous swamp.

[all groan]

[sharp whistle]

- Okay, I demand

an explanation, mister.

What really happened

back there?

Who attacked us and why?

- We were attacked

by river pirates.

Their leader is called

Lasombra.

He is after Arnold.

[confused chatter]

- [gasps]

- Who's that?

- Why is this Lasombra

after Arnold?

- That is Arnold's business.

Let's get going.

Vmonos.

- We didn't sign up for this,

Arnold,

but you knew that already.

Now we're literally

up the river

without a stinking paddle!

- No, no fighting,

no fighting.

We have one big job

to do now, friends: to walk.

We can do this.

And take only what you need.

[militaristic march]

- Oof!

- [blows raspberry]

- Oh, gross! Get it off!

Oh, I think it bit me.

[screams]

- Ooh!

[gasps]

It's like Christmas.

[thunder booms]

- My Beatle boots!

[sobs]

- [gasps]

I see the habitat!

[all cheering]

[hopeful music]

- We're safe!

Thank you, Eduardo.

- Vmonos, amigos.

You can rest and dry out

and have a hot dinner.

[excited cheering]

- I'm starving!

[cheering]

- [munching]

- We're back on schedule.

- Yeah, I guess

it all worked out.

- Um, eh...

may I have your attention?

There's been a misunderstanding

which I would like to correct.

I am not Eduardo.

[unsettling music]

I am Lasombra.

[all gasp]

And you are now my prisoners.

- No!

- And you will remain

my prisoners

until this football-headed boy

shows me where to find

the Corazn.

- Thank you, all of you,

for walking right into my trap.

- How could you?

- Easy. See?

Eduardo, Lasombra.

Eduardo, Lasombra.

Abraham Lincoln,

Frida Kahlo. Easy.

- Yeah, that's hilarious,

La Bozo,

but I'm Helga G. Pataki,

and I'm not staying!

So if you'll just

open the gate,

we'll be on our way.

- You are staying.

I went to the trouble

to arrange

that whole phony contest

and class trip

just to lure Arnold here.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I have a question.

Does this dump get Wi-Fi?

- Yes.

- [excited gasp]

- But I'm not giving you

the password.

- You monster!

- How did you guess?

Go change it

to the other password!

And don't forget

to write it down this time!

- Okay, Lasombra,

you have me now.

You can let my friends go.

- Arnold, come on,

don't be mad.

You're my partner, remember?

Our secret?

[unsettling music]

- Partner? What secret

is he talking about?

- No! I mean, he--

- Oh, Arnold didn't tell you?

We planned to go look for

his precious Green-Eyed People.

all:
Green-Eyed People?

- No, no, he's twisting it

all up.

I thought maybe

if we found the Green-Eyes,

they could tell me

where my parents are.

- Arnold, say it ain't so.

You weren't actually

helping this jamoke?

- I knew it!

Why didn't you just tell me?

- I'm sorry, Gerald.

- You've gone Benedict, Arnold.

Benedict Arnold was a general

who defected to the other si--

all:
We know, Simmons!

- Sheesh!

So what's so great about

this mega-doofus, anyway?

- The ancient Green-Eyes

foretold

that a child of the volcano

will save them,

and they believe Arnold

to be that child.

For years, I have sought after

the mysterious Green-Eyes

to get my hands on

their even more mysterious

Corazn.

- Corazn.

Translation:
heart.

- With him by my side,

the Green-Eyes are sure

to show themselves to me.

As you see,

I've made a career

of stealing and selling

all that is precious

in Central America,

but one treasure

still eludes me:

the Corazn.

- Psst!

Do you need an inside man?

I can be the camp snitch.

Wink.

- Sorry, kid.

You are too loco,

even for us villains.

- Great job,

bringing us all here

for your bogus contest

and instead, you sap,

we're all prisoners of

some stinking psycho

river pirate!

- Listen, Helga, I--

I didn't want to hurt--

- Ah, save the speech.

You'll be fine.

As for all of you,

lock them up.

- [gasps]

What?

- You heard the boss.

Move it.

- I can't believe

you did this, Che.

- Muvelo, muvelo.

Rpido, rpido.

- This is all your fault!

- This is really bad.

- Way to go, Arnold.

- I'm really disappointed

in Arnold.

[all gasp]

[crying]

- Next chance I get,

I'm knocking

that dingus Arnold

into next week.

[melancholy music]

- [snoring]

- Mom, Dad,

all these years, I hoped

that we'd find each other

and be a family again.

But...

I guess I'm never

going to find you.

I'll never know

what happened to you.

[Arnold sobs]

Good-bye, Mom.

Good-bye, Dad.

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

[romantic music]

- Oh, Arnold...

you poor tortured creature.

Having known the depths

of your despair,

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