Highway to Hellas

1

There isn't always a loud bang

when a dream bursts.

But that's how it was with us.

Paladiki.

Galapagos in Greece.

The path out of the crisis

for our little island

ends here.

But at least it's a good story.

And even if I play

only a small part in it,

I consider it my duty to tell it.

Let's start from the beginning.

Paladiki is a quiet island.

Heavenly quiet.

"Galapagos in Greece".

That's our project.

Instead of big hotels and mass tourism,

we have nature.

We have mountains,

we have donkeys,

we have a hospital,

the sea,

a beautiful beach, and...

a whole bunch of goats.

But in this story,

it's more about what we don't have.

The whole catastrophe

starts with a little piece of paper...

- Hello, Panos.

- Good morning, Brigitte, my dear.

- Good morning.

- Good morning.

One euro for you, Darling.

- Are you with my girlfriend?

- You're a jerk.

- Are you going out tonight?

- Let's see what the evening brings.

- But we're leaving tomorrow.

- Yeah.

You want to break my heart.

What the hell is this?

Those arrogant arseholes!

- Come on.

- I hate the Germans!

But Panes, you're German yourself.

Me?

I'm a victim of globalisation.

Born and raised

in a foreign country.

But in my heart, in my blood,

I was and still am a Greek!

Morning, Yannis.

How's it going?

Hello.

- I want to work for you!

- You're too young, come back in ten years.

Eighteen!

I'll be eighteen by then!

For our project "Galapagos in Greece",

we took out a small loan from Germany.

We received our money,

everything was going well,

and now this!

"A supplemental extraordinary

examination of the specified securities."

In other words:

The German is coming to snoop around.

Do you see anything?

Wait, the ship hasn't even docked yet.

Give them to me!

Oh, no!

My girls!

I completely forgot about them!

My darlings! I'm up here!

Sit down, you idiot.

Our island is in jeopardy!

Forgive me!

Odysseus, you have to let them go.

Here we go.

Give them to me.

Only a German would do

what those two idiots ask.

Hello! You must be from Germany.

Welcome to Paladiki.

My name's Maria.

- We have rooms for rent.

- No, thanks.

Our hotel has a beautiful sea view.

-25 euros per night.

- No,no.

-20 euros?

- No.

Pep Guardiola.

- Hello, Dr Laichinger.

- Geissner? What's the situation?

Well, it looks pretty miserable here.

- I'm looking for my hotel.

- No false sympathies.

I'll bet there is neither a hospital

nor a power plant.

- Stay on it!

-Of course, Dr Laichinger.

I don't believe it!

Iast week.

- He drowned!

- Yes.

Hello?

Hello!

Excuse me? Excuse me!

I'd like to take up your offer

of a room after all.

Oh, yes! With pleasure.

-It's 40 euros per room.

-40?

The one for 2O is no longer available,

but you can use

all the hotel's facilities

free of charge.

- Hello, Dr Laichinger.

- Geissner, what's the progress?

- I'm at the hotel now...

- Only now? What took you so long?

- I had to find a different place.

- Geissner?

- Our investor needs that beach, and quick.

-Just a moment...

Excuse me, but would it be impolite

to ask you for the money for the room now?

Excuse me,

but I'm on the phone right now.

Pardon me.

Unbelievable, the state of things here.

Give me proof

that the securities are false.

Certainly, Dr Laichinger.

- Geissner, stay on it.

-Yes.

Listen, I would really appreciate

a bit more privacy.

Of course! Would it be impolite

to ask you once more...

Yes!

All right.

I'll need a proper receipt

showing the VAT separately.

- If you know what I mean.

- Of course. Thank you.

Here comes the gauleiter.

He wants his money back!

Finally! The Germans are here!

Yes. Jrg Geissner, from the AVO Bank.

Our saviour from Germany!

What would we do without you?

Would you be so kind

and tell me where the mayor's office is?

But of course, Herr Kommissar.

This way.

- Welcome!

- Welcome!

- You've been to Greece before, right?

- No,no.

- And I'm not a Kommissar, either.

- This way.

- Welcome!

- Welcome, welcome!

Please excuse the chaos,

to increase efficiency we've merged

several administrative departments:

Tax and revenue office,

registration office,

property and land, uh...

- What's it called, regis...

- Registry.

Yes, land registry, etc. etc.

Bureaucracy reduction, you know.

But excuse me,

I've not even introduced myself.

I'm the Mayor of Paladiki.

Kantelirakis, Spyros.

Oh... how convenient.

Geissner, AVO Bank.

Yes, I've been sent...

- Please.

- Thank you.

I've been sent to examine the securities

you listed for the loan we granted you...

I've been sent to examine the securities

you listed for the loan we granted you...

The securities I refer to

would be, hold on...

the electric power plant,

the hospital and the beach.

Gladly.

Our project,

"Paladiki. Galapagos in Greece",

is making great progress.

Thanks to you!

So what exactly can I do for you?

I need more detailed information

about the power plant and the hospital.

In other words,

construction plans, invoices,

land register extracts...

Whatever else you might...

No problem, that was just

my cousin's tax return.

In this context,

I need to inform you

of the consequences

of making false statements.

In such a case, the AVO Bank

would have the right by contract

to choose the securities

on its own...

which in this case, would...

affect...

the town of Paladiki...

as a whole.

Please, my friend.

I know, you Germans

have a very different mentality.

As a Greek,

I would say you are snooping around,

- I'd say you don't trust us.

- No,no.

In that regard, you're just...

different.

I accept that.

It would be best if you yourself

look for what you need.

Unfortunately, due to budget cuts,

I had to fire my secretary.

But that would take me months!

Yes, you'll like it here with us.

In that case,

I'll inspect the buildings straight away,

to get a personal impression

on the ground.

I wanted to look at the beach anyway.

Of course, be my guest.

You can walk to the beach,

just walk along the harbour...

And how do I get to the power plant

and the hospital?

Car rental and maps

can be found at the Mini Market.

But they only rent cars until 4:00 pm.

You won't make it today.

Enjoy Paladiki, Herr Kommissar.

Dr Laichinger. Mailbox.

Leave a message.

Dr Laichinger, this is Geissner.

I don't think I'll find a hospital

or a power plant here.

Thank God there's a beach, at least.

Our investor will like it.

Big enough for the hotel

and the water sports facilities.

It needs some cosmetic surgery,

but with a little fresh sand,

and a palm or two, it'll be great.

The town's harbour is ideal

for restaurants and a shopping strip,

although there might be...

some resistance

from the population,

because of the project

"Galapagos in Greece"...

Oh God!

What happened?

I don't believe it.

There... look!

I don't believe it.

Don't you trip me up! Got it?

Got it, you stupid thing?

Where does it come from?

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