High Fidelity

Oh, yeah

Oh

Youre gonna wake up one morning

As the sun greets the dawn

Youre gonna wake up one morning

As the sun greets the dawn

You didnt realize

You didnt realize

You didnt realize

Oh, youre gonna miss me, baby

- Oh, youre gonna miss me, baby

- What came first?

The music or the misery?

People worry about kids playing with

guns, or watching violent videos...

that some sort of culture of violence

will take them over.

Nobody worries about kids

listening to thousands-

literally, thousands of songs

about heartbreak, rejection...

pain, misery and loss.

Did I listen to pop music

because I was miserable...

or was I miserable

because I listened to pop music?

Youre gonna wake up wonderin

Find your self on the floor

You don't have to go this second.

You can stay until whenever.

No. We've done the hard part now.

I might as well-

Why don't you stay for tonight then?

Laura.

You're just gonna-

My desert island, all-time top five

most memorable breakups...

in chronological order...

are as follows:

Alison Ashmore, Penny Hardwick...

Jackie Alden, Charlie Nicholson

and Sarah Kendrew.

Those were the ones

that really hurt.

Can you see your name

on that list, Laura?

Maybe you'd sneak into the top ten.

But there's just no room for you

in the top five. Sorry!

Those places are reserved for the kind

of humiliation and heartbreak...

you're just not capable of delivering.

I'm not coming home

If you really wanted to mess me up,

you should've gotten to me earlier!

Oh, yeah

Oh

Which brings us to number one

on the top five, all-time breakup list...

Alison Ashmore.

Candy on the beach

There's nothing better

One moment they weren't there. Not in

any form that interested us, anyway.

And then the next,

you couldn't miss them.

They were everywhere,

and they'd grown breasts.

- And we wanted-

- I want candy

Actually, we didn't even know

what we wanted.

- I want candy

- But it was something interesting.

- Disturbing, even.

- I want candy

- My relationship with Alison Ashmore lasted for six hours:

- I want candy

the two hours after school,

before The Rockford Files...

for three days in a row.

But on the fourth afternoon-

Kevin Bannister.

Slut.

It would be nice to think that

since I was 14, times have changed...

relationships have become

more sophisticated...

females less cruel...

skins thicker,

instincts more developed.

But there seems to be an element of that afternoon

in everything that's happened to me since.

All my romantic stories are

a scrambled version of that first one.

Number two on the top five, all-time

breakup list was Penny Hardwick.

Penny was great-looking...

and her top-five recording artists

were Carly Simon, Carole King...

James Taylor, Cat Stevens

and Elton John.

I remember when rock was young

- Me and Susie had so much fun

- Erin! No, come here!

Holdin hands and skimmin stones

- Had an old gold Chevy and a place of my own

- She was nice.

Nice manners, nice grades, nice looking.

She was so nice, in fact,

that she wouldn't let me put my hand...

underneath or even

on top of her bra.

- Now, when she comes walkin over

- Attack and defense. Invasion and repulsion.

It was as if breasts were little pieces of property

that had unlawfully annexed by the opposite sex.

They were rightfully ours,

and we wanted them back.

Crimson and clover

Sometimes I got so bored of trying to touch her

breasts that I would try to touch her between her legs.

I was like trying to borrow a dollar, getting

turned down and asking for 50 grand instead.

I wasn't interested in Pennys

nice qualities, just breasts...

and therefore she was no good to me.

What's the point?

It never goes anywhere.

Rob?

I started dating a girl who everyone

said would give it up and who didn't...

and Penny went with this a**hole named Chris

Thompson who told me that he had sex with her...

after something like three dates.

I own this store

called Championship Vinyl.

It's located in a neighborhood that

attracts the bare minimum of window shoppers.

I get by because the people

make a special effort to shop here.

Mostly young men...

who spend all their time looking

for deleted Smiths singles...

and original- not re-released,

underlined- Frank Zappa albums.

Fetish properties

are not unlike porn.

I'd feel guilty taking their money

if I wasn't...

well, kinda one of em.

- Morning, Dick.

- Oh. Hi. Hi, Rob.

- Have a good weekend?

- Yeah, okay.

Um, I found the first Liquorice Comfits

album over at Vintage Vinyl...

the one on Testament of Youth.

Never released here.

A Japanese import only.

Great. Great.

- I'll tape it for you.

- No, that's okay. Really.

Cause you liked their second one,

you said. Um, Pop Girls, Etc.

That's the one

with Cheryl Ladd on the cover.

Oh, you never saw the cover, though.

You just had that tape that I made you.

Yeah, I haven't really

absorbed that one yet.

Well...

- I'll just make it for you.

- Okay.

Seymour Stein

I've been lonely

- Dick. What's this?

- It's the new Belle and Sebastian.

Do you like it?

Holy Shiite.

- What the f*** is that?

- Its the new Belle and Sebastian that-

Its a record weve been listening to

and enjoying, Barry.

Well, thats unfortunate,

because it sucks ass.

Yours, I assume.

Mmm, yeah

I used to think

maybe you loved me

Now, baby, I'm sure

Turn it off, Barry!

- And I just cant wait till the day when

you knock - It wont go any louder! I-

- On my door

- Turn it off!

Now every time I go for the mailbox

I gotta hold myself down

Cause I just cant wait

till you write me your-

Okay, buddy, uh,

I was just trying to cheer us up.

So, go ahead. Put on some old

sad bastard music. See if I care.

I dont wanna hear old sad bastard music,

Barry. I just want something that I can ignore.

Heres the thing:

I made that tape special for today.

My special Monday morning tape

for you, special!

Well, its f***ing Monday afternoon!

You should get out of bed earlier!

Come on, dude. Play it.

Dont you wanna hear whats next?

- Whats next?

- Play it.

Say it.

"Little Latin Loopy-Loo. "

- Mitch Ryder and the Detroit Wheels?

- No!

- The Righteous Brothers.

- Well, never mind.

No, not never mind. You tell me right now

- whats wrong with the Righteous Brothers?

- Nothing. I- I just prefer

the other one. - Bullshit!

How can it be bullshit

to state a preference?

- Since when did this store become a fascist regime?

- Since you brought that bullshit tape in.

Oh, man, thats great. Thats the fun

thing about working in a record store.

You get to play crappy pap

you dont even wanna listen to.

I just- I thought this tape

was gonna be a f***in...

conversation stimulator, man.

I was gonna ask you for your top five records

to play on a Monday morning and all that...

and you just had to

f***in ruin it.

- Well do it next Monday.

- No! I wanna do it now!

I cant fire them. I hired these guys for three days

a week, and they just started showing up every day.

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