History Is Made at Night Page #4

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a national treasure...

but they pose a problem.

Perhaps you were unaware.

The radioactive steam those

mothballed Russian subs let off...

has let the steam

out of the reindeer.

It's a tragedy, really.

They are such regal animals.

The lichen they eat

is radioactive,

and it bunches up in their

intestines,

which are turned...

into condoms.

It ends with radioactive

penises for us all.

Yet another case of our

protection posing its own threat...

My name is Max.

- What are you two talking about?

- Love.

I'm sorry about earlier.

We're together now...

- that's what's important.

- The item. That's what's important.

How about this item?

What are you doing, Tanya?

Great. Try it on, I'll help you.

I can feel your heart beating.

Shh! Up on the bench,

your feet show.

- Who's out there?

- Nobody.

- You want me to get rid of him?

- No, he's a friend.

- Then what is the problem?

- He might get jealous.

He might be there all afternoon.

- You have reservations?

- None, I trust you.

- I mean, what's this?

- Nothing.

"Nothing" and "nobody"?

So where were we? Trust.

You trust me

to give you the item.

And I trust you to pass it properly

after I give it to you tomorrow.

- Tomorrow?

- I'll have it then for sure.

After tomorrow, the whole thing

will be out of my hands.

- I won't be able to protect you.

- You wanna protect me?

Tomorrow.

May I help you?

Gift wrapped, sir?

Miss me?

Me and my shadow.

You keeping an eye on me now?

She's got a good heart.

Hey, Joe, you got nylons?

I was hoping to have

something for you, too.

You know what? No, thanks.

I wanted it to be a surprise.

Listen, I saw this great

jacket downstairs.

Now you're in trouble.

Product testing.

- Any luck cracking it?

- How'd it go?

I found your surge protector...

but they don't have alligator clips.

Apparently there are

no alligators in Finland.

It's too cold.

The meeting, Max.

She's expecting

something tomorrow.

You know,

she's really nice.

Are you kidding?

She looks like she's been through

the war underneath a battalion.

Not her Harry's girl.

She's just like our girl here.

She's a pro.

Harry is her job.

I don't know

how you keep at it.

The SVR expected things to heat up

when you came to Helsinki.

And when they didn't,

I got the blame.

- They think I missed something.

- Maybe they are missing something.

A man who goes through a lot

of covers, lives a lot of lives...

maybe he wants to pretend

to be something...

that he actually

wants to be, for once.

Reindeer ranger.

Just a happy guy, trying

to run a decent club...

hanging out with the most

amazing girl he's laid eyes on.

You have any Idea

what today is?

Happy anniversary, Harry.

One year.

I remember the first time

I ever saw you,

on an SVR

surveillance video.

Oh, no.

The bars. Damn!

We're gonna take care of that.

I gotta make a quick phone call.

Hey, put Dave on the phone.

No, forget it.

Max, check this out.

That's it.

What's it?

- Let's go, Dave.

- Where do you think you're going?

- Wait, wait, wait.

- We are closed.

My friend is dying.

He's diabetic... diabetski...

- It's freezing.

- His blood sugar is extremely low.

One jar of strawberry jam

could save his life.

Just one jar.

Here's the answer, Dave.

Here's another answer, Dave.

The bread answer, Dave...

- pizza...

- Max, I don't like pizza.

- Hot dogs...

- Americans.

They shop like they

are from Siberia.

...and fish.

We have room service.

What the f*** is this?

You get it, Dave?

- Sh*t, that's it.

- That's it.

- "Kiitos".

- Thank you.

In the store, when I told you

I wish I had something to give you,

what I meant...

Have you ever thought, Harry, that...

- I don't need any anniversary gift.

- No, it's not that.

- I was hoping...

- Hurry up, Max.

Let's catch it.

Harry... thank you.

Do you remember

our first night?

Remember that guy

who was pawing you...

when we were trying to leave?

Was he for real or was he

some kind of an SVR cupid?

Not part of the plan,

as I knew it.

I was wondered, because

I barely tapped him...

and he went down pretty easy.

Are you saying that

I went down pretty easy?

Just trying to

sort out what's real.

Arranged or not, you could

have seduced me. You know that.

I'm just wondering when did it stop

being make-believe for you?

Like that kiss just then.

Was it a lot more real...

than the first time we kissed

or just a little?

We both climbed to bed for

cynical reasons that first night.

Everybody does.

But a lot's changed since then...

I write my reports form

the crumbs you leave me.

They won't give me

the Nobel Prize for espionage.

fine, if we can be together.

- All bar codes.

- But controlling what?

When I graph it,

I get wheels, ovals,

hoops.

What goes around and round

in circles?

We do.

Let me hand over

the big secret.

I love you.

It's Natasha, isn't it?

Just in case I decide to

go out and get a tattoo.

Come here.

I want to tunnel of love you.

"Tunnel of love" me?

Satellites!

The codes.

Codes to control their orbits.

Military or commercial satellites,

like AmTelCom or AT&T?

All of them. They could have

crashed all our...

space bugs into one humongous

satellite pile-up...

or sent them skipping out into

space like shooting stars.

Cracking this in the field

gives you an opportunity, Dave.

Damn right it does.

- You're gonna help me.

- Great!

first thing we do is pick

a big communications corp, TV,

long distance phone carrier,

something like that.

To make a porno tape?

What are you talking about?

Porno tape?

I'm talking about bumping...

a zillion dollar telecommunications

satellite off course...

causing an interruption

in service.

Their stocks take a dip,

we buy in,

we do a mid-course correction

on the satellite...

Bingo! The stock goes back up...

Obscenely rich.

That's what I'm talking about.

What has that

got to do with porn?

I make another

porno tape,

screw up all the barcodes,

pass it along to the Russians,

and I get to be division head.

Stick with me,

we can buy Russia.

Can you bump

a satellite or not?

Dial transatlantic.

Tap into the satellite

controlling the call.

All you need is

a touch tone phone.

Please, I move the money,

you move the satellite.

A team, a f***ing team, Dave.

And nobody gets hurt.

No national security threat.

Everything is back to normal

in a day.

I have all the equipment...

Headquarters doesn't even

need to know.

- Right.

- All I need are actors.

That's a f***ing

harebrained scheme.

A guy like you, Max...

facing a life sentence...

for treason, should volunteer

his help,

not pass

such fast judgment.

Okay, but maybe we can do

my plan after...

we trick the Russians, huh?

I need a local casting director.

Get Harry.

Wait, wait, wait.

Just what you ordered.

Come in.

Come on in, it's okay.

In my dream, I'm driving around

some street in America...

not lost,

and you're there with me.

I'm getting something

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