His Girl Friday Page #54

BURNS:

Sure, it was good -- it was wonderful!

Only you expected it to be like other

marriages. It can't be like other

marriages -- we're different! We're

a different world. Look at what we

went through today. I wouldn't trade

that for any honeymoon in the world.

I bet you wouldn't, either.

HILDY:

A fine honeymoon, with a murderer

right in the boudoir! And that other

honeymoon in a coal mine!

BURNS:

That's what makes it romantic. Every

other married couple goes away on a

honeymoon and for two weeks the bride

knows just where the groom is, and

vice versa. But us -- you never know

where I am and I'm not sure where

you are. That's Romance!

HILDY:

Well, maybe I'd like to know just

once!

BURNS:

Hildy, if that's what you want, all

right. We'll even go to -- how about

Niagara Falls?

HILDY:

(jumping)

Niagara Falls! Walter, you don't

mean that?

BURNS:

Sure I do. And I'll tell you something

else -- I'd like a baby.

HILDY:

Walter!

BURNS:

Sure, I can't last forever. I want a

son I can train to take my place on

this paper.

HILDY:

What would you do if it was a

daughter?

BURNS:

Well, if she looked like you -- Say!

My brains and your looks -- that

mightn't be such a bad combination.

HILDY:

What's the matter with my brains?

BURNS:

What's the good of arguing about

something that probably doesn't exist?

Look, Hildy, I'm proposing to you.

What do you say?

HILDY:

Well, I'd like to be lady-like and

think it over.

BURNS:

I don't want to rush you. Take a

couple of seconds.

MED. SHOT AT DOOR

Louie marches in with a judge, half-dressed. Louie has the

judge in a tight grip.

MED. CLOSE SHOT

BURNS:

Hello, Judge!

JUDGE:

This is an outrage, Mr. Burns! Sending

a gunman to kidnap me!

BURNS:

Now, wait a minute, Judge. This isn't

a kidnapping. You've got the legal

power to perform a marriage ceremony,

haven't you?

HILDY:

What!

BURNS:

Now don't argue, Hildy.

(to Judge)

How about it, Judge?

JUDGE:

Yes, but --

BURNS:

Then go ahead. Come on, Hildy.

HILDY:

Nobody's going to rush me into

anything!

(as Louie sticks a

gun in her ribs)

You keep away from me!

(but she's scared)

LOUIE:

All right, Judge.

INT. CITY ROOM MED. SHOT

Reporters are standing on desks to watch through the glass

partition of Burns' office.

1ST REPORTER

I'll be doggoned! A shotgun marriage!

2ND REPORTER

Don't they usually keep the gun on

the man?

INT. BURNS' OFFICE CLOSE SHOT JUDGE

reading the marriage ceremony.

JUDGE:

(continuing)

" -- so long as you both do live?"

BURNS:

I will.

GROUP SHOT:

HILDY:

That's what he said the last time.

Don't believe him, Judge.

BURNS:

Hildy, from this time on no tricks,

no double-crossing -- everything on

the level!

HILDY:

You're not fooling anybody.

JUDGE:

(continuing)

"Hildegarde Johnson, will you have

this man as your wedded husband, to

live together in the ordinances and

estate of Matrimony?"

HILDY:

What would you do with a gun in your

back?

LOUIE:

(poking her)

Quiet!

JUDGE:

"Will you love him, comfort him,

honor and keep him in sickness or in

health; --

HILDY:

If I know where he is.

JUDGE:

" -- and, forsaking all others, keep

thee only unto him, so long as you

both do live?"

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