High Road Page #2

Number two...

What's my future look like

in the news game?

And how to they interrelate?

Dear Glen,

life is dyn-o-mite.

Let's be friends again.

Hang soon?

Love, Dad. Uh, Arnie.

PS, thinking about

getting e-mail.

Worth it?

Nope.

Are you willing

to do anything for this?

I'll do anything. Literally?

Well, yeah. I mean...

I will... Crazy.

Well, I will train

and run the marathon.

Will you murder Richard? No.

What do we got, Richard?

How we doing?

This common coffeemaker could turn

itself on and start a house fire.

Kitchen sponge teeming

with E.coli bacteria.

It's good. It's scarier.

Yeah, it's a lot scarier. Yeah.

Ls your kitchen killing you?

Um, by the way,

a bunch of us are going out

to Banana Joe's for cocktails.

Oh, really? Tonight? Yeah.

You should come.

Normally, I would totally

be there slurping away.

But Fitz is not over

his band breaking up,

and I have to be

his support system right now.

You know, networking

is a big part of network news.

Right.

Oh, no, thank you.

I'm writing about this lady who has

a cookie jar museum in her garage.

I wanna go to that. I know.

It's cool, right?

It's really cool.

You look really cute.

You look cute in this hat. Yeah?

Mm-hmm. I feel like a sailor.

You look like you're in

the Perfect Storm.

Hey, it's late.

Okay, I'll tell you what.

I'm gonna set the alarm.

I'm gonna take a melatonin,

you're gonna brush your teeth,

and then we'll meet

in the bedroom.

Does that sound good? Okay.

Okay. I'm gonna be a dining

room virgin forever.

What's up, dude?

Yeah, I have Kermit.

Uh, usually I don't,

uh, deal in that much

Kermit the Frog.

Did you read newest draft

of my thing?

It's a very incoherent

and very bad rock opera.

I'm gonna just tell it to you straight,

because that's what they teach me here.

Your rock opera

is really terrible.

It's a really terrible

piece of work.

It's not terrible. Look at me.

It's really terrible.

You didn't like the new character?

No, I didn't.

The traitor? The traitor, who

is based obviously on me.

Oh, get over yourself.

It's totally based on Snapes.

Snape? Yeah.

From Harry Potter? Yes.

I'm not a narcissist.

A faggy praying mantis

with a Bluetooth

walks onto the stage.

Yeah. And he used to be down.

Now he's not down.

Okay, you go take it to f***ing

the Dumbledore in your life,

if I'm Snape, okay?

You don't come to the person you're

ridiculing to finance that project.

Look, I'll tell you something.

Everybody comes to me with favors.

Everybody wants favors.

Everyone wants me to grease wheels for them.

What about

when I was in Tor Eagle?

You guys would stonewall me.

You wanted my brains, you wanted me to book the gigs,

you wanted me to use my f***ing Quicken

program to balance our checkbook,

but when it came time

for you to pony up

on a song that I wrote, oh, no.

You're stuff sounded

like reggaeton, dude.

That's my culture.

That is not your culture.

That's my culture.

Your parents are from Connecticut.

But my nanny is from Haiti.

I'm sorry. I didn't know

that you felt like that.

Yeah. So I apologize.

Apology accepted, "mon."

God, look at her.

I need the strongest stuff you have.

Give me the Jamaican Dank

or whatever the f***,

because she's gonna need

a lot of coaxing.

You know what I mean?

Good Lord.

Yeah.

What do I owe you?

Nothing. I'm not a drug dealer.

You are a drug dealer.

I'm not a drug dealer.

You have a backpack

full of weed, right?

I like weed. And sometimes my

friends need me to hook them up.

You got a three-day beard, right?

Yeah.

Sort of directionless in your life?

Sort of.

Pissed off at your dad? Yeah.

You're a drug dealer.

No. I'm an artist.

Triangles, dude, everywhere.

Lakers, D-Fish, Kobe, Pau.

Phil Knight is a big supporter

of my triangle theory.

It's Phil Jackson, first of all,

and second... Phil Knight.

Who's Phil Knight? Nike guy.

He started Nike.

I'm thinking of Phil Jackson.

Okay, now we're just

getting way off topic.

Nike's swoosh is based on a triangle.

Did you know that?

It's, like, a check.

It's based off a check.

It's got a point on the back.

Not everything's triangles, dude.

You don't believe

in the triangle theory...

Because it doesn't make sense.

It does make sense.

Okay. All right.

Are you listening?

Yeah. I got a triangle for you.

It's you, a piece of dog sh*t

and another piece of dog sh*t.

That's not... That doesn't work?

No, 'cause me and the dog sh*t don't

have... There's three segments.

Fitz, why weren't you here

for the couch delivery? Ohh!

I don't understand.

Tommy and Richie both have real jobs.

They have shitty jobs.

Tommy's job is bullshit.

What about the five-year plan?

What five-year plan?

Our five-year plan.

I don't have a five-year plan.

I've never had an any plan.

Just gonna buy some stuff.

What's up?

Sorry I'm late.

My girlfriend was yelling at me.

Terrible, dude.

Happens all the time.

Sorry to hear that, bro.

She used to be so cool.

Yeah. I guess that's why

my policy is bros only.

Makes sense. You're lucky.

So, uh, you got it?

Yeah.

Hey, do you think

that your nephew

would like this

for his quinceaera, Ramn?

Shut up.

Don't say my name, dude.

Sorry. Sorry.

She used to be, like, so

f***ing cool when we met.

She'd, like, come to my shows, and,

like, she'd sell merch and stuff.

Yeah. Now she's got this,

like, f***ing news job.

That sucks, dude.

Listen, I gotta go.

I'm running late

for Bonnaroo, okay?

Do you have it or don't you?

Yes, I have it.

All right. I have the money.

Let's go.

I'm in a rush, too.

I have stuff to do as well.

Hey, we all got

something to do, right?

I know. It's busy.

I'm really busy right now.

I'm working on my rock opera.

It's all here.

What are you doing?

There's a f***ing camera right there.

Maybe I should stop doing this.

Come on, man. You got it or you don't?

I gotta go.

We should figure out something

to do together.

Yeah, that'd be great.

I really gotta go.

Okay. I don't like selling this much.

All right?

Later, bro. Have fun.

Yeah.

Good one.

This is gonna be a great day.

Hang on a second.

Police officer.

Mind if we ask you a couple

questions here today?

Take your hands off. No, dude.

Oh, what's this?

That's not mine, man.

Oh. That's not mine.

That's the real sh*t.

No, no, no, dude.

Both hands on the car.

Spread your legs.

You guys are under arrest.

Spread your f***ing legs.

Hey, why don't you

profile that guy?

Officer, right? Go check...

Yeah. Go check him out.

Hey, you, in the stripes!

- Hey! Police!

- It's not Arizona, man.

Come here!

F*** it.

Ow! Hey, come on, man!

He's clean. I got him.

Okay. We're all good.

All right. Come on. Let's go.

This is bullshit.

All right. Unlock the door.

I can't. It's locked.

What the hell are you doing home?

Why aren't you at school?

They let us out early. Really?

They let you out early, huh?

Like the morning. Y'all came for one hour?

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