Hick Page #3

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born the colour

of moonlight

he has to stay in

that 10-cup incubator.

Then there's nothing

so glamorous

about that, now,

is there?

Rise and shine,

sugar tits.

Okay.

Don't f***

this up, kid.

Hey, I mean, it.

What the hell, Glenda?

Hey, there, moonbeam.

Hey, baby doll.

What do we have here?

This here is Luli.

Luli.

You sure got a

nice house, mister.

Oh, mister, hell.

Call me Lloyd.

That's my name.

Don't need to stand on ceremony

so you all come on in here.

Fix that rat's nest.

Ha-ha!

Well, go on in.

Come on.

Whoa, you're a day

late sugar britches.

Oh, baby cakes,

you know who that damn car is.

You know, I just about had

it with that damn car.

I'm serious

as a heart attack.

I'm-- Oh, don't look!

Don't look!

Turn around!

Turn around!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, baby.

I finally finished it.

You are going

to sh*t a brick.

Mr. Lloyd, mind if I talk

to Glenda for a minute?

Oh, sure, baby,

go ahead.

Just us two girls.

Oh, lady talk.

I understand.

I'll make you

a Shirley Temple.

Glenda, he's here.

Who's here?

It's him, the gimp.

Oh, yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

He's definitely following

me, don't you think?

No, he ain't, kid.

He's following me.

What?

Has been my whole life

(Unclear).

Drinks, ladies.

What, he's like your

ex-boyfriend or something?

Come on.

Who gets what?

Oh, you get the

Shirley Temple.

All right, now a toast

to my pride and joy.

I call it Lloyd's Lagoon.

What do you think, honey?

Oh, I think you sure

did it, honey buns.

You know what?

It's the little things

like this that make me giddy.

Oh, ain't that

the truth?

Oh, sh*t,

I almost forgot.

This here is Eddie.

He's the best.

Works like a Mexican

but speaks American.

Nice to meet you, Eddie.

It sure is nice

to meet you too.

I've heard such wonderful things

about you from your husband.

Whoa, whoa, now, let's not give

the little lady a big ego.

Not that that's

possible.

Oh, stop.

Besides, Eddie,

I'm thinking about bumping

you up to my #1 man.

How about that?

What about Luis?

Oh, sh*t,

no tengo green card.

Luli, put your

drink down.

Let's dance

to this song.

Come on.

Come on.

That's pretty good.

Hey, how about

I have this dance now?

Never knew you like

dancing so much.

Ah!

Seriously, Lu,

be honest.

What do you think

of that bar?

Just know-- Know that

I went to every garage sale

between here and Elko

looking for these

car tags.

You sure are cute.

Come on, baby.

Let's go outside.

You sure are cute too.

Come on, let's go.

What the f***?

What the f*** is that?

Eddie, I'm gonna

ask you a question.

What the f***

is that?

That's a bottle

of soda.

Ding, ding, ding,

ding, ding!

That's right.

That's right, genius.

It is a bottle

of soda.

But what kind?

What kind of soda

is it, Einstein?

Squirt.

What?

What was that?

It's Squirt.

It's a bottle of squirt.

Right you are.

That is a bottle

of Squirt.

But have you ever heard of

a drink called 7 and Squirt?

Have you?

I mean, have you ever

in your whole life

heard somebody saddle up to a

bar like this

and say, "Hey, mister.

Can I have a 7

and Squirt?"

No.

No, what?

No.

No, sir.

Goddamn it!

What the f*** is

going on in here?

I think it best you to

apologize to the wife here

for trying to skimp

on the 7-Up.

Baby, it don't matter.

It does to me.

I'm teaching

a lesson here.

Now get your ass up to

the front of the bar.

Look this lady

right in the eye.

Now repeat after me.

Glenda, I am so sorry.

When I am asked to stock

the bar, I will never,

ever skimp on

the 7-Up again.

Scout's honour.

Glenda, I am so sorry.

I promise I will never,

ever skimp on the 7-Up again.

Scout's honour.

It was good.

Great, perfect even.

Now why don't

you just gimp

your way on over there

to the kitchen

and get us some

7-Up there, cowboy.

All right, that was

out of control.

But that poor

bastard's so dumb,

he couldn't pour

whiskey out of a boot

with directions

on the heel.

You see, Luli,

you gotta train them.

You really do.

Am I right, Glenda?

Yes, sir.

You gotta break them.

Just like old wild buck.

Just gotta teach him

a lesson or two,

and he'll be fine.

F***ing drink's warm.

Some ice.

Then you stir it.

Ooh.

Hah.

That's a f***ing

drink!

Oh!

Now that,

that's a drink.

That's a drink.

Come on.

Luli, I want to

show you something

that will knock your

socks off, little girl.

Paradise, Garden of Eden.

I designed them.

I'm building them.

All the pool, bar,

water features.

Can I use your

phone for a second?

Sure thing, honeybee.

In the kitchen.

No long distance, honey.

Now what's your acquaintance

with my friend in there?

Which one?

You know which one.

You want the truth?

No, please lie

to me, Eddie.

Eddie, you know, maybe

what I said to you

in the truck

wasn't so nice.

Come on, that's water

under the bridge now.

It's water under

the bridge.

Now I got to head into town and

run some errands and, Glenda,

she wants you

to go with me.

So they

can-- Luli, I don't want--

They can--

You know, sexy time.

Come on.

I'm willing to bet

you you've never seen

anything like

the town of Wyatt.

You know they got the world's

largest ball of barbed wire?

It's true.

It's f***ing huge.

Sometimes they even

got famous people.

That's what they tell me.

Come on, Luli.

Maybe if I leave a note.

Well, you stay put.

Wait, you stay here.

I won't be long.

You wait here.

I warned you, boy.

Ooh.

You're up.

Here it goes.

Buy you a drink?

I'll tell you what though,

the ball and chain's

not going to be happy.

Say double the stakes?

You think I just fell

off the couch?

No, I ain't hustling.

I'm just rusty.

Come on, a gentleman ought to

give me the chance to recoup.

All right.

I knew it. F***ing--

Just shaking off

the rust.

Hey, you lost or something,

little girl?

I thought I told you

to wait in the truck.

Hey, mister,

she can't be in here.

How about we go back

to Lloyd's, huh?

Who, Lloyd Nash?

Yeah, that's right.

Lloyd Nash.

You two friends with him?

Yeah, yeah,

you know, Eddie here,

he's Lloyd's

right-hand man.

That so?

Sure.

Hey, any friend of Lloyd's

is a friend of mine.

Thank you.

Hah, what

do you know?

Girl's my little

pot of gold.

Hot damn!

Shuffle on over here

and pay piper 200 smackers.

As a gentlemen, I gave

you a chance to recoup,

but I ain't convinced

you got the pockets

to pay what you

owe, cowboy.

You like Stetsons?

No, no.

Get the f*** off me.

Get off me.

Get off of me!

Stop it! No!

Get the f*** off me!

Eddie, you motherf***er!

Did you whistle?

You whistle

while you work?

You whistle

while you work.

Then what the f*** are you,

the f***ing pied piper?

Get off me!

Watch it!

Watch it!

Eddie!

Plea-- Please.

Gotta mention the fact

that you f***ed up my money shot

with your grand

f***ing entrance.

That whole thing

was your fault.

That don't give

you the right

to sell me off like

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