High Fidelity Page #2

That was four years ago.

Number three on the top five

all-time breakup list?

Charlie Nicholson.

Sophomore year of college.

Whoo!

Am I glad thats over.

As soon as I saw her I realized she was

the kind of girl Id wanted to meet...

ever since I was old enough

to want to meet girls.

I mean, she was different.

She was dramatic

and she was exotic.

- The guy with the make-up and the tongue.

- Gene Simmons. - Gene Simmons. There.

And she talked a lot, and when she talked

she said remarkably interesting things...

about music, books, film and politics.

- Yeah, Chairman Mao. - And she talked a lot. -

Have you ever seen him less than 300 feet tall?

- No.

- Huh? No.

And you wont will you,

sweetheart? No.

Kiss my neck. Yeah.

And she liked me.

She liked me.

She liked me.

At least I think she did.

- Do you like that one?

- Yeah.

Its okay.

We went out for two years, and...

I never got comfortable.

Why would a girl- No, a woman

like Charlie go out with me?

I felt like a fraud. I felt like one of those people who

suddenly shave their heads and said theyd always been punks.

I was sure Id be discovered

at any second.

And I worried about

my abilities as a lover.

And I was intimidated by other men

in her design department...

and became convinced she was

gonna leave me for one of them.

Then she left me for one of them.

The dreaded Marco.

Charlie, you f***ing b*tch!

Lets work it out!

Just open the f***ing door!

Charlie!

Look, lets talk it- Char-

And then I lost it.

Kinda lost it all, you know?

Faith, dignity, about 15 pounds.

When I came to a few months later...

I found, to my surprise,

I had flunked out of school.

I started working in a record shop.

Some people never got over Nam or

the night their band opened for Nirvana.

I guess I never really

got over Charlie.

But the thing I learned from the whole Charlie

debacle is that you gotta punch your weight.

See, Charlie, shes out of my class.

Shes too pretty, too smart,

too witty, too much.

I mean, what am I?

I'm a middleweight.

Hey, I'm not the smartest guy in the

world, but I'm certainly not the dumbest.

I mean, Ive read books like

The Unbearable Lightness of Being...

and Love in the Time of Cholera and,

uh- and I think Ive understood them.

I mean, theyre about girls, right?

Just kidding.

But I have to say...

my all-time favorite book is Johnny

Cashs autobiography, Cash by Johnny Cash.

- Championship.

- Hi.

Hi.

Um, I was thinking...

I could come by the house and pick up

some stuff while youre at work tomorrow.

While I'm at work.

While I'm at work.

- Oh, boy, oh, boy.

- Thats what you got to say is, "Oh, boy"?

I mean, bravo.

Thats-

- Laura, this is just so dumb.

I mean, you should- - Look, Rob.

I gotta go.

Um, I'm looking for a record

for my daughter for her birthday.

"I Just Called to Say I Love You. "

Do you have it?

- Yeah. - Great. -

We have it. - Great.

- Can I have it then?

- No. No, you cant.

- Why not?

- Well, its sentimental, tacky crap, thats why not.

Do we look like the kind of store that

sells "I Just Called to Say I Love You"?

Go to the mall.

- Whats your problem?

- Do you even know your daughter?

Theres no way she likes that song.

Oh- Uh, oh, is she in a coma?

Oh, okay, buddy. I didnt know it was

Pick On The Middle-Aged Square Guy Day.

My apologies.

Ill be on my way.

Bye-bye.

F*** you.

Nice, Barry. Really, really nice.

That was just top class.

Rob. Top Five Musical Crimes Perpetrated

by Stevie Wonder in the80s and90s. Go.

Sub-question:
Is it, in fact, unfair to criticize

a formerly great artist for his latter-day sins?

Is it better to burn out

than to fade away?

- Barry, I'm f***ing broke, man!

- Jesus! He was gonna buy one record, which we didnt even have, and then leave and never come back again anyway.

- Thats not the point. What did he ever do to you?

- He offended me with his terrible taste.

It wasnt even his terrible taste.

It was his daughters.

Are you defending that ass-muncher?

Come on, Rob.

Youre going soft in your old age.

Jesus!

Now all of a sudden

I'm offending your golf buddy.

I'm gonna tell you something

for your own good, pal.

Thats the worst f***in sweater

Ive ever seen. Its a Cosby sweater.

A Cosby sweater!

Did Laura let you leave the house

like that, because-

- Hey- - Hey! Hey!

- F***in a**hole.

- What are you do-

- Shut up. Will you shut up?

- Uh... - Will you? - break it

up. - Youre a f***in maniac.

I swear to God, if you tore this thing, its

vintage, and I would f***in sock your nose.

Youll pay big.

Are you all right?

Yeah. Look, Dick, Laura and I

broke up. Shes gone.

So if you ever see Barry again,

maybe you could tell him that.

Of course I will, Rob.

No problem.

No problem at all.

Ill tell him next time I see him.

Definitely.

Ive, uh, got some other stuff

to tell him, anyway, so its no problem.

Ill just tell him,

you know, about Laura...

um, when I tell him...

the other stuff.

Do you want to talk about it,

that kind of thing?

No. Thank you, though, Dick.

Thank you.

Look at these. I used to dream Id be surrounded

by exotic womens underwear forever and ever.

Now I know they just save their best pairs for the

nights they know theyre gonna sleep with somebody.

Hello, Laura, this is your mother. Your

fathers angina is a little rough today.

I thought he might like to talk to you.

Its no big deal.

I love you two. Bye-bye.

Anyway, me and Charlie,

we didnt match.

Marco and Charlie matched.

Me and Sarah, number four

on the all-time list? We matched.

Shed just been dumped

by some a**hole named Michael.

I mean, Michael

was such an a**hole.

Id just been run over by Charlie.

I know exactly what you mean.

I mean, its just

so painful and draining.

I'm just gonna be by myself

for a while.

Me too. Me too.

It made sense to pool our collective

loathing for the opposite sex.

And while we were at it we could share

a bed with somebody at the same time.

We were frightened of being left alone

for the rest of our lives.

Only people of a certain disposition are frightened

of being left alone for the rest of their lives at 26.

We were of that disposition.

- So when she told me-

- Ive met someone else.

Who?

Just someone else.

It was contrary to the whole spirit

of our arrangement.

I dont have to take this sh*t.

You think I f***in look like sh*t, huh?

So how come I got dumped?

What?

- Hey, Dick. Come on in. What is it?

- Oh, um, well, were going to Lounge Axe...

and, um, I was just wondering

if you wanted to come along with us.

Whoa.

Um, Marie De Salles playing.

You remember I told you

about her today? I like her.

Shes kind of Sheryl Crow-ish, crossed with a, um,

post-Partridge Family, pre-L.A. Law Susan Dey kind of thing.

- But, you know, um, black.

- Yeah.

So, um, I just wanted to know

if you wanted to come along.

Barry thought so too, really,

but I guess it looks as if youre...

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes