Highway Page #6

alligator dick?

You like to suck it?

Yo, Shanks, who is this

strong, silent type, huh?

Is this Clint Eastwood?

No, man, I think

that's Steve McQueen!

I think you're

both wrong.

This is Jack Hayes,

the God of F***.

The God of F***?

Is that what they call you?

The God of F***?

Tell me something.

Do you like

to get f***ed?

Sorry about that, Clint.

Hey, Shanks,

check this out!

Hey, you OK?

I'm all right.

Hey, Shanks...

welcome to the human race,

motherf***er!

Come here...

I'm all right.

Leave you guys alone

for a couple hours...

and the action just pours

like silver, doesn't it?

Whoa.

I can't tell you

what a pleasure it was...

to meet you guys.

You take care.

Pilot!

All right, Des?

Pilot, let's go!

Those football turds were

just like Miranda's Pandas.

The same type of dudes.

It was f***ed.

I don't know,

when you think about it...

it's like the world's

divided into two groups:

Pandas and Alligator Boys.

How much did

you give her?

Not much.

Come on, Pilot,

how much?

Just a bit-

I'm not a rich guy.

Just a bit.

'A bit?'

And what is a bit?

Don't be so nosy, Jack.

Don't be such a f***ing

p*ssy, Pilot.

Just tell me how much.

Just a bit, all right?

The kid's dying.

I gave them a bit.

No f***ing way!

-Pop quiz. -Go!

Number of possible

highways and byways...

in this fair nation

that we could be on.

A gazillion!

Number of possible

highways and byways...

in this fair nation...

that Miranda's Pandas

could be on?

A zillion!

Possible conclusion

that could be drawn...

from them being on...

this very same highway,

byway as us?

Start getting used

to loose slippers.

Perfect score.

Gold star.

Anyone care

to fill me in?

Now we're on the run.

I thought you were going

to Seattle for the scene.

Yeah, we thought we'd combine

checking out the scene...

with a little flight

to safety, right, Pi?

Right.

Hey, where we going now?

You want to check

the maps?

This doesn't

change anything.

We check out the place,

and then we split.

So, you still want

to go to Seattle.

Yeah, dude,

it'll be all right.

I mean,

it's a huge place.

Bro, if it's

so f***ing huge...

then how the f*** are

you going to find Amy Carnes?

How do you know

about that?

How do you know

about that, dude?

F***ing dick.

What? Did Fox tell you?

Dude, I heard you

telling him.

What are

you talking about?

This whole thing...

this whole stupid thing

was that so Pilot could...

chase after

some fantasy girl.

Dude, we macked!

Oh, God...

these guys are cool!

They're going to Seattle!

And they're tripping

to the tits!

What exactly

are you on the run from?

Why don't you tell

her, Jack?

Tell her, Jack!

I will.

I f***ed a guy's wife...

and now he wants

to break my feet.

And Pilot doesn't

seem to give a sh*t!

Why you getting

so bent?

We had to leave,

what's it matter where?

-You're joking, right?

-No!

-No!

-You're joking!

That's sort

of pathetic, Pilot!

What is?

As if it's any of

your business.

He's your best friend,

and he's in trouble...

and you drag him

up here on a lie.

I don't know,

that's sort of pathetic...

in my book.

In your book?

Yep.

What's the title

of that book?

Is it called,

'Give me 100 bucks...

and I'll suck

your dick?'

Because I think

I read that one...

and it was, it was,

ooh, lurid!

Are you

kidding me, Pilot?

Look at yourself!

You're a drug dealer!

Settle down

with that, Yoko.

No, you settle down, Johnny.

You are no better

than them.

In fact, you're worse.

You're old.

Time out.

What happened to the hooker

with the heart of gold?

Didn't you read

that chapter?

You know, maybe

I am a drug dealer,

but I'll tell you

this much,

when I tell

my grandkiddies stories...

about my misspent youth...

I won't have to

include the fact...

that I spread them wide

for any jake...

with a fistful

of fifties!

That I saw

more strange dick...

than a draft board

doctor.

Jack.

That I could be sold,

rolled, and cornholed...

for a negotiable price.

Congratulations.

You just became

the Sir Edmund Hillary...

of a**holes.

You climbed the highest

mountain, Pilot.

There's five good ones.

Whatever, right?

Yeah.

Whatever.

Hey, are you

coming or not, man?

Come on, Johnny.

What about Mom and Dad?

Get in.

But today, it is

heightened by a sense of loss.

Pilot, this is Gold...

a beautiful boy

who don't say...

Hey, Pilot! Pilot!

Come on.

You know, Skynyrd,

now that was a tragedy.

Duane Allman, tragedy...

this is a f***ing blip,

you know?

Can I help you, bro?

I'm looking for

Amy Carnes.

She's at the vigil

with the rest of them.

No, dude, what was

that guy's name in AC/DC?

Hey! Nice arachnid, man.

No, no, the first guy.

No, that was the guy

that took his place.

Do you believe that guy?

Do you believe that guy?

Do you believe

that f***ing guy?

He still wants to go

up there after everything.

Still wants

to go up there.

He didn't give

a sh*t about me.

This whole stupid trip

was so he could go...

and find

Amy F***ing Carnes.

What an a**hole!

Amy.

Yeah.

Hey, yo, it's me.

It's Pilot.

That's your name?

Yeah, from

McKinley High.

I went to McKinley.

When did you graduate?

Oh, you...it's probably

because of this-

you don't recognize me

because of the spider.

You, uh...

you know,

rage all night.

'Sweet Child of Mine.'

Isn't it so sad about Kurt?

Hold my hand.

You guys, this is Pirate.

No, it's Pilot.

Shh...let's listen.

It's Pilot.

Pilot!

Pilot!

Jack! Jack!

Jack! Jack!

Pilot!

Jack! Jack!

No!

F***! F***!

Jack, Jack, Jack.

Give it up, baby.

Cassie!

You're embarrassing

yourself, baby.

Do you know

what that means?

The game is over!

F*** you up two times!

Come on!

That's what it's about!

Let's go! Come on!

Get down here!

Watch this!

Watch this!

Watch it!

I'm sorry.

Watch it!

Jack!

Jack!

Jack!

Next time keep it

in your pants, Hayes...

or we'll break that, too.

We'll call 91 1

from the car.

Hope you have

insurance, Jack.

Adios, motherf***er.

Hey.

Hey.

How are you doing?

I've been better.

How about you?

OK.

Oh, that was kind of

unreal, wasn't it?

Totally f***ing gothic.

A grade-B horror flick.

Only thing f***ing missing

is f***ing Christopher Lee...

Peter Cushing,

and John F***ing Carradine.

What's wrong with him?

I think he's

having re-entry problems.

Hey, kiddies.

Ooh, Jack Hayes,

you're awake.

How you feeling,

brother?

Hey, man,

I'm all right.

Jack...

Forget it.

Hey...

did you find her?

Pilot.

I'm sorry, man.

Hey, man.

It's OK.

Hey...

Who the hell needs

feet anyway?

I got to

get out of here.

What?

Yeah, I got to get back.

I got a girl in Vegas.

You feeling ready

for her?

Kind of miss her.

Can I take the Monte?

Keep it.

Maybe

you shouldn't drive.

Oh, please.

You guys are gonna hang?

Yeah.

I think we're gonna

hang for a while.

I like it.

Hit the road,

flee for your life.

Meet a doll who's got

'once in a lifetime'

and 'girl of my dreams'

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