High Road Page #6

Gray area.

They got a raw simplicity.

Their composition and

arrangements are really raw.

There's two of them.

Who gives a sh*t about this stuff, all right?

Did you see my boy? Yes.

What is it? Did you see him

or didn't you? Yes. Yes!

I don't think you understand

what you're dealing with.

Oh, my... I don't think you do

understand what you're dealing with.

Do you have a gun in

your sweatpants? Oh!

Oh, the powers of observation

are unbelievable, sir.

I'm just saying, there's no

Gary Glitter sh*t going on.

There better not be

any Gary Glitter sh*t going on.

Oh. Oh. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

What's Gary Glitter sh*t?

Gary Glitter was a glam rocker

in the '70s

that got convicted of possessing

child pornography. Yeah.

Many, many magazines.

Many videos.

He ended up going to Vietnam

so he can diddle young boys.

Ended up in a Vietnam prison.

Then he got out of there,

went to Thailand,

got arrested there.

They put him in jail there.

He got released, and then he

was in Cambodia for a while.

Got booted outta that country.

Had to go back to the U K, but

they confiscated his computer.

You know, at the arenas.

That's the f***ing guy?

That's the guy.

She should have opened

a Pavilion,

even in a Town Square,

she would do.

Yeah.

Okay,

I've got to call you back.

Okay.

I love you, too.

I feel like...

I don't want to ask you this,

but can I borrow your car?

I have to go find him.

I have to go figure out...

You want to borrow my beamer?

Yeah, if that's okay, just...

I just need it for...

to go up and just figure out what's

going on and to go see him...

Let's get you a drink.

I think you need a drink.

Okay, thank you.

You want something

with maraschino cherries?

Um...

I've been balling this girl

who works at Costco.

My dad was always

kind of crazy.

You know, like kind of

a weird drug guy.

When my mom died,

he just went, like,

f***ing nuts.

Really?

I feel like baseball

is just my dad's thing.

Yeah. You know?

He just, like, tries

to force it on me.

Dads suck.

Everybody would be

a lot better off

if dads didn't exist.

I could deal with two moms.

Dude, I f***ing

would love two moms.

Two moms would be a dream.

Sandwiches all the time.

Oh, there's no shortage

of sandwiches with my dad.

Really?

Yeah. He has this thing...

like, sandwich diplomacy.

That's what I called it when I was younger.

We'd get in a huge argument,

and then, like, 30 minutes

later, he'd knock on my door

and be like,

"Hey, you want a sandwich?"

No, I don't want a f***ing sandwich.

I think it's cute, actually.

It's not cute.

I think it's cute.

I'm pregnant.

You're pregnant?

I just found out.

With Fitz's baby?

In there? In your ass?

In your vagina there's a baby?

In my uterus.

Hi, Cole? You know what I was thinking about?

Here. Take it.

Get off the phone.

I was thinking about malls.

Honestly, we need to use malls,

because that is where people

congregate when they wanna buy.

Tommy, I just told you

I'm pregnant.

They don't do concerts

at the Smithsonian.

What is your fixation

with museums?

Tommy, I just told you I'm pregnant.

Yeah. Okay.

Can you please... Thank you.

You're right. It's done.

Okay. Thank you. Okay.

It's off? You're pregnant. Yes.

Have you considered the A-bomb?

"The A-bomb"? The A-bomb.

"A-bomb"? "The A-bomb"?

You know what I'm talking about.

The A-bomb.

Abortion bomb. A-bomb?

I guess I don't have to say

"bomb" if I just say "abortion."

I haven't thought about that.

No, Cole,

I wasn't talking to you.

I agree with you...

what you were describing.

Me?

Yeah. Or Cole?

Tommy, what the f***?

Cole isn't even in the room. Don't hang up.

You can't play

in a movie theater.

People are there to see movies.

You're getting your media mixed up.

That's where people

fly off the rails.

- A-bomb.

- Right?

So where the

f***... Where are we?

I don't know.

In, like, the desert.

Or we're in California.

I don't see anything.

F***, where are we?

Let's think long

and hard about this.

Fitz can sire a child,

but can he father a child?

You know what I mean?

Yeah, I don't...

You're a career woman, right?

Yeah.

You are. There's other options.

Lesbian women

who are desperate for a baby

but don't wanna get sperm

in them, you know?

I can see ambition

in your eyes.

I recognize it, because

it lives in here, too.

Right? You're on an ascent.

Do you think J .P. Morgan

took breaks

to go to f***ing buy

a BABY BJRN?

No. 'Cause he was too busy

shaping the steel industry.

Okay? You know what?

I'm gonna be honest with you.

People told me not to hire you.

Can you say good-bye to Cole?

Please say good-bye to Cole.

They said...

Don't get off the phone.

Did you just tell him

not to get off the phone?

I just hope...

You did... I know you

are, but what am I?

You think you're like Jerry Maguire.

I am like Jerry Maguire.

You are nothing

like Jerry Maguire.

I am just like Jerry Maguire.

No, you're not.

Cole, I'll call you back.

You're not like Jerry Maguire at all.

Jerry Maguire has heart.

He sticks up for Cuba.

You're Jay Mohr's character.

You're Bob Sugar.

Oh, you're out of your f***ing mind.

Are you kidding me?

I'm Bob Sugar?

Yeah, you are Bob Sugar.

No, I'm not. If anything,

I'm Rene Zellweger.

You're Jay Mohr's character.

I know who Bob Sugar is.

You don't have to tell me

who plays him.

Okay, Monica.

I'm gonna do something

that I have not done

for anybody before.

Monica, I'm gonna give you

the keys to my Beamer.

Thank you, Tommy.

Thank you.

Just do not touch the presets.

I will f***ing...

Namaste.

We gotta stop at this diner

up ahead... Cadillac Jack's.

No way, dude. Please? Why?

No. We're going

straight through.

I used to go there with

my parents all the time.

It was my favorite place.

There. Yeah?

Yeah. Okay.

Best f***ing turkey sandwiches.

Get them to go.

I'll be two seconds.

Hey. Hey.

Do you have a lighter?

Yes, I have a lighter.

Thanks. Mm-hmm.

So, uh, you window shopping,

or are you looking to buy?

Oh. No. I'm fine.

Thanks.

You're a f*ggot?

Excuse me?

Are you a f*ggot?

No, I'm not a f*ggot.

I actually had a girlfriend, so...

But she broke up with you

'cause you're such a f*ggot?

No, I broke up with her, because

she made out with Barry.

Barry sounds like a f*ggot.

Barry kind of is a f*ggot.

I have no idea why Monica

made out with him.

Monica? Yeah.

Monica sounds like a whore.

What... What... What...

You got a whore and a f*ggot

making out. That's funny.

Close your eyes and I'll give you a hand job.

Why would I close my eyes?

So you can picture a dude.

You're a f*ggot.

I'm not gay.

Want a blow job?

No, I don't want a blow job.

You want a blow job.

Who doesn't want a blow job?

Only faggots don't want blow jobs.

I want a blow job.

He does not want a blow job.

What is this? She's a hooker.

Really?

I'm not a hooker. You are.

I'm not a hooker.

I'll give you a hand job.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes